


My Love is on the High Seas

by TheKidFromYesterday



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 ages, Captain!Phil, Dan Howell - Freeform, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I mean, I'm not sure where this is going but I like it, M/M, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Period Typical Violence, Phil Lester - Freeform, Pirate AU that no one asked for, Slow Burn, Wow sword fights, i hope this is good, much angst, they're pirates, very fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 08:00:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 69,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6846163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKidFromYesterday/pseuds/TheKidFromYesterday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being accidentally kidnapped by pirates, Dan realizes that just maybe, his heart has been stolen as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta, all mistakes are my own :)

Sometimes he imagined running away.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night when everyone else was asleep, he lay awake in his room, watching the stars through his cracked window and imagined running away and never coming back. It was a nice fantasy. When the chaos of mundane life became too much for Dan, the best option always seemed to be avoiding it all. 

Maybe if I run away, He would think, I can start over. I won’t be Dan any more, I won’t have this life.

The daydream was too good to be true, although that never stopped him from imagining.  
In his mind, he would board a ship, find a crew, and take on the seas just like his father had.

Dan’s father had been a merchant for years before he met his wife and they settled down. He had been everywhere and had stories from countless places, places that Dan couldn’t even imagine. He had scars on his arms and rough, callused hands that showed how hard he had worked on the ship, along with a vocabulary that Dan’s mother was less than pleased with, but Dan didn’t mind. It sounded like the best life ever to Dan, to be honest. Imagine a life of adventure, where something new was always waiting just around the corner. Imagine the stories he would have, the memories. He wouldn’t be able to keep them all to himself the way his dad did. He would be telling everyone who would listen, bragging about his adventures instead of keeping them to himself all the time.

Now, his father led the most uneventful life possible. After all those years of working out on sea, he had decided to settle down to start a family. This, Dan was fine about. He liked existing, but his father had somehow chosen the sleepiest town in the entire world to settle down in. 

“Your mother lived here.” He had explained to Dan once, “She didn’t want to leave and neither did I. It worked out wonderfully.”

Except for the fact that I got stuck here too, Dan thought bitterly, but he didn’t say so out loud. 

Now, his parents ran a Tavern and Inn together and Dan had no choice but to work there as well, unless he wanted to go out and find himself a job. As much as he didn’t like actually working at the Inn, he couldn’t deny that he enjoyed some aspects of it. There were always interesting people coming and going from the tavern and the best part of the day was when Dan waited tables and served food. He had seen people who he could’ve sworn were pirates, even though his parents denied this to be true. There had been a blind man who had a rat sitting on his shoulder throughout the entire meal. Dan had wondered if he knew it was there. There was certainly no shortage of people coming by, as the Inn was built right on the docks so that sailors and merchants could have an easy and cheap place to stay and eat when they stopped for port.  
It would have been a great place to live if he hadn’t been so adamant about wanting to leave.   
He didn’t want this life for himself. He wanted adventures, he wanted danger, he wanted to have a life. 

“What would you say about me someday doing what you did?” Dan knew that the question was loaded with many different answers, although he was hoping that it would turn out to be a positive one. “You know, traveling everywhere——”

“Daniel, you know how dangerous that was. I’ve told you that.”

No you haven’t. Dan wanted to say, You never tell me about any of it.

“You didn’t get hurt.” He said instead, “Dad, there’s so much out there that I haven’t seen.” 

The man sighed, running a hand over his features, “I did get hurt Dan, where do you think I got all these?” he held up an arm where faded, old scars were visible. “I just got lucky and was able to live through it. Besides, everything you’ve ever known is here.”

“That’s the problem!” Dan pushed, exasperation present in his voice now, “I’ve been here for my entire eighteen years and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the same place! I want to see other things, I want to explore, like you did.”

His father changed the topic at that, and Dan was left to boil over in frustration as he continued the conversation.

*****

“Pirates”

It wasn’t spoken loudly, only the ghost of a whisper, but Dan heard it all the same. 

“Pirates”

Slowly, he drifted over to the bar where two men sat, heads bent together, cups half empty in front of them. As he made his way over towards them to refill, Dan made sure to take his time in moving by so that he could hear as much of the conversation as possible. 

“——said that they’re out there. Not too far out, waiting, seems like.” One man took a swig of his drink, looking as if he’d had a few too many already. The other man seemed better off, but not by much. Both sported sailor’s uniforms, showing off their ranks to whoever cared, and judging by their obvious lack of haircuts, they had been at sea for quite a while. Dan’s stomach turned with jealousy for a second, before grabbing a pitcher and crossing to the bar to fill the men’s drinks up.

“Pirates ain’t that brave, they won’t attack a place like this. Too many people around.” The man glanced up briefly, meeting Dan’s eyes with his unfocused ones. “Too many kids.” 

Fighting down his annoyance at being called a kid, Dan quickly refilled their cups, not bothering to listen as much anymore.

“They’re usually grabbing chicks, selling ‘em out at the islands for money.” The man almost downed his entire glass, along with what Dan had just filled. “But I ain’t going out too far either way. Don’t wanna risk something like that.”

The other man agreed and they moved on to discussing how much better island girls were as opposed to those who lived by the ports nearby. 

Finding the conversation less than substantial, Dan moved on, refilling glasses at other tables and trying to distract himself with work. 

Pirates.

Nearby.

It was enough to excite him, the fantasy of traveling the waves coming to life in his mind. He imagined being the captain of a pirate ship, leading his men into fights that everyone knew that they would win. He imagined a big, feathery hat and pistols at his hips and a sword in his hand and scars that told stories of past battles. He imagined being known by everyone and respected as well. He imagined----

“Daniel! Table seventeen!” He heard his mom yell from the kitchen and he was jerked unpleasantly from his daydream, almost knocking a table over in his surprise.

“Right!” he yelled back, heading over to the table and promising to continue his fantasy later on when he wasn’t working.

*****

It was late that night when he heard his parents talking.  
Sleep was eluding him again, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. He had moved from his bed to the window to his left, the one that looked out over the docks. It was his favorite place in the entire house, complete with the crack that ran over then entire thing and the squeaky hinge that told everyone when he was opening his window. The curtains were thin so that sun and moon light were both able to light up the room, even when the window was covered. The stars were visible as well, with no light to cancel them out over the ocean.

He had been watching the stars when he heard his parents not to subtle whispering in the room next to his. The walls of the Inn were ridiculously thin, allowing any amount of sound through, so it was no surprise when he heard his parents talking. Normally, he would just ignore it, as it was usually just adult stuff that he wasn’t interested in. Tonight though, there was a word that he had heard earlier. One that hadn’t left his mind all day.

Pirates.

Instantly, he was away from the window, crossing the creaky floors with years of practice, only setting a few of them off. Pressing his ear to the wall, he was able to hear a few words of the conversation, able to piece together everything else by guessing.

“I don’t know, he’s not happy here.” His father sounded worried, which was not common for the man, “He’s always wanted to leave, I don’t think that will ever change.”

“It’s dangerous.” His mother said, his voice soothing as always. “We knew that before and it’s only confirmed now. What with the pirates——”

“We don’t know that they’re out there for sure.” 

“We know damn well that they’re out there.” His mother didn’t often swear. “You saw those men, they were lucky to get out alive.”

His father sighed, “I know. I don’t want Daniel anywhere near any of that.”

“He’s just like you when you were younger.” His wife said fondly, “Head filled with adventures and fantasies about becoming a living legend.”

The man huffed a laugh. “At least I had the sense not to go out when it was dangerous.”

There was a pause and Dan froze, thinking that they had heard him. 

“You don’t think he’d go, do you?” She sounded worried when she spoke and Dan could almost see his father shaking his head.

“No, I don’t think so. He at least knows that it’s safe here. That should be enough.”

A silence followed their words and Dan slid down the wall to sit with his back against it. They were right. He wasn’t brave enough to actually run away, no matter how much he fantasized about it. He could only wish that he would be a pirate captain, knowing that he didn’t actually have the guts to go without his parent’s permission.

Pathetic.

“Maybe we need to find him something here so that he won’t want to leave.” His mother suggested, “Find him a job or a girl or something that will keep him here, away from all that.”

“All that” meaning everything that wasn’t here, Dan supposed. A girl isn’t going to keep him anchored here. A boy though…

“He won’t want to stay, no matter what we do.” Dan’s mom reasoned, “That boy has more of a want for adventure than you did.”

“Sweetheart, that’s not a good thing.” His father sighed again. “I’ll go out with him tomorrow, try to find him a job away from here. Maybe it’s just being around us all the time that’s bothering him. It’ll do him some good to be out of here for a while.”

His mom agreed and the conversation turned away from the teenager. 

Meanwhile in his own room, Dan still sat with his back to the wall, half watching the stars through the window still with his mind running at a thousand miles an hour. He couldn’t get a job here, then he’d never be able to leave. Once he settled down as a blacksmith’s apprentice or something, every chance of leaving would be gone and that was something that he couldn’t stand.

Slowly he stood, his mind barely catching up to his movements as he went around the room, changing to warmer clothes that he could wear outside and digging his shoes out from under the bed. It was too small and dark in his room right now to think, he needed to leave the house for a little. He grabbed an old backpack that sat in the corner of the room, already packed up with a jacket, some food and a notebook, along with a pencil that was sharpened almost down to the end. It always stayed packed for nights like these, when everything seemed like too much and he had to get out. 

As quietly as he could manage, Dan unlocked his door, creeping out and down the hallway and stairs, on his way to the front door. He had done this enough so that he knew which steps to avoid in order to stay quiet and free from the relentless creaking of the old building. The door unlocked with ease and he silently closed it behind him, immediately making his way down to the docks. 

There was always something interesting happening down at the docks, not matter what time or day. Some ship was always either loading up or leaving and he had never once seen a moment where it was empty, even now, in the middle of the night. Lanterns lit the old, weathered wood of the dock, showing Dan a stack of crates that seemed to be unused at the moment, probably ready to be loaded up in the morning. Deciding that it was a good a place as any, he managed to climb up until he was mostly concealed behind them and pulled out his notebook.   
It was a diary of some sort. He wrote everything down, from his two am thoughts to what he had done that day to the song that was stuck in his head. It was a vent and a wonderful one, as no one had ever read it. Pulling out his scrap excuse for a pencil, he wrote down as much of the conversation between his parents that he could remember, along with his thoughts on the subject. 

I can’t stay here forever, He wrote, I’ll be stuck living a life like dad and I’ll amount to nothing. Born and died here, never having seen or done anything worthwhile. That’s not the kind of life I want to have.

Looking up, he watched a ship slowly pulling from the docks a while away. It was so graceful, so elegant with the promise of adventure. More than anything, he wanted to go along.  
I could probably swim over to it if I started now, His mind supplied helpfully, They might let me on. They might make me one of their crew.

“Yeah, and maybe they could drop me over the side with a weight tied to my foot.” He knew that they would never do something like that. They weren’t pirates, but he liked being dramatic sometimes. 

He could still see the ship ahead of him as he was grabbed from behind, a gag shoved in his mouth to keep him quiet. Immediately, he panicked, thrashing around the trying to scream but it did nothing as the arms holding him were much stronger than he was and after a sack was ripped down over his face, he couldn’t even try to see who he was fighting. 

“I’m going to die” was the first thought that came into his mind, and the second one: “I hope they don’t read my notebook”

It was only moment that he could think that though, as a few seconds later, a blow to his head sent him spiraling into the waiting arms of unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A pirate ship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks for all the positive feedback on the first chapter, let's hope that I can keep this up! :P I have a few chapters written out and I'm still working on the ending, but I think that I'll be able to actually finish this fic. I'll probs post on thursdays or fridays. Enjoy!

When he woke, the first thing that Dan felt was the ground moving beneath his feet.

Well, not his feet exactly. He was kneeling, on wood he guessed, and his hands were tied behind his back and to something that wasn’t moving, not matter how hard he struggled.

Is this hell? He wondered, his mind still foggy from being hit over the head. Was I really that bad?

As he started noticing his surroundings, he noticed that the sack was still over his head so that he couldn’t see anything except for a slight amount of light that came through the weave of the fabric. The floor moved beneath his knees, throwing him off balance whenever he tried to sit up straight and his stomach roiled with a feeling of sickness. A monotonous pounding in his head had him wincing every few seconds, but there was nothing that he could do to ease the pain.

Struggling was doing nothing, although it didn’t deter Dan from trying. He was tied low enough that he couldn’t stand, but high enough that his arms were starting to ache something terrible. 

The floor beneath him heaved and Dan felt his stomach churn as he fought against the sick feeling that was filling him. 

Oh God.

He was on a ship.

For a moment, he stopped struggling as he tried to tell for sure. He had been on ships before, but never when they weren’t tethered to the dock. He knew the way they moved slightly with the waves but this felt way too exaggerated. They must be moving, and not at a slow speed either.

He panicked, fighting to get free again even when it made his stomach turn over. How long had he been out? Where could he be now? How far away was he from the Inn? The only thing that stopped his mind from being completely overrun with panic was the sharp yank from above that pulled the sack off of his head.

Squinting, Dan could barely make out what was in front of him, having been used to the dark for so long. Everything was too bright, but he focused all of his energy to see what and who was in front of him, needing to know who it was he was with.

Guns came into view, along with obviously stolen clothes and and a lack of dental hygiene that could only belong to...shit.

Pirates.

As soon as he saw who had kidnapped him, Dan’s mind filled with a panic that he had never felt before. He struggled like he had never before, trying to yell, scream, anything, but the gag in his mouth stopped his words before they left his mouth. His mind wasn’t even coming up with coherent thoughts anymore, only replaying every horror story that he had ever heard about pirates and what they could do.

They smirked when they say him struggling, not doing anything to let him go, but also not killing him. They were waiting. The one who had pulled the sack off of his head grinned down at the teenager with a look that had probably been the last thing that someone had seen. The thought sent chills down Dan’s spine.

They were laughing at him, laughing at each other, and Dan’s never been more scared and on top of that he felt sick, the seasickness getting to him more than he would have previously liked to admit. There went all of his daydreams about being able to live on a ship.

Finally, they quieted down and Dan could see someone coming up behind the group, someone important.

His only thought was that this would be the person who would kill him, probably someone who would make a show out of it for the rest of the crew, and all Dan could think of was how much he would have loved to die back home instead of here. 

The new person came into view and for a moment, Dan thought that he must have been dreaming. There’s no way that this man existed outside of a story.

He was dressed in the same manner that Dan always imagined that he’d be dressed, complete with the two pistols at his hips and and the sword in his hand. He looked like someone out of a fairy tale, with his intense blue eyes that matched the sea outside Dan’s window and pitch black hair, darker than a starless night. He was dressed in what could only be stolen clothes but they looked good on him either way and his features were stone cold, devoid of any expression.

The tip of the man’s sword kept coming towards Dan, to the point where he was straining away from it as far as he could while still tied up. He continued to try to yell for help, although his words went unheard. The sword came to rest between Dan’s collar bones, causing him to freeze in fear of cutting his throat open on accident. His breathing slowed to almost a stop, although he could feel his heart beating faster than it had ever before.

Fuck.

“So you’re the accidental hostage.” The man said, his voice surprisingly low and tinged with a slight northern accent. He was so focused on the man’s voice that Dan barely even heard what he said. “I must say, you’re not really what I expected when my men told me that you were a man.” He leaned down, crouching in front of Dan and his hand moved slightly so that the tip of the sword poked against the exposed skin of his neck. Dan winced but didn’t move, still scared that he would accidentally impale himself. “How old are you?”

Dan swallowed, feeling the tip of the blade dig a tiny bit deeper against his skin as he did so. He didn’t bother answering as he was still unable to speak and even if he were able to, he doubted that he would have the courage to say anything in front of these people.

The man raised an eyebrow, looking less than amused. “Take the gag out, let him speak.” He said, and Dan’s heart leapt. As the gag was pulled forcefully out of his mouth, he was barely able to pull in a breath before he began yelling. He screamed to anyone to help him, hoping and praying to any god that he could think of that there was a port nearby. Instantly, the blade at his neck eased forward minutely, silencing the shouts to a whimper.

“Don’t waste your voice, there’s no one out here.” He seemed smug, already having guessed that Dan would try to yell for help. As Dan pulled in another breath to prepare for another cry for help, the man raised an eyebrow and Dan flinched, letting out his breath and pulling farther away from the man with the sword. 

“There we go.” The man pulled the blade away slightly, still waiting to see if Dan would yell again. He didn’t. “Good. Now again, how old are you?”

The panic in his mind almost closed off his throat but he managed out a quiet, “Eighteen.” He hated the way the pirate smiled.

“Well then. We might be able to sell you off after all.” The words made the rest of the crew laugh, the wry smile never leaving the man’s lips. “You see, some idiot in my crew managed to delude himself in to thinking that you were a girl and as we’re always on the lookout to sell, he got a little over excited.” He said the words with a coy smile, but underneath it, it was obvious that he was pissed. “But I think you’ll be worth about half of what we would normally get, which isn’t terrible. Just gotta make sure you stay in mostly one piece so that the price doesn’t go down.”

“Why did you keep me then?” Dan managed out, barely above a whisper. He was scared out of his mind and all he wanted was to get back to the Inn, get back to his cracked window and the thin walls and the possible blacksmith’s apprentice job. He needed to get away, but his mind was currently blank on ideas to escape. “If I’m not worth anything...”

“Oh sweetheart,” The pirate in front of him smiled. “You’re not worth a lot, but it’s something. I wasn’t about to pass up a perfectly good sell.”

There was something else besides just that, but Dan wasn’t interested. Not now.

His eyes jumped back down to the blade at his throat as he saw it moved, his heart pounding as he imagined how easily it would be to end him right then and there, but the sword only moved down and cut his wrists free from the weight that had been attached which Dan now saw was one of the masts of the ship. In his panic, he had barely noticed that he was on a ship, an actual, functioning pirate ship and the full weight of it hit him as the man hauled him to his feet and he saw the endless blue that surrounded them. They were in the middle of nowhere with no land in sight. No wonder no one had heard him yell.

A part of his mind wanted to celebrate that he had finally gotten off land and onto a ship, but the terror ruled over that and all he could think about was how much he wanted sturdy land beneath his feet.

His wrists were still roped together, and the man shoved him forward towards another pirate, the one who had taken the sack off of his head. “Take him below, keep his wrists tied.”

The man nodded and for a moment Dan considered fighting again, but he knew that he had no chance against these guys. They were easily twice his size and he didn’t want to try his strength against them anytime soon. 

He was led down below the decks, instantly starting to miss the sunlight as he was shoved into a holding cell that was less than half the size of his room back home. Bars served as walls and there wasn’t so much as a bench to sit on, much less than a place to sleep. He was shoved in by the pirate, his hands still tied so that he wasn’t able to stop himself from falling on his face and the man had only glanced at him.

Everything was dark, but not dark enough that he couldn’t see anything. There was a faint beam of light that was coming from the ladder which he had just climbed down and he could make out two more cells just like his across the room. There was a stool nearby where he guessed a guard would be staying but right now, the man only left him and climbed back up the ladder.

Pulling himself up into a sitting position, Dan leaned against one of the bars to rest for a moment before trying once more to yell for help. 

No one would answer. He knew that.

But that didn’t stop him from screaming and yelling until his throat was sore and it hurt to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!! Comments and kudos keep me motivated and also make my day! :) Let me know what you think so far!  
> Come say hi on tumblr: phailingphantasticly  
> UGH that Undertale video today they are so domestic!!! I can't!!! are they trying to kill us?!?!?!?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan begins working on the ship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I hope you're all having a lovely day today!!! I'm not completely pleased with this chapter but here goes!!

Dan didn’t know how long it had been since he had last seen undiluted, pure sunlight.

At first, he had tried to count the days and nights but his sleep schedule was so messed up that he was sure that he had missed a few of both and waking up when it was light outside was disorienting as hell. The man who had taken him down a couple days (weeks?)ago was the one who brought him food and after only a little bit did he cut off the ropes that held Dan’s wrists together. They were red and raw by that time, but he was only glad to be free of the confines.

On the first day that he had gotten there, it had only take a little while before he stopped yelling, partly because his voice gave up and partly because he himself gave up. No one was going to hear him, but he had allowed himself to hope. Now he knew that that hope was useless.

The guard brought him food and water, and he seemed like he didn’t want to kill Dan, which was a good thing. Compared to the others, he seemed like a saint, although he never spoke a word to Dan.

After a few days, Dan had tried talking to the man, asking where they were going, what his name was, even asking if he’d just let Dan out and he could swim to the nearest island. The man didn’t even crack a smile, completely ignoring the teenager as he dropped a small, tin bowl through the bars, it’s contests half spilling out on the cell’s floor.

Dan was going crazy. Never had he stayed on one place so long, even when he was sick at home he had escaped his bed and avoided his medicine wielding mother, and he was starting to itch with the need to move. The cell was big enough that he could pace back and forth, but it only took about four steps to reach each end. The bars were unyielding and there was absolutely nothing to do. He was still scared, to the point where his heart never beat much slower than it had when he had first seen where he was, but at least panic wasn’t taking over his mind. Not until nightfall at least, which was when everything attacked him from all sides, reminding him that he didn’t know where he was, didn’t know how much time had passed since he was home and most of all, he didn’t know what was going to happen to him. He was fairly certain the the guard had heard him cry more than once, but the man did a good job of pretending not to hear.

Footsteps sounded from behind him and although he immediately tensed, he didn’t look up. “Wanna let me out now?” He asked the guard, not bothering to move from where he sat, slumped in the corner of his cell, defeated. “I won’t tell anyone that it was you who did it.”

“I don’t think that would be wise.” A voice said and Dan was so shocked to hear an answer that he almost hit his head against the bars as he stood up. The voice didn’t belong to the guard at all; the man wasn’t even in the room. Instead, he had been answered by the man from before, the one who he held a sword to his throat and came fairly close to ending his life. Dan shrunk back slightly, moving away from where the man could reach him and instead pressing his back against the far side of the cell.

He must have looked as terrified as he felt because a smug look came across the man’s features. His pistols were gone along with their holsters and he was no longer dressed in the elaborate getup that he had been when Dan had first seen him. A sword was shoved into the sheath on his hips but it was the only visible weapon. “Hello again.” His voice sounded like one of a snake’s, moments away from pouncing on it’s prey. Dan pulled a little farther away. “Oh come on, don’t be like that. I won’t kill you today, I promise.”

Still, Dan said nothing, only waiting for the other man to speak first. He didn’t look that old, now that he had a good look at him. He was maybe a few years older than Dan was himself, which was surprising as he wondered how he got hold of an entire ship to command. Without the pistols and gettup and fancy hat, the man looked so much smaller. Still terrifying, but somehow less than he had before. Immediately, Dan shoved the thought from his mind. He couldn’t afford to think that the man was any less than what he knew he was. 

A pirate will kill you without a second thought, He remembered a man in the tavern saying once, They’ll rip off your head and never even look back.

Seeing an actual pirate in front of him made that seem all the more possible now.

“Do you have a name?” The pirate asked, and Dan stayed silent. The man sighed, “Are you really in the position to be being difficult right now?” He sounded annoyed and that was something that Dan definitely didn’t want, especially when the man was armed and Dan was trapped in a cage.

“Dan.” He mumbled, not meeting the man’s eyes. He was scared of what he would find there. “Howell.”

“Dan. Good to meet you.” He didn’t offer any name for himself, which didn’t bother the teenager too much. “We’re running a little low on a crew at the moment. We’ve lost a few to recent fights and we need someone to do the dirty work around here. Granted that it’s all dirty, but that’s neither here nor there. You’re going to be working out on deck, there’s small things that need fixing up and none of us can be assed to do it.”  
The words stunned Dan, and for a moment he didn’t know what to say. “You’re...you’re letting me go?”

The man snorted a laugh. “Hell no. But we need someone to clean and you’re here with nothing to do. It’ll take at least a month to get to where we need to be and until then, I’m sure you’d prefer working on deck than being trapped down here for a month, yeah?”

“I…um…yes?” Still apprehensive of the man, Dan didn’t respond with as much excitement as he could have. His mind was already analyzing different ways in which he could escape, elaborating all the way up to holding the captain at gunpoint and forcing him to take them back to his old home.

“And don’t worry, we won’t let you stray too far.” The man said it like it was something that Dan was worried about, being left alone for too long or given any sort of freedom. “You’re not going anywhere.”

The teenager’s heart sunk, although he wasn’t sure why he had allowed himself to think that the pirates would be that stupid as to let him get away. 

“You’ll be able to be on deck when the sun is up, but the moment it goes down, you’re going to be back here and don’t even try to push it. We don’t want you accidentally losing a limb, now do we?”

Dan shook his head with more enthusiasm than he felt and the man laughed. It wasn’t a pleasant sound. 

“Good.” The man turned on his heel about to climb back up the ladder to the waiting sunlight but he stopped at the last moment. “I’ve realized that you don’t know who I am.” 

Dan didn’t do anything, as he wasn’t sure whether or not he was supposed to know who the man was.

“You’ll call me Captain for now.” The man said, and Dan’s fears were confirmed that this man in front of him was the one in charge. “We’ll see how you do tomorrow.”

And with that he disappeared, leaving Dan to his thoughts once again.

*****

Early the next morning, the same guard as usual came down to give Dan breakfast and along with his meal, handed him some decent clothes that were a whole lot nicer than the old ones that he had been wearing for the past few days. He was still completely unsure as to how long he had been at sea. No one answered when he tried to ask and after a little while, he had just given up.

As scared as he was, Dan couldn’t deny his rising excitement to be out on the deck again, to be out in the sunlight again. He had spent a far too much time below decks, his eyes completely used to the dark to the point where he was apprehensive about having damaged his sight. His mind was a mix of emotions as he pulled on the new clothes, marveling at how they vaguely fit and how great the quality of them was. They were probably stolen, he realized, but he didn’t mind it all that much. 

 

A part of his mind was going crazy with planning an escape, trying to remember every single possible detail about the ship from before. The more rational thoughts invaded his fantasies about running away, reminding him that he was trapped on a ship full of pirates who could probably catch him within seconds of him escaping. 

“At least they don’t want to kill me, right?” he muttered, surprising himself as he heard his own raggedy, used up voice. His throat still hurt from yelling a few days ago and although he had cut down on it considerably, there were still times when he tried, hoping and praying that there would be someone nearby, maybe another ship that could help him out. So far, this proved to be fruitless, but it didn’t stop him from trying.

Within a few hours, the guard appeared from the ladder to bring him up. The door to the cell was unlocked and for a moment, Dan felt his heart soar. He almost made a break for it right then and there but the man grabbed his arm in such a strong grip that the thought was completely banished from his mind. 

He was hauled roughly towards the ladder and he didn’t need to be told that it would be useless trying to run. He knew that the deck would be full of people, all stronger and smarter than he was and that he didn’t stand a chance. These people could kill him, and Dan didn’t want to be reminded of the fact.

The blinding light hit him like a ton of bricks, forcing him to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment which he would have rather not done. The last thing that he wanted was to be unaware of his surroundings, especially in a place like this.

When he was finally able to open his eyes, for a moment he couldn’t breathe. It looked exactly like pictures he had seen, complete with the cannons and the polished wood that made up the entire ship. As he stood looking around the actual ship, he noticed exactly how small they were compared to the never ending ocean that surrounded them. He had told himself that if he were able to escape, he could probably just swim to the nearest island, but there was nothing in sight, not even another ship. They were alone and once again, Dan felt completely and utterly helpless. 

“Come on.” The guard shoved him forward, almost knocking the teenager over with the force of his push. “You’re working with Chris today.” He led the way to where the cannons sat lined up, all looking as if they were ready to fire in an instant.

Dan tried his best not to notice how much attention he was getting from the rest of the crew, ignoring their calling out to him and the terrifying grins that they shot his way. Maybe if he kept his head down then he could avoid at least some trouble. 

As they approached the cannons, he noticed someone sitting among them, completely covered in what looked like wet gunpowder but looked friendly enough. At least he wasn’t yelling out threats to Dan, which was better than he could say for the rest of the crew.

“This is Chris. You’ll do whatever he says, no questions asked. Got it?” 

Dan nodded and the guard left, disappearing into a cabin near the back of the ship. For a moment, Dan wished that he would have stayed. At least he sort of knew the man, better than he knew anyone out here at least, and it had gotten slightly comforting to know that the man was constant.

“What’s your name then?” The man, Chris, asked, looking genuinely curious. He had a look of mischief about him, but not completely in a bad way. 

He’s a pirate, Dan berated himself, You can’t trust any of them.

“Dan.” He said, not bothering to be polite about it. He was too nervous to think of ‘polite’.

“Right. Dan.” Chris grinned and Dan imagined himself smiling back. He didn’t. “Like PJ said, you gotta do everything that I say.”

PJ. That must be the guard.

Dan nodded and Chris looked pleased. “Right then.” He began explaining what he was doing and showed Dan how to do the same. Together they cleaned out each and every one of the cannons on the ship, Dan staying silent still while Chris talked his ear off. He suspected that he was stuck with this chatty man because no one else wanted the job. 

After a few hours, he built up a routine as he cleaned. He did the work, nodded at the right times during Chris’s monologue and did his best not to get distracted by the shit around him. He was still amazed that he had ended up there, on a ship that looked like one that he might have dreamed up as he lay in his bed at night. It was hard enough to work as Chris talked nonstop about seemingly anything that came to mind, but the fact that he was there—— 

Finally.

He was away from home and as much as his heart was beating his terror, he couldn’t quite bring himself to be angry or upset.

As he stood to straighten his back after continuously leaning over, he let himself glance up and around the ocean that surrounded them. The water was so dark, so much darker than it had been in the harbor back home. It was endless, stretching on for miles and miles, farther than Dan could see. There was nothing but blue in sight and although it was terrifying, it was beautiful. They were alone out there. It was only them where they were and probably only them for miles in each direction. 

“Kid, don’t just stand there.” Chris’s voice made him jump, jerking him out of his thoughts. “Phil will have you keelhauled.”

“Phil?” He didn’t want to ask about the keelhauling thing, although there was a look in Chris’s eye that made Dan think that he had been joking about that.

“Yeah, the Captain.” He grinned, leaning down towards Dan so that no one else heard him. “Don’t get on his bad side.”

Dan nodded. He hadn’t counted on the pirates being this friendly.

As the sun was starting to set, Dan completely forgot about working as he stood between the cannons, his eyes glued to the colorful spectacle in front of him. He had only ever seen the sun set from his house and seeing it out here was something completely different. It felt as if he were in another world, as there was no way that this was the same sunset that he had watched every night for the past eighteen years of his life.

“Kid, I think you gotta head back about now.” Chris’s voice came from behind Dan and the teenager turned to see the guard, PJ apparently, waiting as well. Chris didn’t look upset but PJ had an expression of annoyance that Dan knew he was the reason of.

“Sorry.” He mumbled as he felt PJ grab on to his arm, leading him back down below decks.

“See you tomorrow kid.” Chris called from behind him but Dan didn’t bother turning to look back. 

PJ led him down the ladder and once Dan was safely back in his cell, the door was closed behind him, it’s thick, metal clang reminding Dan of how trapped he really was. Sighing slightly, he slumped down against the bars, barely noticing when PJ shoved a bowl through with his dinner.

“You’re up at sunrise tomorrow.” He reminded Dan, “Get all the sleep you can.” He left and once again, Dan was left to his thoughts and a half full bowl of god knew what. He didn’t think that it was possible to feel any more helpless than he had a few days ago, but now that he had had a taste of the outside again, he missed it more than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!! Comments and kudos make give me life, thanks!!  
> Also, why do I always end up posting a chapter when a new video comes out or something? Dan's such a cute lil squish I love him so much.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan attempts to escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late! I know I said I (kinda) have an updating schedule, but so far I have proven to be very bad at keeping it up. Here's another chapter though, enjoy!!

A few days later, Dan tried to escape.

Although he knew that it wouldn’t be easy, the teenager’s mind had somehow convinced him that there would be no way he would get out of this alive so why not try to escape now? He had been working with Chris for the past few days, doing whatever he was asked to do without a fight. Even though the other members of the crew still muttered threats to him as he walked by, he was starting to feel like he and Chris might have someday been friends if the situation had been different. 

Dan still didn’t talk that much, only using one word answers when he needed to. Although he had been on the ship for at least a week now, his mind still tried to convince him that he was home. He would lay awake at night with his eyes closed, curled up against the corner of his cell with only a thin blanket to keep from freezing to death. He was convinced that he would die on the ship sooner or later and when the thought of escape came to mind, he figured that sooner was better than later. 

He had been working almost an entire day, nodding along with Chris’s conversation with his mind trapped somewhere else. All day he had been imagining his escape, somehow finding his way home and telling everyone about the pirates so that they could fight them off. 

As he saw the sun beginning to dip down near the horizon, Dan decided that now was a good a time as ever. Grabbing a few parts of a broken barrel as a flotation device, he backed up as far as he dared to the edge of the ship, glancing down at the water below. It was a far drop, but nothing that would kill him. If anything, he would be killed as they shot him from the decks after he jumped. Shaking his head, he cleared the thought out of his mind. He was going to get out. He had to believe that he would. Finally, he mustered up enough courage to move. He suddenly bolted across the deck, seeing heads turning to see as he made it to the edge, barely hesitating as he leapt over the side. His heart pounded loud in his ears both from the adrenalin and the drop from the deck to the water below. Hitting the water hard, Dan’s breath was knocked out of him for a moment and he floated for a moment, stunned, his eyes taking in the deep blue water that surrounded him before he finally surfaced. Immediately, he started paddling away from the ship as he used the fractured pieces of wood as a flotation device, it’s sturdy wood barely keeping him from sinking.

Hearing shouts and yells from above, he didn’t bother looking back as he saw the ship still moving, leaving him behind. For a moment, he wondered if it was really worth it, leaving the ship behind as he was now alone in the middle of the ocean with no food or water and barely enough energy to last a day. 

They would have killed me, He thought, It’s either die out here and at least be free or die there in captivity.

The ship kept sailing away and Dan was filled with a hopelessness that seemed to weigh him down into the water even more. He was alone. 

He almost cried with either joy or terror, he wasn’t sure, before remembering that he now had basically no water supply and that every drop of water lost would send him a little closer to dehydration.

A little bit away, he saw the ship lowering something into the water and for a moment he imagined them sending a row boat for him to somehow find his way back to land. Of course he wouldn’t have that much luck. Two men were visible, each rowing with more power than Dan could ever hope to possess. It was useless to swim away from them but he tried anyways, pathetically paddling away as they caught up to him, both looking less than amused.

“Kid, don’t even bother.” One said and Dan recognized the voice as PJ. Of course they would send him after Dan, the man seemed to have an equal hatred and tolerance for the teenager. The other man Dan didn’t know, but he was easily twice Dan’s size so he didn’t try to fight as he was hauled into the small rowboat. 

He was soaking wet, shivering in the cold evening air and the men didn’t even bother tossing him a blanket or jacket as they started rowing back to the ship.

Dan was miserable, hunched on the floor of the rowboat with his wrists held behind his back by Peej as the other man brought them closer to the ship. No one talked, no one mentioned his lame attempt at escape.

As they finally reached the ship, a ladder was lowered and he was shoved forward to climb first. His hands were shaking, either from the cold or from terror as to what was waiting for him at the top of the ladder and he almost lost his grip a few times during his climb. He knew that he wasn’t going to get far, and yet he had tried anyways. That was brave right? Maybe it was just stupid. His mind raced at a million miles a minute as he reached the deck, trying to distract himself from the fear that and he almost willingly let himself fall again when he saw who was waiting at the top.

The Captain stood, sword in hand now and looking pissed as he regarded Dan. 

“You’ve returned, I see.” He said, his voice cold and making Dan shiver even more than he was before. He ducked his head as he stood before the man, soaking wet and well aware of the stares that he was receiving from the rest of the crew. This had gotten him a lot more attention than he needed.

Peej and the other man climbed up and all eyes were on the teenager, everyone waiting for something to happen.

“You won’t be trying that again anytime soon, will you?” Phil asked, although it was more of a barely veiled threat than a question.

Dan shook his head slightly, positive that he would probably try again at some point, but not any time soon.

“Good.” Phil turned to Peej. “Grab the kid a blanket and something to wear. I don’t like seeing good money go to waste, even before he’s sold.” The words made Dan’s stomach churn with anger, but he stayed quiet, allowing Peej to lead him down below decks again, shoving him back in the cell and tossing in a moth eaten blanket and a change of clothes as well.

“Don’t go doing that again,” Peej warned, “It won’t do any good. Captain wants you here, you’re going to stay here.”

 

*****

Two days later, Dan tried again.

He had been let out the morning after he had tried to run and this time he saw that there were more rowboats at the ready in case he tried to jump again. Chris had set him to work, avoiding the subject of what Dan had done. Instead, he talked like always about anything and everything that came to mind and for that, Dan was grateful.

 

The teenager had spent the entire day trying to think up a different way to get away and by the next morning, he had a plan.

He once again waited until the end of the day to try again and this time, he tried to steal a rowboat to escape. Stealing a passing crew member’s pistol, the teenager held it in his shaking hand, “Don’t move!” he wished he sounded a little more threatening and less like a child. He pointed the gun at the man who had an infuriating smirk on his face.

Slowly, Dan backed up towards the rowboat, pointing the weapon at the slowly gathering crowd of pirates. “Don’t come any closer.” Slowly, his finger tightened on the trigger but it didn’t move. He probably should have grabbed a weapon that he knew how to use but in his need to escape, he hadn’t thought, only acted. Panic swept over him for a moment but he tried his best not to show it as he continued to back up. He could make out Chris behind the gathered group, a smile on his face as he gestured behind the teenager. 

For a moment Dan didn’t respond in fear that he would be attacked by the pirates in front of him, but curiosity got the better of him and he glanced behind him to see a man waiting there, a hand on the rowboat that had been Dan’s destination and a knowing smirk on his face. As he realized that he was trapped, the rest of the crew howled with laughter, even Chris joining in a little bit.

Once more, Dan was shoved back down to his cell and PJ gave him dinner and he was left alone.

 

*****

Over the next few weeks, Dan tried almost daily to find a new way to escape but after a few days, the crew caught on and started anticipating an escape. He even saw a couple coins being passed back and forth when he was caught and thrown back in his cell for the eighth time.  
It went on for what felt like forever, the routine becoming a part of the day along with the jobs that he would work on with Chris. He figured that it was probably some form of entertainment for the rest of the crew, watching him try and fail almost every day. 

Each night, Dan would lay awake, curled under the two blankets that he now had and did his best to imagine that he was home. He missed being able to see the stars from where he slept and he didn’t even know how long it had been since he had last seen the shine of the moon against the dark night. 

He had no way of knowing how long it had been since he had left home. Chris didn’t know as he didn’t keep track of that sort of thing(much to Dan’s annoyance) and the rest of the crew didn’t talk to him. Were his parents worried? Did they know what happened to him? Were they looking?

He liked to imagine them somehow finding him and bringing him back home, telling him how much they missed him and how they were so glad that he was safe. 

I’d probably enjoy working at the Inn after all this, He realized, The work there is nothing compared to what I do every day.

He laughed bitterly to himself, remembering how much he had wanted to get away from the sleepy little town when now, it was the only place that he wanted to be.

“What are you laughing about?” PJ’s voice was surprising, as Dan hadn’t realized that he wasn’t alone.

“Nothing.” He mumbled back. He had taken to speaking more often now days, although the conversations were never that interesting. He and PJ occasionally spoke, but they weren’t friends. “I want to go home.”

PJ stayed quiet at that, thinking it over for a second. “You’re not going home.” He finally said, “I won’t do you any good to daydream about it.”

“I know.” Dan said softly, and then quieter, “I want to go home.”

PJ didn’t answer and silence took over.

Dan stayed awake far past the last sounds of conversation above decks, listening only to the slight humming of whoever was on watch and trying to find a lullaby among the pattern of the waves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all your comments and kudos!! It seriously makes my day when I wake up to a new comment :) I hope you all have a great day and remember to smile!  
> My tumblr is Phailingphantastically come say hi!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ship gets attacked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. I failed at keeping up an updating schedule. Sorry to anyone who expected me to stick to posting on fridays. Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter! Dan kind of goes through an emotionally harrowing ordeal. Sorry Dan. :/

“Dan? Captain wants to see you.” 

It had taken a little less than a month for Dan to begin enjoying some aspects of being on the ship.

Trying to escape used to take over most of his thoughts but after a while, he had stopped. He didn’t know if it was hopelessness or just the lack of wanting to leave that stopped him, but either way, he didn’t care. He still slept in his cell although he was allowed out later now. He was able to watch the sun set multiple times now and each time it was just as incredible as the last. 

He had been working almost nonstop for most of the day, him and Chris working on re securing some of the rigging that had come loose in a recent storm. It wasn’t like PJ to come talk to him while he was working; The two of them only really talked during the quieter hours before Dan fell asleep, and even then it wasn’t as if the two of them were buddies.

 

“What? Why?” Dan glanced over at Chris, who only shrugged, continuing his work. Dan quickly climbed down and stood in front of PJ. Even though he was most likely going to get taller than the man, Dan instinctively hunched his shoulders whenever he was around anyone other than Chris. It was a habit and so far it had kept him out of hot water. “What does he want with me?”

 

“Just go.” PJ pushed him towards the cabin the back of the ship that Dan had come to know as Phil’s. He hadn’t yet been inside and to be honest, he really didn’t want to. He had heard stories from other members of the crew telling horror stories about other pirate captains and he had heard a whole lot from when he was younger and serving tables in the tavern. He hadn’t heard anyone talking bad about this captain, but that might have just been out of fear.

 

As he made his way to the cabin, Dan could feel his heartbeat speed up. Had he done something wrong? Were they finally sick of him being on the ship and were planning on dropping him off at the nearest port?

 

After being on the ship for so long, Dan could hardly imagine what it would feel like to have the ground solid beneath his feet. For some reason it scared him.

 

Tentatively, Dan raised a hand to knock on the thick wooden door, hesitating for only a second before he let his fist fall.

 

Almost instantly there was permission to open the door and Dan couldn’t help but glance back at the bright sunlight behind him before he walked inside, wondering for a moment if he would ever see it again. 

 

The door opened to a surprisingly bright room, most of the back wall being made up of a window that looked over the back of the ship. It was surprisingly clean and the shelves were covered with little things from all over: shells, bottles, small paintings. It seemed to be a collection of things from all over the world, souvenirs that showed where he had been. On the walls hung four decorative swords that looked as if they had been cleaned a few too many times and Dan wondered just why they needed to be cleaned that often. There was a table that stood in front of the window, the entire top covered in a map that had been drawn all over in with pencil. Ports were circled and small, precise words gave a brief explanation as to what each port had to offer. In the corner of the room, a small, potted cactus stood soaking up sun.

 

Dan had only seen pictures of them and heard people talking about them. They didn’t need a lot of water and sun was basically all they needed. The perfect plant for a ship.

The Captain cleared his throat, looking half annoyed and half amused at Dan’s fascination at his room. 

 

Immediately, Dan’s eyes jumped to Phil’s and his shoulders hunched. “Sir. You wanted to see me?”

 

The man nodded. He wasn’t dressed in any of the elaborate clothes that he always seemed to be wearing. If it weren’t for the dangerous look that was always in the man’s eyes, he might have seemed nice almost. The thought made Dan shiver.

 

“Yes, actually. I wanted to ask you something.”

 

The teenager waited, unsure again if he was in trouble. “Sir?”

 

“What happened to make you change your mind?” The question could be answered in a number of different ways, but Dan wasn’t sure as to where it was going.

 

“What?” For a moment he forgot that he was talking to the Captain. “What do you mean?” The man raised an eyebrow and Dan quickly added on a, “Sir.”

 

“I mean, what happened that made you stop trying to run away? Or are you just waiting for the right moment?”

 

The question had Dan closing his mouth, his brow furrowed as he tried to answer. “I don’t...I don’t really know, to be honest.”

 

“You don’t know why you stopped running away?”

 

This time, Dan answered with slightly more confidence. “I don’t sir.”

 

Phil raised his chin, leaning back against the thick wooden door. “I see.” After almost a month, the Captain was still scary, but not as much as he had been before. Before, Dan was sure that it was just a matter of time before the man shoved a sword through his chest and ended him completely. Now though, he wasn’t so sure. He didn’t seem like he would, and it confused the teenager.

 

Just as Phil opened his mouth to say something, he was cut off by a deafening blast that ended in a crash that shook the entire ship.

 

Instantly, the man moved and in seconds he had pulled on the jacket that Dan had first seen him in and the twin pistols were hanging around his hips. “You.” He pointed at Dan, “Stay here. Do not leave this cabin. Got it?”

 

Dan nodded, although that was really all he could do. He suspected that they were under attack from another ship or something and he wanted to see it. 

 

“Look at me.” Dan did, although it was more out of fear than anything. “I mean it.” The man’s eyes were serious. “Do not go outside.”

 

“Okay.”

 

And then he was gone, leaving Dan alone while the deafening noise of a fight outside of the door, roared.  
It only took a few minutes before he moved, cracking the door open slightly to peer outside and what he saw scared him. 

 

The deck was overrun with people who he had never seen before and they made the men on their crew look like children. These people were huge, easily big enough to squash Dan like a bug if they found him and he was thankful that the Captain had told him so directly to stay inside. If he hadn’t, Dan probably would have followed without a second thought and have gotten killed within seconds. As he was about to close the door, he caught sight of Phil. 

 

The Captain had taken on two other men who were at least twice his size each and still he was managing to hold them off while yelling orders at the rest of the crew. They all seemed to a mess but somehow they were working together, moving in a pattern with each other and managing to hold the other pirates off. They moved like clockwork and they seemed to be doing great, at least in Dan’s eyes. 

 

For a moment, Phil met Dan’s eyes and Dan was hit with a look so angry that he didn’t even try to put up a fight and instead disappeared back into the room closing the door behind him and leaning against it, sliding down to a crouch. 

 

People were dying out there.

 

And there he was, not doing anything except for listening as he heard yells and gunshots and god knew what else.

*****

 

It seemed like ages later that the fight ended. 

 

The door’s handle turned and Dan was jerked out from where he was lost in his thoughts, scrambling away from the door and grabbing the hilt of one of the many swords that hung on display on the walls and pointing the tip towards the door. His hands shook at the thought that he would have to fight off a pirate, especially the ones he had seen attacking the crew, as only one of them could probably break him like a toothpick. 

 

As the door opened, panic filled Dan’s mind and he lunged, swinging the sword at whomever had just come through the door. Instead of connecting with someone’s skin though, the sharp ring of metal on metal echoed through the room as another sword appeared out of nowhere and blocked Dan’s weak attempt to fight. 

 

He tried once more, desperate not to die here, not now, and once again his blade was met with the clang of the sword blocking his.

 

Looking up to meet the offender’s eyes proved to be a mistake. The pirate had only one eye, the other only a deep socket of nothing. Just looking at the man almost made Dan freeze up in terror, although his will to survive was a lot stronger than his fear at the moment. He swung again and again, miraculously holding the man off, even if it was by the skin of his teeth. 

This man was going to kill him if he didn’t defend himself, this man would probably the last thing he ever saw, he would never make it back home, set foot on solid land again, never put up with all of Chris’s never ending conversations, never amount to anything in his life—

He was going to die.

 

The sword of the pirate raised and milliseconds before Dan raised his as well, he knew that the force of this blow would in no way be stopped by him alone.

 

Desperately, he kept his arm out, ready and willing to be fighting until his life was taken even though he knew that it would be sooner than he hoped.

 

Moments before the deadly blow hit, Dan eyes shut for just a second out of reflex. 

 

Would it be better if it wasn’t his killer that would be the last thing he ever saw?

 

Or should he look the man dead in the eye as he was cut down?

Would he be able to be brave enough to do so?

 

The blow didn’t come.

Forcing his eyes back open, he saw that the half blind pirate was no longer in front of him. Instead, he lay crumpled on the floor, his back an open wound as marked by another sword. For a moment, all Dan could do was stare at the body that only seconds before had threatened to take his life. Now he was gone and the man who struck him down——

Phil waited, standing on the opposite side of the fallen man with a sword stained with red in his hand. He didn’t look angry or concerned or anything like that. He simply looked curious as he watched the teenager, still shaking from the fight. 

 

Even after the relief of still being able to breathe for a few more minutes, Dan’s mind was still veiled in a panic that now rose to the surface, his eyes catching on the bloodied sword of the Captain and his body moving on it’s own accord. 

 

He swung. 

 

Immediately Phil parried his blow, his face still a mask of interest. 

Dan swung again.

He was blocked. 

 

He fought again and again, each blow easily fended off by the practiced man before him. He continued desperately, his mind repeating over and over again, I will not be killed, I will not be killed.

 

It didn’t matter who was holding the opposing sword now.

 

It was a weapon and if Dan didn’t fight back, it would end him.

 

He continued, still hacking away and missing every single hit until finally, the opposing blade caught his and the sword in his hand went flying across the room.

 

Dan froze.

 

He had lost.

 

Only the pirate before him didn’t strike him down. Instead, the blood covered sword was lowered, disappearing for the moment in front of Dan’s eyes and the man only stepped closer.  
Their eyes met and although he still stood frozen on the spot, Dan couldn’t help but feel a sense a sense of familiarity and slight relief that he was going to die at the hands of someone he knew as opposed to a stranger’s. Although there really wouldn’t be that much of a difference, would there? Death is death.

 

“Calm down kid,” The pirate had his hand out in front of him, talking as if he were soothing a wounded animal. “You’re okay.”

 

“You killed him.” He killed him, he killed him, he killed him——am I next? 

“Yes.” The man said simply. “Would you have preferred that he killed you?”

 

Dan didn’t answer. He couldn’t seem to form any words that would be coherent by the time they left his lips.

 

“I thought not.” He crossed the room, walking right by the teenager and ignoring the way the boy flinched as his coat brushed against the teenager’s bare arm. “Are you hurt?” He unbuckled the twin pistols from his hips, tossing the elaborate jacket over a chair as he watched 

Dan for an answer. “Dan?”

 

He shook his head, “’M fine.”

 

“Are you?”

 

Dan nodded. He wasn’t.

 

“Good.” The man still seemed more curious than angry, he still watched Dan as if he were some new creature that he had never seen before. It unnerved the teenager, to say the least, and he found himself shifting awkwardly, unsure as to where he should look. 

 

“You held him off for a considerable amount of time.” Phil wiped the blood from the edge of the sword with a white handkerchief that he had pulled out of his coat pocket, “I noticed when he came through the door and by the time I was actually able to come find him, I was sure that you’d already be dead.” He turned to look at Dan, the icy blue of his eyes sending shivers up the boy’s spine, reminding him that this was the man who had murdered someone in cold blood, right before his eyes. “I’m impressed.”

 

“Can I go, sir?” Dan’s voice was tentative, but he needed to get out of there. He needed to get away from this murderer, away from the man who had tried to kill him and who now lay unmoving, away from the now bloody handkerchief that hung from the Captain’s fist——

 

“Yes.” Phil responded slowly, his eyes still unmoving from Dan’s shaking figure. “Yes, you can go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and bearing with me through my unorganized updating schedule!! All of your comments and kudos do not go unrecognized, every single one of them make me smile and make my day 154% better! :)  
> Come say hi on tumblr: Phailingphantastically


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's confession time. 
> 
> I have no idea where this story is going.  
> Well, okay, I kind of do, but it's very vague.  
> thanks to everyone who's reading this mess though, you guys are great! :P  
> Here's another chapter, enjoy!!

The crew of the opposing pirates had been ruthless, and Dan couldn’t help but notice that there were a few people missing from the crew as he made his way back to his cell. It was the first time that he had gone down there on his own, but the need to be alone overshadowed his annoyance at being locked up at night.

 

His heartbeat had slowed to a normal pace and he finally began to calm down as he forced himself to sit down instead of pace the way he wanted to. Pacing would only heighten his nerves and that was the last thing he needed. No one else was below decks and the only sound was the slightly echoed noise of the frazzled teenager’s breaths as he tried to calm down.

 

He had let himself forget that he was on a ship full of killers.

 

He had allowed Chris and PJ and even Phil to break down a section of the walls that were supposed to protect him and it had only taken a month. Only now did he realize that one of the things he figured would be his last thoughts were of how he would miss the crew. What had happened to that kid who, only a month ago, had been scared for his life every waking moment that he spent on the ship? The one who would sooner cut his own arm off than share a joke with a member of the crew. The one who would have never willingly gone back down to his prison in order to calm down.

 

What the hell had he been thinking?

 

He couldn’t trust these people.

They were planning on selling him, for fucks sake, they had kidnapped him.

 

Dan’s panicked thoughts were interrupted as PJ came down the ladder, looking clean enough except for a large red splatter on the front of his shirt that covered most of his front. “All right kid?”

 

Dan’s eyes stayed on the red stain and he didn’t speak.

 

Looking down, PJ acknowledged the stain. “It’s not mine.” Like that made it any better. “Listen, the fight threw us off. Now they’re telling every ship in the near vicinity that we’re here when we would have preferred to stay hidden. It’s going to take longer than we thought to get to our port.”

 

The teenager’s heart simultaneously sank and soared at the words. 

 

Although staying on the ship for longer would probably be hell, the thought of being sold off at some random port sounded even worse.

 

“——dangerous waters,” PJ was saying, “You should probably learn how to handle a weapon.”

 

Dan hadn’t been listening. His mind was trapped in a constant loop, playing and replaying the image of the pirate’s bloodied back, his unmoving form, the incomprehensible speed at which his life had been stolen from him. It had been over in seconds. Too fast. Was he going to die in that way? Maybe at the hands of another pirate like him or maybe even by the hands of someone he knew. Phil hadn’t looked like he would kill him, but one couldn’t be too careful. Dan wondered how he would die. It wasn’t a nice thing to think about.

“Dan?”

 

The teenager looked up, barely pulled from his thoughts as he focused on the guard in front of him.

 

“Did you hear me?”

 

Dan shook his head and Peej sighed. 

 

“I asked if you were okay.”

 

Hesitating first, Dan shook his head. He wasn’t, really. For most of his life, he had heard stories about fights and raids and deaths just like this one. For most of his life, he had thought that dying in this way would be heroic somehow. 

 

Now he couldn’t push away the image of the man’s blood on the edge of Phil’s sword.

 

Death couldn’t possibly be honorable. There was no way that there was something heroic about being killed in such a crude manner.

 

PJ sighed again. “Phil told me what happened. Everyone gets a little close to death at times, we’ve all faced it close up. It’s scary up close, isn’t it?”

 

Dan didn’t move. PJ thought that Dan was scared because he had gotten close to dying, when actually it was the pirate’s death that had left him without words. Yes, he was shaken up after facing a sword so close to him, but what his mind was also worrying over was the other man.

 

Would he be remembered by his crew? Had he been only as important as Dan was here and now faced being forgotten within the next few days? 

 

“You kind of get used to it.” Peej finished and the two sat in silence together for a few moments. “Oh, right. Captain suggested that you should start learning how to fight, you know, just in case.” He sounded nonchalant, but Dan knew that there were going to be many repeats of today coming up as long as he stayed on the ship. “For now we’re not going to give you an actual weapon as it’s only been a week or so since you last tried to skip out on us.” There was a look of amusement in PJ’s eyes and Dan wondered numbly if his attempting to escape had been the crew’s only source of entertainment. When he had stopped, it had seemed like there was a lacking sense of humor on board. “Wooden swords, all that stuff.”

 

Although a pirate, PJ seemed like one of the nicest people on the ship. He never explicitly said that he and Dan were friends, but the teenager felt that he was one member of the crew who didn’t actually want to see him die, which was more than he could say for most of the others. His bright green eyes and unruly hair were reassuring to see after the long day that Dan had had and although he didn’t trust the guard very much, it was better than nothing. Besides, it was nice to know that Dan wasn’t the only one who had to battle the curse of curly hair every day even though he had completely given up on trying to straighten it by now. 

 

If he was going to be given the chance to learn how to defend himself, especially from experienced pirates, he wasn’t going to pass it up. These men probably knew every single trick there was to teach on how to fight and although it would be good to know, Dan felt that he would never be able to use a sword or pistol on anyone without thinking of the first death he had just witnessed. Could he do that to another human being? End their life, right then and there? Would he be able to, even if his own life depended on it?

As PJ climbed back up the ladder, Dan faintly heard another voice say something to the guard and all Peej said in return was, “No, he didn’t say a word. You have to remember that he’s just a kid, and all this is new to him. He hasn’t grown up with this the way we have.”   
There was a mumbled reply but Dan didn’t bother trying to figure out who it was or what they were saying. 

 

“No, let him be for now. He’ll be fine.”

 

There was another answer, but Dan tuned out and stopped trying to listen.

 

*****

 

Dan spent the rest of the day and almost the entire night trying to push the memory of the bloodied sword from his mind. 

 

The image stayed right behind his eyelids, appearing each time he closed his eyes until he was scared to even blink. When he was finally able to catch some sleep, it was fitful and restless, having the teenager tossing and turning on the hard wooden floor or his cell. Each time he managed to doze off a little, he would once again see the bloodied sword that Phil had been holding, dripping with blood that could have been his own. As the night progressed, the dreams changed so that instead of seeing Phil’s face when he looked up, it was his own reflection, looking back at him with the same empty, expressionless look in his eyes as the captain had. 

 

As he woke, gasping for breath in the too small cell, he reminded himself that it had only been his imagination and stress that had caused such vivid dreams, but needless to say, he did not catch much sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was kinda short, but I hope you liked!! Thank you SO much to anyone who has left a comment or left kudos, I get stupidly happy when I wake up to that :)  
> Tumblr: phailingphantastically
> 
> Also, just a brief freak out: I'M GOING TO TATINOF ON THURSDAY I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahoo look at me I'm posting a chapter again! Enjoy!

It took all of the next day for Dan to start talking again, although he wasn’t entirely sure why the crew was worried about him. 

When he greeted Chris in the morning as they were about to start work, the man had looked as if Dan was just saved from certain death and proceeded to pat him on the back multiple times, as their friendship had not yet reached the stage of hugging. 

The pirate’s death from two days earlier still stayed in his mind, and although he was sure that he would never really forget it, he was able to put a block around it for the moment. During the day the image had mostly disappeared and it was only when Dan shut his eyes with the intention of sleep that it came back to haunt him.

Throughout the day, Phil passed by Dan’s work station three times and each time, he ducked his head and made sure to pretend to be busy in order to avoid any conversation. He didn’t think that he’d be able to handle looking the man in the eyes and be expected not to cower or yell at him or who knew what else he might do. After the first time, Chris must have noticed, as he would lean over and nudge the teenager each time the Captain made rounds on the deck and made sure to cut conversation short if ever Phil should try to initiate it. 

After the first few days though, the ship returned to normal and it was as if the fight had never happened. The crew filled the gaps that were left by now missing crew members and Chris and PJ stopped looking at Dan like he was a piece of China that was seconds away from shattering and Dan was able to sleep through a night without being woken up once by a nightmare. The teenager took to enjoying his time spent on the ship, despite the more logical part of his mind telling him that he was so obviously making a mistake in trusting even two members of the crew. Yet, just as his logic was starting to win out over his enjoyment, Chris would claim that he needed Dan’s help for longer than usual and the two of them would work under the light of the moon for the sole purpose of Dan’s obvious love for the stars. And moments away from when he would start to build up a wall to protect himself from anyone and everyone on board the ship, Peej would be there, sneaking in an extra blanket to Dan’s cell or waking up earlier than he should have, just to open Dan’s cell before the sun rose, so that he might be able to watch it.

The two made it so impossible for Dan to hate them that the teenager settled for raising his guard for anyone other than the two of them. 

They started training Dan in sword work and firearms in their spare time, claiming that Dan would be dead meat if he never learned how to defend himself, which Dan agreed with. He was just hesitant that he would actually be able to use any of the knowledge that they shoved at him if he was being faced with real danger. What made someone else’s life worth so much less than his to the point that it was okay to end it?

*****

No matter how hard Dan tried to remember how he handled the sword a few days before, he couldn’t for the life of him, figure out the correct stance. 

All he had done that day was hold a wooden stick in his left hand to imitate a sword and stand still as Chris and Peej made comments about how bad his form was and occasionally moved him around, having him change his grip on the stick and sometimes move his feet. It was bloody exhausting, but Dan stayed quiet. 

This could keep him safe once he was off on some island in the middle of the ocean with only enemies around.

This could help him stay alive in case of another fight.

Although the thought crossed his mind, Dan didn’t really imagine himself having to fight his way away from this crew. 

They’re pirates, His mind would tell him, They can hurt you.

But as he watched Chris and PJ obviously paying no attention to anything but helping Dan, his mind slowly stopped repeating itself. They wouldn’t hurt him, would they? He remembered how PJ had sneakily give Dan almost double rations a few days back after a particularly exhausting training session, and how Chris always did his best to sneak below decks to give Dan some company after he was locked up again for the night. PJ had a habit of leaving the door unlocked at night after everyone else had gone to bed, only warning Dan that escaping wouldn’t do him any good since there was always a patrol on deck and even though Dan did stay most of the nights in his cell anyways, the gesture meant a lot. He was trusted, albeit only a little and he didn’t think that he would try to escape even if he could. Although it was only a little gesture, sleeping with the door of his cell open was something that felt like a giant step forward. If Dan didn’t know any better, he would have said that they were good friends.

“Howell.” Chris grinned as Dan jerked his mind out of the maze of his thoughts. “Your posture is terrible.”

Rolling his eyes, Dan lowered his ‘sword’. “You sound like my mum.” 

“It’s because we’re right.” Peej cut in, “You keep slumping your shoulders like that and your eyes are going to be level with your knees by the time you’re thirty.”

Dan laughed, but inside he felt his heart twinge as he remembered the many times his mother had reprimanded him for his posture and how much he actually missed her. How long had it been since he had last heard her voice?

“Peej?” He hadn’t actually asked this question since he first was locked up there and no one talked to him, but the question had been pushed out of his mind in the past few weeks due to working nonstop. “How long’s it been since I was home?”

Chris looked uncomfortable and PJ frowned. “Two months? It’s been twice as long as we thought it would take and we’re not even at the right port yet.” He said the words like they were meant to be a joke but no one bothered to take them as one. They two of them obviously felt guilty about what had happened to Dan.

And for good reason.

Dan only nodded, his hand holding the ‘sword’ dropping. “Huh. You know what, I think I’m going to head below for now. It’s getting kinda dark.”

Both Chris and PJ glanced at the horizon where it was obvious that there was at least an hour left before the sun went down.

“Right.” PJ watched him as if he had suddenly sprouted a seconds head, but didn’t move to stop him. “It is getting pretty late.”

Chris laughed at his friend’s words, but his eyes betrayed how worried he was about the teenager. 

Dan felt both of their eyes following him as he climbed down the ladder to the dark room below decks that he had started to call safe. The immediate change in the light was calming and he let out a breath that came out a lot shakier than he expected it to be. His hands shook and he did his best to not accidentally let go of the ladder and fall the rest of the way down, although it was a strong possibility that he would, judging by how much he was shaking. Had it been the mention of his mother that had set this off? Why was it that after two months, he was only now realizing how much he missed home?

Although he could have just sat on PJ’s stool or literally anywhere else below decks, Dan instinctively went for his cell, heading to the far corner of the barred room and curling his knees up to his chest. Still, he shook like a leaf, his breaths fairly even despite him trembling almost uncontrollably.

What the hell? What had brought all this on?

Reaching up to push his curly hair from his eyes, Dan frowned as his hand came away wet. Tears? Again, he wiped at his eyes and found that there were indeed tears making their way down his cheeks, silent, unnoticed until now. Dan frowned, chewing on his lip as he did his best to shove the tears away. Surely just thinking about home wouldn’t make him cry like this?

As he did his best to staunch the tears and calm down the shaking of his hands, he could hear footsteps on the deck above coming closer and closer to the ladder that led to where he was and he found himself hoping and praying that whoever was up there wouldn’t come down and see him in such a state. It was bad enough that Chris and Peej were worried; That, Dan could deal with. Anyone else would just make matters worse and Dan didn’t want to have to explain himself to one of the other members of the crew.

To his great frustration, the footsteps stopped above him and he could see a pair of finely built boots start descending the ladder. Quickly, before anyone could see him, Dan wiped away any stray tears, pulling his hands into the over-sized sleeves of his jacket to hide their shaking and doing his best to look as if he were asleep and not currently crying. He curled himself closer and lay down, shutting his eyes just enough to see but not enough to be noticeable.

“Dan?”

Shit. It was Phil.

Dan quickly shut his eyes all the way, feeling his heart start pounding twice as fast as it had been before. 

Please go away, leave me alone, go away——

Unfortunately, Dan’s wishes went unanswered as he soon heard the unmistakable sound of the man’s footsteps approaching instead of leaving. They stopped only a foot from where Dan lay, the teenager’s mind running a mile a minute.

Go away, I’m asleep, go away——

“You know,” Phil was a lot closer than Dan thought he was. “Usually when people sleep, they breathe as well.”

Shit.

Still, Dan stayed unmoving, although now he let his chest rise and fall slowly as if he hadn’t been holding his breath before.

I don’t want you to see me crying, go away, just pretend that I’m asleep——

“You can get up, I know you’re faking it.”

For only a moment longer, Dan kept up the front that he was asleep before cracking his eyes open. The Captain was crouched next to him, a mix of confusion and amusement in his eyes. 

“Sorry to wake you.” Phil smirked as Dan sat up, “Why did you pretend?”

The teenager shrugged, his head still down and his hair easily covering any trace of tears that previously marked his face. 

“Okay,” Dan could almost hear the frown on the captain’s voice. “Why’re you down here, anyway? The beds not up to your standards?”

“What?” Dan almost looked up to finally make eye contact with the man before remembering that he still looked like a mess from the tears and he quickly ducked his head. “Beds?”

“The hammocks?” Phil sounded incredulous, “PJ didn’t tell you?”

Dan shook his head.

“We found a hammock for you with the rest of the crew. I figured that PJ wouldn’t be able to wait to tell you.”

Shrugging, Dan responded, “We were busy, maybe he forgot.” He turned his shoulder to Phil, trying to hint that he didn’t want company but the captain seemed oblivious. Why couldn’t he just leave already? It was hard enough that he had been crying before, and now here he was trying to make conversation as Dan held in tears.

“Huh, I thought that——” His voice cut off, “Dan?” The boy didn’t answer. “Are you alright?”

“Leave me alone.” Hunched shoulders against the older man, Dan turned away, already feeling tears welling up and wishing that Phil would just leave before he embarrassed himself any more than he already had. “Can you just leave me alone?” After a beat of silence, Dan quickly added on a “Sir.” So as not to seem rude.

Afraid to look up, Dan imagined the confused look on Phil’s face. Would he be angry?

“Oh.” For a moment, Phil sounded years younger than he was, “Sorry for disturbing you.” 

He stood and Dan barely held in a breath of relief. He heard a slight shifting of footsteps and as he heard someone on the ladder, he allowed himself to finally relax.

“Oh god, what the hell is wrong with me.” Dropping his knees down, Dan slumped against the side of the cell, the bars digging uncomfortably into his back but he didn’t care. He wanted solitude and thankfully, Phil had granted him that, albeit after a few minutes. At least his breathing had slowed to a normal rhythm and the shaking had stopped, for the most part. Still, it had thrown him all off balance after only a mention of his mum had brought him to tears only minutes earlier. As he felt the silence starting to take over, he finally allowed himself to let out a small sob and he winced at how small it sounded in the empty room. God he was pathetic.

“Dan?”

“What the fu—” Immediately, Dan was on his feet, eyes wide as he searched the dark room for whoever had broken the silence. “Phil?”

The man hadn’t actually left the room and was now watching Dan with an overly concerned look on his face, one hand on the ladder as if he was still intending on leaving. 

“Sorry,” He didn’t look all that sorry. “I thought you were hurt or something.”

“Why the fuck would you care?” Dan’s voice came out a lot harsher than he meant and almost flinched backwards when Phil frowned. “Sorry.”

Phil sighed, “Are you hurt?”

“No.”

Phil raised his eyebrow.

“No.”

“Fine.” Instead of walking away though, the captain crossed the room back to where Dan now sat huddled in the corner, dropping to a crouch before him. “What happened? Peej said that he thought you were sick.” He paused. “I was hoping you’d tell me before. Are you sick?”

“And why the hell would that warrant a visit from you?” 

“I wanted to make sure that you were...” Phil trailed off, studying the floor with sudden interest. “Because I don’t like seeing good money losing it’s value.”

Just as Dan was starting to think that maybe he and Phil might have been getting along, suddenly it was gone.

“Right.” He straightened up, not caring anymore if Phil saw the tear tracks on his face. It’s not like he was going to care. “Well thanks for dropping by, I‘m fine.”

“Are you sure?” The man’s eyes caught on the obvious look of despair on the boy’s face and his hands twitched like he wanted to wipe the tears away, but he didn’t move to do so. “Because——”

“I’m fine Phil, just leave me alone!” A sob was obvious in his words and he prayed to whatever gods were listening that Phil wouldn’t hear it. 

The man was obviously not used to being yelled at, especially someone as small as Dan, but he handled himself well. Standing up, he nodded curtly, still looking worried about the teenager but not arguing. “I won’t tolerate this sort of disrespect later on, so consider this a warning.” He turned on his heel and Dan could have easily let it be. Instead, he sat up a little straighter and said without fear, “Fuck off.” While looking Phil right in the eyes.

The man only watched him for a moment longer before leaving the room.

Great. The one thing he didn’t need was to have the Captain hate him, especially when he was only still alive thanks to the man. Dan was as good as dead now.

Except, what had Phil been saying before he changed his mind?

“I wanted to make sure that you were…”

Were what?

He couldn’t have actually been worried about Dan, could he have? Where had that come from?

Groaning, Dan shut his eyes again, burying his face in his arms as he tried unsuccessfully to forget the entire past half hour. 

What if he had Dan killed in the morning? What if they didn’t even try to sell him off at the right port and instead just dumped him where ever they were? What if they simply threw him off the side of the ship and left him to drown or starve or be the next meal for whatever was swimming beneath them? Each thought brought more stress to the already frazzled boy, causing the shaking to begin in his hands once more. 

After what felt like hours, PJ climbed down the ladder and once more, Dan pretended to be asleep in order to avoid conversation. Although he knew that the man would probably only mean well, the thought of having to smile like nothing was bothering him sounded far too tiring for now and even though he now had a hammock with his name on it waiting for him, he decided that he couldn’t be bothered to move, especially not now. Dan was exhausted and whether it was from the crying or the stress or even just the physical labor from the day, he didn’t care. He remembered to breathe this time and after a few more minutes, he finally fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you liked it! This chapter was a bit of an emotional train wreck, poor lil Dan. It'll get better I promise!! :) All of your comments keep me going and make me smile so much so THANKS!  
> Tumblr: phailingphantastically
> 
> I WENT TO TATINOF ON THURSDAY AND I'M STILL NOT OKAY ABOUT IT WAS ANYONE ELSE THERE??? I met Martian and Cornelia and i am currently still in shock i might be dead.  
> They exist in real life, guys, they're not just on screens. What is life.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan's v confused and rather angry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, updating this on time! Yeah!  
> Okay, this chapter is longer than others, don't expect long chapters all the time, i'll just disappoint you.

A week after the fight, Dan was still alive and breathing, which he counted as a win.

Phil had avoided him for the most part, which albeit a relief, hurt a tiny bit. Chris and PJ on the other hand, seemed to realize that although Dan smiled, it wasn’t nearly as often or as genuine as before. The two of them stayed by his side for the better half of a day, taking turns watching him as if he were a bomb about to explode. There was rarely a time when Dan was alone and didn’t have one or both of his friends trailing behind him like he was on death row.

The rest of the ship, on the other hand, went on as if nothing had happened. They either didn’t know, (Which Dan doubted, as Chris couldn’t seem to keep his mouth shut about any sort of gossip) or didn’t care that Dan had basically asked for death by yelling straight at the Captain.

A newly discovered perk of being trusted, Dan soon found out, was patrolling the ship’s decks at night. Because he wasn’t completely trusted quite yet he wasn’t allowed to patrol on his own, but he ended up tagging along with almost anyone. He found that there was something calming and relaxing about being one of the only people out on deck in the middle of the night as the ocean seemed still and the night almost always clear so that the stars were visible. Either while talking or maybe just walking in silence, Dan’s eyes were almost constantly on the stars, his mind full of thoughts.

Dan now had a hammock with the rest of the crew. He was almost too big for it, his long, lanky limbs almost always hanging over the edge, but he didn’t care. For the first time in two and a half months, Dan slept through the entire night. The ship still rocked beneath him but no longer did he have to sleep on the hard wooden floor of his cell, which he was extremely grateful for. 

“Psst, Dan.”

The teenager grumbled a bit, turning over in his hammock to avoid the whisper that had come close to breaking him from his sleep.

“Dan.”

“Go ‘way Chris.” He mumbled, lazily, “’don’ wanna do anything with you.”

“Dan, you need to go see the captain. You slept late.” Chris sounded annoyed, but not annoyed enough to get Dan out of bed.

“Tell him that I’m busy.”

“He knows you’re still asleep, pretending that you’re working isn’t going to do you any good.”

Dan groaned, sitting up in his hammock and doing his best not to fall over as the makeshift bed moved. “Wow creeper much.”

“Dan.”

“Fine. When do I need to meet him? And where?”

“Whenever you can, in his cabin.”

Groaning again for dramatic effect, Dan hauled himself out of his hammock, glaring at Chris as he went to get ready. “I hate you.”

“Hate you too.” Chris replied sweetly, blowing Dan a kiss as he left the room. “Hurry up.”

*****

“Phil?” ‘Captain’ sounded far too formal for a casual meeting and although Dan was scared, he couldn’t bring himself to call him anything other than his name. “It’s Dan.” 

No one answered the door and Dan found himself standing awkwardly outside as he waited for the man to open the door. Hadn’t he said to meet him in the cabin? It was the right time, wasn’t it?

After almost 10 minutes of knocking and waiting for Phil to open the door, Dan finally gave up and tried the handle. It gave, and the teenager mentally berated himself for not trying earlier. Phil wouldn’t mind if he just walked in, right? He thought of one of the last times they had spoken and how Dan’s last words to the captain had been “Fuck you”. Maybe going inside alone wasn’t the best idea.

As the door swung open though, all reason left Dan’s mind and he found himself pulled inside the room as soon as he saw the interior again. There was no one inside. He’d be able to explore, look around at all the things that he had wanted to study when he was in here last. Closing the door behind him, a small twist of guilt started in the pit of his stomach as he looked around the man’s private room. Should he be snooping around here while Phil wasn’t? It was a major invasion of privacy, but how could he stay away from the collection of small knick knacks that covered every single flat surface now that he had gotten a glimpse at them. Besides, he’d only look around for a little bit before he left and went looking for Phil.

Dan wandered around the room, his eyes trailing over everything so as not to miss a thing. Everything looked like it had a story that Dan needed to pick apart and learn and he couldn’t find anything that he wanted to look at without finding something else that was just as interesting. Finally, his eyes landed on a small seashell by the window sill, it’s blue colors slightly faded from constant sunlight. The sea had washed a small hole through the center of it and it looked as delicate as paper, as if a single touch could shatter it. Two small initials were sketched on to the edge of the shell, and Dan squinted to read what they were. P and S. There was nothing other than that to give away what it’s story might be, but Dan was sure that Phil knew every single detail about everything in the room. 

Turning to look at more items, Dan’s gaze caught on the desk that had before held the map with the penciled in notes. Now, on top of the map was a letter. Handwritten, intricate, full of words and Dan couldn’t resist reading at least a little.

 

Dear Sadie,  
I miss you so much these days. What I wouldn’t give to have you back in my arms, to have the reassurance that only you could give me. I’m sure that you could provide advice that I greatly need, but for now, it’s all I can do to write you.

 

The letter went on, illustrating Phil’s love for this Sadie, talking about small problems that he faced and Dan was surprised that his name wasn’t mentioned somewhere in the complaining. As he read through it, though, he made sure to ignore the slight twinge of something in his stomach that he didn’t really want to acknowledge just yet. Something that made his heart start pounding and his face heat up. 

It was nothing.

Just some weird temperature change that he hadn’t felt when he had entered the room.

 

I know that one day we’ll be together again, but time runs so slowly when you’re away from people you love. Sometimes I feel guilty when I wish that I could be with you now, even though I know that there is still much that I have to do before we are reunited. What is there to look forward to though? What's the point of sticking around, if you know how it ends? I will die, and my crew will find a new captain and everything else will go on. I don’t mean to be so pessimistic, but it’s the truth.  
I love you Sadie, and I miss you.  
Phil

 

Dan frowned. He had figured that Phil had some girl back home, but what was with him feeling guilty about wanting to be with her again? What was it that he had to do before they were reunited and why the hell had it sounded so dismal?

Backing up from the table where the letter lay, panic rushed through Dan’s mind as he felt the window sill against his back and something else——the shell.

He turned in slow motion to watch as the light blue shell tipped and teetered on the edge of the windowsill before plunging down and shattering on the floor by Dan’s foot.

Shit.

As he stared at the shattered shell, the universe seemed to conspire against him, as that very moment, the handle of the door turned.

Double shit.

Dan was frozen where he stood as the door opened and Phil shot him a quick smile before his gaze finally landed on the shell at Dan’s feet and the smile disappeared.

Panic rushed in to Dan’s mind as he saw the look of confusion, then anger take over Phil’s features. The shell, no doubt, had some sort of meaningful back story that Dan didn’t know of and now he had just smashed it, right in front of the man.

“Dan, what the hell—”

“I didn’t mean——”

Both stared at each other for a moment, Phil outraged and Dan silently terrified. 

“You didn’t mean what?” Phil sounded furious. “Do you even know what you’ve done?”

“No, really I---”

Phil’s eyes were filled with an overwhelming sadness and Dan watched in fascination as Phil’s lips silently formed the word “Sadie”. Then his eyes went back to Dan and the sadness was gone, only to be replaced with an anger that had Dan flinching slightly back. “What made you think that you could just come in here without my permission? What gave you the right to enter and see…” He trailed off as his eyes drifted to the letter on the desk. 

“You told me to meet you here.” Dan defended himself, mentally berating himself for entering and being caught in the act of snooping. “What was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, maybe not go through things that you’re not meant to?” The captain sounded bitter, “Maybe not destroy things that obviously have a lot of meaning to them? Maybe not completely invade my privacy?”

“What the fuck do you want from me?” It came out a lot squeakier than Dan had hoped it would, but he didn’t show how disappointed he was of his voice.

The words were obviously not what Phil was expecting to hear and his anger broke for a moment, betraying a look of confusion as he regarded the younger boy, still with an upset glint in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why the hell do you keep changing your mind about what you want me to do?” Dan growled. He knew that this was only a distraction from the fact that he had broken the shell that obviously meant a lot to Phil, but now that he had started, it was hard to stop. “One second you’re acting like you want to be friends and then the next, you’re yelling at me for something that was only a mistake and I can’t tell what you want from me!” He didn’t bother to keep his voice down, even when he saw Phil flinch. 

“Dan---”

“You were something I was sure of when I was thrown into this whole mess, someone I knew that I couldn’t trust and now it feels like you’re just messing with my mind on purpose!” Everything that he had wanted to keep secret from everyone was slipping out and he was too angry to stop it now. “I was fucking terrified when I opened my eyes and saw that I had been fucking kidnapped by pirates! Hell, I’m still terrified, but having a ground helps a little...”

“A ground?” Phil was obviously lost by Dan’s mad rantings, almost all looks of anger gone from his eyes and now only confusion. “I don’t know what you mean—are you okay?”

“A ground Phil,” Dan’s vision started to blur but he fought down any tears that had started to well up. He wouldn’t cry, not here in front of the man he was currently yelling at. “Chris and Peej are a ground. I know that they’re going to remain friendly to me and I know that they’re going to tease me about everything and I know that they’re not going to do anything against me willingly.” He swallowed, not sure if he should continue his rant or just leave it at that. It would be safer to leave it, but now that he was started, he knew that he would never say this another time. It was now or never. “You were a ground, because I knew that you and I would never get along! You held a sword at my throat and you always made sure to single me out when I didn’t do something right and I used to think that I could count on you hating me. I know this sounds crazy as fuck, but just——” Dan scrubbed a hand over his cheeks, trying to staunch the flow of tears that were fighting to get past his eyelashes.

Phil only watched the teenager with a look that told him nothing. His face was carefully blank, and although it was infuriating and terrifying, at least he wasn’t looking angry anymore. He said nothing as Dan caught his breath, only watched with curiosity.

“You keep changing and I can’t hold on to you hating me anymore.” Dan’s voice was slightly raw from yelling but he kept talking, unable to stop. “I was so used to glaring back at you when you’d yell and now you don’t yell and you don’t say anything about wanting to toss me overboard and you don’t act like you hate me anymore and I don’t know what to do! I just don’t fucking know anymore.”

“Dan…” Phil sounded so quiet in the aftermath of Dan’s outburst. “I don’t hate you.”

“Well, why the hell not!?” 

Phil didn’t flinch at the yelling, didn’t even blink, only watched the boy.

“Why the hell can’t you hate me again and then I could at least try to make sense of the god awful situation that I’m stuck in! I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what I want and I don’t know why I can’t hate you and I just don’t fucking know!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Dan saw Phil move forward slightly, “Dan, I don’t hate you.”

Moments before they were close enough to touch, Dan backed up, “No, you’re going to ruin it.”

“Ruin what?”

“Don’t say that you don’t hate me. It’ll ruin me.”

The pair stood before each other, silence filling in the spaces in between them and slowly drowning them as they waited for the other to say something.

Dan’s heart pounded as he waited with bated breath to see what Phil would do. He knew for a fact that yelling at the man was a bad idea but now that he had, why wasn’t Phil doing anything? Wasn’t he angry? Wasn’t he going to yell?

“Please say something.” 

Phil didn’t.

“Please.”

Still nothing.

Dan’s head dropped in defeat, his shoulders hunched and he fought hard to keep the tears from falling. Why couldn’t Phil just hate him? Why couldn’t he just say to leave, why couldn’t he just send him away——

Gentle arms encircled his shoulders and suddenly his panicked mind calmed down so that the only thought in his head was Phil. Phil who was holding him and letting him cry on his shoulder. Phil who worried about him, Phil who cared about him, Phil who didn’t hate him. Phil.

“Shh, you’re alright.” Never before had Dan thought that Phil’s voice could be calming and gentle. “You’re fine.”

Dan shook his head against Phil’s chest, wanting to deny that he was. He wasn’t okay. He wasn’t fine. But he found it impossible to form words to argue against the man and only held tighter to him. He was thankful, for the moment, that he was shorter than the other man so that he was able to avoid eye contact. 

They were close enough that Dan could easily hear Phil’s heartbeat, slow, steady, so much calmer than the frantic racing of his own. Phil’s hands traced out circles against Dan’s back, and the teenager found himself matching his ragged breaths to the rhythm on his back, his hands gripped tight in the front of Phil’s shirt as just something to hold on to.

“You’re alright Howell, calm down.” Damn, why did he always sound so put together and calm?

Dan drew back slightly, knowing that he looked like hell, and kept his eyes down on the floor.

“You okay?” Phil sounded concerned, but not enough that Dan would look up again. He nodded. “Good.” There was a beat of silence in which both seemed to realize what had just occurred. Dan still stood in Phil’s arms, his hands holding tight to the front of his shirt and as he noticed that, he quickly let go. Phil’s hands disappeared from his back and neither made eye contact.

Phil broke the silence. “Once you’re ready, go find Chris, he has a job for you.” The man straightened up, all the comfort and concern in his face gone and in it’s place was only the stoic calm of the Captain. “We’re headed to a port soon, we need to be on the lookout for spies.”

Dan’s jaw all but dropped at the sudden change of character from the man. Only seconds ago he had been holding Dan in his arms, calming him down and telling him that he was okay and now all of a sudden it was as if nothing had happened.

“R-right.” The boy’s shoulder’s still shook slightly but he did his best to steady them. If Phil was going to pretend that nothing had happened, then so would he. He backed up slightly before he left the room, wanting to watch Phil as much as he could before he left, but the captain didn’t move, his eyes hypnotized by the pattern on the floor and his arms hanging limply by his sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUCH ANGST! Poor Dan isn't sure what to think of Phil. Let me know what you thought in the comments! :) Aslo, let me know where you think the story is going or any ideas as to where it SHOULD go. :P  
> Tumblr: phailingphantastically


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you SO much for the nice comments on the last chapter, you seriously made my entire week! :) Here's another chapter yayyyyy

Normally, Dan’s thoughts were hard to understand, even for him. Recently, though, they had taken a turn for the worst. His mind was always full of anything and everything, so much sometimes, that they drowned everything else out and his conflicting thoughts about the ship and its crew were doing nothing to ease this. Yes, they had kidnapped him. Yes, they had held him hostage and planned to sell him on some island. Yes, they had kept him locked up for about a two months.

Just as Dan had decided that he should be scared and angry with them, another part of his mind spoke up, reminding him of how much he hated it back home and how he was finally doing what he had always wanted to do. He remembered how much he actually liked Chris and PJ and how they seemed to get along like a house on fire. He remembered Phil holding him the other day, calming him down and telling him that he was fine. Maybe it wasn’t so bad on here.

“Dan, you alright?” PJ had stopped in front of the teenager causing Dan to almost crash into him as he wasn’t looking where he was going. “You’ve been quiet all day.”

The two were on watch, although it was more of PJ that was on watch and Dan was tagging along. Dan took any excuse he could to see the stars and walk around at night when everything was quiet. It helped him think.

Dan shrugged. “I’m tired.”

“I know what you’re like when you’re tired.” Peej reasoned, shaking his head, “You only get quiet like this when you’re upset.”

Dan shrugged again, but didn’t respond.

Sighing, PJ turned, crossing his arms and watching the younger boy closely. “Daniel.” At this, the boy looked up, as none of the crew ever called him by his full name. He didn’t even think that he had ever told any of them it, either.

“What?”

“What’s bothering you?”

Dan opened his mouth to brush the worry off, but was cut off by the sound of approaching footsteps. 

“Ligouri.” Phil nodded a greeting as he approached and PJ jerked his head in acknowledgment.

“Captain.”

“Howell.” Phil’s gaze landed on Dan, but the teenager dropped his eyes to the deck.

“Hey.”

There was a brief silence in which Dan didn’t look up. It had been a few days since he had accidentally broken down in the man’s arms and to be honest, Dan wasn’t quite sure where he and Phil stood. He was surprised Phil hadn’t come to find him earlier and made him talk about what happened. Subconsciously, he had been avoiding the man, knowing that something had happened between them and also knowing that he didn’t want to think about it, much less talk to Phil about it. He figured that if he stuck with Peej then he’d be fine.

“PJ, I’ll take over the watch from here. I need you up early tomorrow.” 

“Sir.” PJ sounded confused, but he didn’t say anything to protest. 

Frowning, Dan went to follow PJ. Since when did Phil worry about how much sleep his crew was getting? Dan had thought that it would be a low priority to the man. Deciding not to worry himself about it, Dan was about to walk away as well before Phil grabbed his arm, his grip gentle but still strong.

“Dan, I would assume you’d want to spend more time out here before turning in for the night?” Phil smiled as he spoke and for a moment, Dan thought that he didn’t really look like the killer who Dan knew he was. “There’s not that much longer before your shift is over, perhaps you could join PJ when we finish?”

We?

“We, sir?”

Phil nodded.

“I…” Dan glanced over at PJ who had his eyebrows raised as he glanced back and forth between them. “Yeah, okay?” 

PJ shrugged, “See you later then.” As he left, Dan and Phil were left in a silence that seemed suffocating as it settled around them.

“Well then. Shall we?” Phil gestured forwards and it was all Dan could do to follow. 

They walked in silence for a few moments, Dan walking a few steps behind Phil as he was still brimming with apprehension. His mind flew at a mile a minute, going over each and every outcome of the night, each getting more and more outlandish. He hadn’t really shown signs of anger at the teenager lately, not since that day in his cabin. He seemed to have changed his mind about Dan and genuinely didn’t hate him anymore. Then again, the lack of scowls sent his way also took any acknowledgment of each other as well. They passed on the deck and neither made eye contact, both probably remembering how Dan had broken down. It was as if they were ghosts, or maybe the same side of a magnet, constantly avoiding each other. Now though, they were alone and there was only so much silence can do before someone has to talk. Would Phil be upset? What if he changed his mind and just cut his guts open here and now? The thought made him shiver and he ducked his head when Phil looked over at him.

“Are you cold?” Fuck him, he actually sounded concerned.

Dan shook his head, “I’m fine.”

For a moment, Dan and Phil’s hands brushed against each other’s, sending a spark of electricity shooting up Dan’s arm. The backs of their hands pressed into each other’s and it only took a second before he jerked his hand away as if it had been burned. Phil apologized and Dan nodded, but he couldn’t help focusing on the small part of his hand that he brushed against Phil’s. The Captain’s hand was rough and calloused as any of the crew, but somehow, it was soft as well. It had left behind a small feeling of warmth where it had touched against Dan’s cold hands and he did his best to ignore it.

“Dan…” Phil sounded unsure. “I’m not bringing you out here to kill you.” He watched with a smile as a blush crept up the teenager’s cheeks and a shifting of his feet gave the boy away. “Wait. Did you really think that I’m planning on shooting your or something?”

Shrugging, Dan said, “I assumed a sword would be quieter.” Yes, he was starting to think more of the crew and their morals, but he still didn’t put it past Phil to snap one day and put an end to him. “ ’Sides, you haven’t really given me a whole lot of reasons not to believe that you would.”

“What, kill you?”

Dan nodded, making sure that his back wasn’t towards the railing of the ship, just in case. He didn’t want to risk anything.

“I guess you’re right.” Phil offered a sheepish smile as if he had just mispronounced Dan’s name instead of leading him to believe that he was planning on killing him. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Very convincing.” Dan’s words were stuffed full of sarcasm and Phil frowned.

“I thought I made that clear the other night.”

Dan turned red as he remembered how he fell apart in Phil’s arms, and didn’t respond so that the conversation fizzled out.

Dan wanted desperately to walk faster to get the job done so that he could just go back to where there was a large group of people, most of which he knew for sure wouldn’t kill him. Phil seemed to know exactly what he wanted though, and walked slower so that Dan had to slow his pace down as well in order to never have his back facing the Captain. It was infuriating. Why couldn’t he just move faster? Did he really need to check around the ship this throughly?

The man had a small, satisfied smile on his face and he looked as if he had never been happier to be walking around a dark ship with the person he had kidnapped. Dan hated him. He was calm, smart, constantly in control of everything, able to command his men with only a word and with a mind full of stories from the many places he had traveled...he was everything that Dan had always wanted to be. 

He looked like something that Dan would imagine himself as in the future, complete with the costume and ship and crew, which wasn’t at all fair. He had spent his entire life dreaming of someday being on a ship like this one and in a sick twist of fate, he had gotten himself kidnapped and held hostage on one. 

Dan wondered how far he was away from the nearest port. Was it close enough to swim? He wasn’t a bad swimmer after living eighteen years right next to the ocean; He could probably make it if land was close enough. Maybe he should just jump and hope for the best. Would Phil shoot him from the deck? Would he dive in after him? Maybe he’d just wake up the rest of the crew to go after him. If he did that, then it would take a considerable amount of time before they caught up with him and if he stole a rowboat somehow….

He trailed his hand over the tied up rowboat next to him, imagining pulling the knots loose and somehow making it past Phil, leaving behind the ship and everyone on it. It was a nice daydream. Even if he could make it past the railing though, how long would he last without food or water? With his luck, he’d probably be leaving the land behind, rowing out into the deeper ocean without knowing it.

“If I tried to escape right now, would you stop me?” Dan didn’t know why he said the words out loud, but they didn’t seem to surprise the Captain.

“Yes.” He said simply, “You’d die out there on your own; We’re far away from any land.”

Dan stayed silent. What had happened to ‘we don’t want to lose possible payment when we reach the port’? What happened to ‘Don’t try again, if you value your limbs’?

“Why do you keep doing that?” The words came out far more forceful than Dan had meant them, but he didn’t try to take them back.

Phil frowned, “Do what?”

Although he knew that he would probably regret asking later on, right now he didn’t care. “Why do you sometimes say stuff like that as if you care if I’m okay and then five minutes later, there’s a sword at my throat? Can’t you just decide if you want me dead or not? You tell me that you’re not going to hurt me, you say that you don’t hate me, but I’m getting the feeling that you don’t mean it.” The flair of courage that had brought the words to his lips dissipated. He let a beat of silence pass before he sighed. “I just….I don’t know what to think of you.” The words were pathetic, whiny, and Dan hated them the moment they left his mouth. He ducked his head so that he wouldn’t have to look at Phil, his eyes traveling along the grains of the wood that made up the deck. He hadn’t needed to tell Phil that, he hadn’t needed to tell Phil anything. 

He heard Phil pull in a breath and he kept his eyes downcast, already knowing that the pirate was going to try to convince him that he was the good guy, that Dan should trust him and Dan was scared that he’d believe him. 

Instead, Phil said, “You probably should hate me.”  
Dan looked up, his eyes wide and confusion probably evident among his features. “What?”

“You have every right to hate me, after all I’ve done to you and put you through. You’ve been right in your distrust in me because there are times when I myself begin to think that I hate myself. It’s very easy to do so when you’re in my line of work.” Phil seemed sad for a moment. A moment so brief to appear and disappear that Dan thought that he must have imagined it. 

“Your fear and hatred of me is probably the best way to deal with me.”

Dan frowned, his pride getting the better of him for a moment. “I’m not scared of you.”

Phil raised a single eyebrow, disbelieving, “Sorry. I must have read you wrong.”

Although they were around the same height, Phil seemed so much taller than Dan, making the younger boy hunch his shoulders. “ ‘M not scared of you.” He said again, and Phil didn’t push it.

“Alright.”

The man was so confusing to watch and be around. One moment there was sadness on his face, the next it was like it had never been there and that smug smile was back, always knowing something that no one else did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp! Hope you liked it! Again, let me know what you think so far, your feedback is fantastic! :)  
> Tumblr: Phailingphantastically


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! How are you? Good? GREAT! If not, I'm sorry it'll be okay you're amazing!  
> I've had quite a lot of sugar today.  
> Enjoy the chapter!!

It was days later when they spoke again.

Dan was starting to notice a pattern in their conversations. If they spoke for at least ten minutes for one day, it was more than probable that they wouldn’t speak a word to each other for the next few days. It was as if they had used up all the conversations that they had for the week and once they used them all up, they were left with nothing and only nodded at each other in passing during the days that followed. 

 

“What’s up with you and the captain?”

 

The question was asked almost daily from either Chris or PJ but Dan never had an answer. He didn’t know what to tell them when he didn’t even know what had happened himself. 

 

Each time the Dan and Phil passed each other, they would share a nod and Phil would occasionally smile but that was all. No words were exchanged and neither did anything to change this even though both of them constantly wished the other would say something to break the silence that they shared. 

 

Dan tried his best to keep the memory of their hands touching at bay, but each time that he and Phil made eye contact, his mind would immediately remind him of how soft and warm 

Phil’s hand had been against his own. It wasn’t fair that this tiny little encounter should have this much affect on him.

 

It wasn’t until they literally crashed into each other that they started talking again.

 

“Dan!”

 

Phil almost fell over as he crashed into the younger boy while turning a corner, moments away from losing his balance as Dan caught his elbow and stopped him at the last minute. 

“Woah, are you okay?” For a moment, Dan forgot that he didn’t normally talk to the man as he stopped him from falling. 

 

“I’m fine.” Phil laughed, steadying himself, “Thanks. I should probably be used to this by now, I can’t really say that I’m not clumsy.”

 

Dan nodded and almost smiled before ducking his head. 

 

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to talk to you—”

That’s never good, Dan thought, his walls already building up but he didn’t say anything.

 

“You’ve been training with Chris and PJ lately, correct? Swords, pistols, hand to hand…?” 

 

Dan shrugged. “Sort of. I mean, we’ve covered some stuff.” He didn’t bother mentioning that most of their ‘training sessions’ ended up with Chris and Peej bickering until Dan silently slipped away to climb the rigging or explore more of the ship, enjoying the silence and solitude while it lasted. 

 

“Some stuff.” Phil echoed, chewing his lip and looking lost in thought.

The silence between them stretched as Dan waited for Phil to speak and Phil looked out over the waves as if some secret waited there for him. 

 

“Phil?” Immediately, Dan winced as he realized that maybe he should refer to the man as something more formal. So far, the man hadn’t said anything about it when Dan called him Phil, but was he supposed to be calling him ‘Captain’ or ‘Sir’ or something more respectful?

 

“Hm?” The man turned towards Dan his eyebrows raised in question and a ghost of a smile on his lips. Dan couldn’t remember why he had thought the man was scary looking when he had first met him.

“Was there a point to this conversation other than asking me how my training was going?” Although there was an undertone of sarcasm to his words, Phil only smiled.

 

“Sorry, yes.” He shook his head a little like he couldn’t believe that he had forgotten what he was originally going to ask the teenager. “I was wondering as to how well your training was coming along because it still seems like you haven’t retained much.” It could have been offensive, but Phil said the words with such gentleness that Dan almost didn’t pick up on it. 

 

“Chris and PJ are good teachers.” He didn’t want to throw his friends under the bus, even if they were shit at teaching Dan anything important. 

 

Phil raised an eyebrow. “Really.”

 

Dan nodded hesitantly.

 

“I was going to offer to teach you myself, but if they’re doing well….”

 

Phil teach him one on one? Hell no. Already, there was enough tension between the two of them to last a lifetime and spending more time together with only the two of them was the last thing that they needed. 

 

“They’re great teachers.” Dan said, with as much certainty as he could muster. 

 

“Well, you and I should go at it some time, you can show me everything that you’ve learned.” There was an edge of a smile to Phil’s words that was sharp enough to cut at Dan’s pride. “I’m sure that between the two of them you’ve learned a lot.”

 

Dan swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah’d be fun.”

 

Phil smirked. “I’m glad. I’ll see you around Dan.”

 

*****

“I’m dead. That’s it, I’m dead.” Dan paced back and forth in front of Chris, wringing his hands as he re told his friend what had happened a few hours earlier. “I’m going to show up and he’s going to challenge me to a duel and he’s going to accidentally kill me because I don’t actually know how to use a sword and then I’ll never get back home and I’ll never——”

“Kid, calm down,” Chris had his hands up as if that would calm the teenager down. “You’re not going to die.”

 

“I am! He’s going to cut me down and it may or may not be an accident, but either way I’ll be dead and no one would care—”

 

“Dan!” 

 

The boy turned, nerves ratcheting higher as he saw the concern in his friend’s eyes. If Chris was nervous, Dan had a right to be as well, right?

 

“What?”

 

“You’re going to go talk to him and you’re going to let him teach you how to fight and defend yourself. What’s so bad about letting him teach you?” Chris didn’t understand. “He’s better than any of us are at combat and you’ll be far better off with him than with Peej and I.”  
Dan shook his head. “No, you don’t——” He shook his head again. “You don’t understand…”

 

“What’s not to understand? You tell him that you’re taking him up on his offer and you’re going to let him teach you.”

 

Sighing, Dan let himself drop down in front of Chris, his face in his hands. “If I do, it means that I’m admitting defeat. I already told him that I was being taught by you and Peej, I don’t want to have to admit that I lied to him.”

 

Both stayed quiet as Dan’s mind ran at a mile a minute 

 

Chris respected the silence for a moment, until, “You’re going to have to face him.”

 

Dan groaned.

 

“You can’t put this off the way you do with most things.”

“I know.”

 

It took a day and a half before Dan had worked up enough humility to knock on Phil’s office door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Each of you make me so incredibly happy for having read this so far and telling me all your thoughts on it, I absolutely LOVE hearing from you all! :)  
> tumblr: phailingphantastically  
> And OMG a Pokemon Go gaming video we are well and truly blessed I can't wait :P


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAAAAAAAAA ANOTHER CHAPTER????  
> HEck yeAh LOOk aT Me UPdaTinG TwiCe iN oNE WeEK!  
> Sorry that was annoying. Enjoy!

The first morning that Dan was scheduled to begin his training with the Captain, was the morning that he lay in his hammock, wondering if he should even bother getting up.   
He watched the light begin to filter through cracks in the ceiling, absently noticing that he had slept late and that he should have been up hours ago, before the sun had risen. Maybe he should just pretend that he forgot about his lessons and apologize later on when they inevitably crossed paths. Maybe he should steal a rowboat and run away. Maybe he should just get up out of his hammock and face the Captain.  
Groaning, he rolled over so that he tipped out of the hammock, landing on his feet after having a few days of practice.   
He didn’t want to admit that he was nervous.  
All that was going to happen today were a few strength exercises and maybe some tips on proper stance. There was literally nothing to be worried about besides the fact that Dan and Phil were going to be alone together and that everyone was going to be expecting sounds of sword fighting to be heard from the cabin. If they actually fought and someone heard it, they would probably only think that they were training.  
Dan shivered.  
As he approached the Captain’s door, his hands began to tremble slightly from nerves and his mind wouldn’t shut up. His shoulders were tense and he couldn’t seem to relax them no matter how hard he tried, the image of the vacant, curious look in Phil’s eyes when he had struck down that pirate trapped behind his eyelids.  
Phil wouldn’t hurt him intentionally, would he?  
The man had seemed so mild mannered before he had killed someone right before Dan’s eyes. The teenager had thought that Phil wouldn’t be able to squish a bug. Now, he was worried he would be next on the man’s list.  
Finally, he knocked on the door and was greeted by an affirmative to enter. Nerves ratcheting higher, he pushed the door open and saw that the windows in the back of the room had been covered up by thick curtains that hardly let any light in, and what was allowed in was thin and barely lit up the room.  
“Hello?” Dan hated the way his voice quivered in the darkness, wishing that he had cleared his throat before speaking. “Phi—”  
His words were cut off by a sudden movement to his right and instinctively, he turned towards it. It wasn’t even seconds later that he saw a blade appear out of the darkness and come rushing at his throat, the hilt and whoever was holding it still hidden.   
The blade swung forward and Dan cried out, almost falling over as he attempted to get away from the sword, but it never landed on him. Instead, the sword stopped right at his throat, it’s cold metal sending shivers down his spine.  
“You’re dead.” Phil stepped forward into one of the weak patches of sunlight that had filtered in through a crack in the curtains. “If this were a real fight, you’d already be bleeding out on the floor.”  
Dan swallowed as he glanced down, staring at the exact same patch of wood where the other pirate had breathed his last breath. Looking back at Phil, he tried to reassure himself that he would not share the same fate as the man in his memories, but the strong, steady grip on the sword at his throat did nothing to help that.  
Finally, Phil stepped back, the sword leaving behind a chill that ran over Dan’s entire body as he watched it disappear into the sheath that hung from Phil’s side. “We’ll start with swords. If you can handle that, then we’ll move on to pistols and then hand to hand.”  
Dan nodded, annoyed that Phil was able to sound so commanding and sure of himself while he talked about even his plans for what he was going to teach. He sounded like he had just given an order to his crew to attack or maybe just yelled threats at someone who crossed him.   
“Although you have had some practice…” Phil smirked at Dan over his shoulder as he gestured to the swords on the wall, “You won’t be using these this time.”  
“I handled myself fine—” Dan started, remembering how he managed to hold his own against the pirate only a few weeks ago. Surely Phil remembered that?   
“I never said you didn’t.” The Captain replied smoothly, “But just to be safe, we’re going to be practicing with wooden sabers.” He raised a hand at Dan’s protesting. “Believe me. You’re going to forget that you can actually do damage with a sword in your hand and you’re going to accidentally cut your own head off. Let’s do our best to avoid that, shall we?” He smiled at the teenager and this time, there was a look of genuine amusement instead of the annoyed and confidant expression that seemed to be constantly on his features.  
Only seconds ago Dan had wondered how long it would take before he inevitably got on this man’s bad side and now he was back to thinking that the captain wouldn’t be able to hurt an ant.  
*****  
Over the next few hours, the only training that Dan received was an overly long lecture about proper stance in which all he did was stand with a sword while Phil instructed him and occasionally moved his arm or leg to fix his posture. Needless to say, by the end of the lesson, Dan was starting to regret agreeing to train with the Captain.  
*****  
Dan didn’t get much sleep that night, as his thoughts ran in circles, showing Dan the whole encounter over and over again. It had been hours since he had last heard talking from the other hammocks and he was quite certain that he was one of the only people awake on the ship. He wondered if the Captain was still awake.  
Over and over, he saw the bright blue of Phil’s eyes, the closeness of his lips, the sharp, quick, pounding of his heartbeat against Dan’s. His mind helpfully supplied images of Dan taking the final step forward and erasing whatever space that separated them and——  
He shook his head against the idea, realizing that he was shaking the hammock with how hard he shook his head, trying to ignore how his heartbeat sped up at the notion of what could have happened. He couldn’t get the image of Phil’s smile out of his head. The little, amused smile that was almost constantly on his face when Dan spoke to him. He thought of how he could go 0 to 100 in a second when the ship was in trouble. He thought of how patient the man was, despite Dan’s complaints almost every five minutes. He thought of the way his eyes lit up when he fought, the way his resting face had the ghost of a smile, the slight quirk of his lips when he overheard a joke from one of the crew.  
No, no, no, no, no. Phil isn’t someone to have a little crush on. Phil is scary, He reminded himself, Phil is the bad guy, Phil is not someone you should trust, Phil is…  
He sighed.  
Phil is really fucking cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowza look at all these feels :D Yay for Dan for finally (albeit hesitantly) admitting his feelings for Phil!!  
> I'll be honest, I thought this fic was going to be really short when I first started it. Apparently this is not the case as I can't seem to stop writing it ahhhhh!   
> But yeah, thanks for all the support!! You are all cute lil rays of sunshine!!   
> tumblr: phailingphantastically


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late!! Stuff happened. I got distracted. Here's another chapter!

After that day, training became awkward, to say the least. Whenever they came even remotely close to the other, Dan and Phil would both flinch away as if they had been burned. It was as if both were avoiding any sort of physical contact, even though when their hands touched, Dan’s face lit up in a blush.  
That single encounter had left the teenager breathless and he hated admitting to himself that it wasn’t terrible to have been in that close of proximity as Phil.   
Phil isn’t nice, He reminded himself, as he lay awake in his hammock. Phil is dangerous and powerful and you should not be feeling butterflies every time you walk into his room.   
But Phil makes you happy, Another part of his mind reasoned, Phil has made you laugh when you thought that you wouldn’t and he’s patient with teaching and his smile….  
Frowning, Dan shoved the thoughts from his mind. He remembered how nice it used to be back home where he never had to worry about these things. Sure, he would notice a cute boy and just maybe, his mind would be occupied with him for the rest of the day, but it was never like this. He had never needed to worry about having a crush on a pirate before for fucks sake.  
When he had stayed up too late at night after everyone’s talking had died down to snores, Dan sometimes liked to entertain the fantasy that maybe, just maybe, Phil liked him back. Even though the daydream was nothing more than that, a dream, it didn’t stop Dan from letting his mind wander to the fantasy. Sometimes, when they ended up particularly close while training, Dan could swear that he saw a faint dusting of pink on the captain’s cheeks, although he was completely positive that it was his imagination and his imagination only that was supplying these images.  
They had been practicing together for at least a week and Dan was sure that he had at least mastered enough to save his ass if he ever needed to. Surely, they should be able to move on to the next form of training by now, right? Sword fighting was great, but Dan’s main goal was to be able to handle a pistol and he knew that he wasn’t going to get his hands on one until after he had advanced in sword practice and later on, hand to hand fighting.   
Then, when he realized that the next challenge of his training would indeed be hand to hand, his complaints disappeared. Who knew what would happen if they were fighting each other one on one without a sword to somehow lower the intimacy that came along with fighting at such close quarters.  
*****  
“You ever been to the ports up north?”  
Dan shook his head.   
Smiling fondly at the memory, Phil leaned back on his chair, kicking his boots up to the table and lounging in a way that made Dan turn red. “Beautiful up north. It really is.” Phil tended to slip more into his accent when speaking about the north, his words sounding sharper and more precise as he wound out his sentences. “You should go sometime.”  
After Phil had claimed that Dan was done training for the day, he hadn’t said anything about Dan leaving the room and had immediately launched into a story about ‘one time, back home’, effectively making Dan forget that he was ever on his way out the door as he listened with rapture to Phil’s stories. The teenager had gingerly seated himself on the edge of the small couch that was shoved to the side of the room, his hands folded in his lap and his legs crossed uncomfortably as he watched Phil throw himself down at the chair beside his desk with an air of carelessness that Dan wished he possessed.   
Story after story drew Dan in like a hook, slowly chipping away at his apprehension and drawing him into a deeper fascination than he thought he had. There was something about how Phil told his stories that made Dan feel like he had actually been there too. He imagined himself fighting alongside the crew, working the sails during especially terrifying storms, exploring new ports that had not appeared on their map—At first he thought that he was imagining himself as the person that he had always hoped to be in his fantasies. But in his fantasies, he was just him now.   
Just Dan.  
No more brave, gallant hero that he had somehow conjured up.  
For some reason, it made him smile.  
Phil’s expressiveness and hand gestures alone could have told a story in itself, as the man never seemed to be able to stop moving. He would draw out maps in the air and somehow describe them as if they were as plain to see as anything. He was a wonderful storyteller, bringing Dan’s attention in until the teenager was at the edge of his seat, even if Phil was only describing some port down south. His stories felt like memories to Dan, memories that he hadn’t thought about in years and once Phil told them, it was as if Dan had suddenly remembered them again.  
The longer the two spent talking, the more comfortable Dan became and he slowly eased back on the couch, his shoulders relaxing and he let himself breathe easily. He smiled more, asked questions about Phil’s stories, and even offered a few of his own to tell.  
At first, Dan was apprehensive of telling Phil about his home, but after he started describing the Inn, he couldn’t seem to stop. Phil loved it, laughing about the drunk musical performances Dan had witnessed at a young age, smiling as Dan described how the sunsets in port were so different from the ones out at sea. Dan told Phil about how his parents had plans for him to become a blacksmith’s apprentice and Phil laughed at how Dan wrinkled his nose in disgust as he thought about it.   
After what felt like hours, Phil stood up and Dan tensed, surprisingly disappointed to realize that it was time for him to leave, but Phil only tossed a few things into the drawer of his desk and opened up a section of the back window. The cool ocean breeze filled the cabin, causing Dan to shiver for a moment before he got used to the sudden change in temperature and he smiled when the breeze brought with it the unmistakable smell of the ocean at night.   
Dan closed his eyes for a moment, letting himself just enjoy the sound of the quiet rush of the water below them and leaning back slightly into the couch. When nothing but silence greeted him, he cracked his eye open and was able to catch a quick glance at a curious looking Phil, still standing by the window with his eyes on Dan. Immediately, Phil looked away, so fast that Dan half thought that he had imagined it.   
“Do you ever miss living on land?” Dan didn’t like the quiet that had descended upon them, even if it was a comfortable one. “Like, not always feeling the ground move beneath your feet?”  
Phil smiled, “Not really, no. I never really had much time to live on land, to be honest. I’ve grown up with the sea beneath my feet.” He walked back to sit down, only this time, he walked past the chair and desk and instead made himself comfortable on the couch beside Dan. Not so close that they were even remotely close to touching, but not so far that they leaned forwards to talk to each other.  
This should be weird, Dan’s mind seemed to be having trouble catching up as he offered a weak smile back at Phil’s overly happy one. Why isn’t this weird?  
As he relaxed though, he realized that for the first time since he had met Phil, he was completely comfortable with him around. There was no trace of tension in his shoulders anymore, no mile a minute panic running through his mind, no fidgeting hands. He was content, with the sea breeze surrounding him and Phil’s smile only a foot away and the warm, unexpected feeling of happiness running through him.  
He wanted to capture the moment in a snapshot so that he didn’t ever forget it, and as he laughed along with Phil about God even knew what, he knew that he never would be able to erase that moment from his mind.  
*****  
It was hours later, when Dan couldn’t hide his yawns any longer, that Phil frowned and glanced at an old clock that stood on his desk.  
2:30 am.  
“Shit, I’m so sorry.” Dan’s eyes widened as he noticed the time, and his face turned a subtle shade of pink. “I didn’t realize…”  
Phil held up a hand, smiling and fighting off a yawn of his own. “Don’t apologize. It was my fault for not noticing the time. My only regret is that I’m going to have to be up early tomorrow and so are you.”   
The yawn got the better of him and Dan couldn’t help blushing a little more. Seeing Phil this late at night seemed wrong somehow, like this was a side of him that no one was allowed to see. People were only supposed to see the hardened, brave captain who led them all to victory, not this sleepy, smiling dork who had made Dan feel like the center of the universe for a few hours as they talked.  
Dan stood, realizing that he hadn’t brought a jacket, as he had assumed he would be gone by sundown but at least his hammock wasn’t that far away. As he and Phil walked to the door, both hesitating as Dan put his hand on the knob. Phil’s hands twitched at his sides as if he were about to maybe hug Dan, but in a second he was simply smiling as he opened the door by reaching a hand over Dan’s head. “Sorry I kept you up so late,” he apologized again, “Goodnight.”  
Dan smiled too, shoving down the slight twinge of disappointment that he had gotten when Phil didn’t initiate a hug or anything. “Goodnight, Phil.”  
As Dan closed the door behind himself, he let out a small breath as he glanced around the ship’s decks. Thank god the night watch was currently on the other side of the ship. If someone had seen him leaving Phil’s cabin so late….  
He chuckled to himself, imagining Chris and Peej’s reactions when they realized how late he and Phil had stayed up talking. As he started towards the hammocks below deck, though, he suddenly found himself grabbed from behind and being pulled backwards into the shadow of Phil’s cabin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOoOOOooooOOOOooo whadda ya think of that??? Let me know what you think in the comments :) Also, if I don't respond to your comments, I'M SORRY!! I swear I'm reading them all and they make me so happy, I just suck at managing my time to respond. You're all great!!  
> Alllssssooooo GUESS WHAT! WE adopted this tiny lil kitten and her name is Luna and she's about a week old!! She's So smol and we bottle feed her and she falls asleep everywhere she's the most precious thing ever. :D  
> tumblr: phailingphantastically   
> Come say hello!! I'll love you forever!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy sorry I left you all on a cliffhanger last week. Here we go, please don't kill me, I love you all! :P

Dan couldn’t tell who was behind him, but judging by the hands that held him captive, they were strong.

Panicking, he struggled against his assailant, fighting to get the makeshift gag away from his mouth so he could at least give a shout for help but the hand only tightened and Dan knew that there was no way to overpower this person. He screamed and yelled against his captor’s hand that gagged him, but almost no sound came out and Dan was starting to panic. This person was stronger than Dan was, and by far. There was no way in hell that he was getting away using strength alone and it took Dan longer than he would have liked for him to figure it out. 

He was being dragged backwards into the shadow between the side of the ship and Phi’s cabin, but Dan knew that the cabin walls were thick and that even if they weren’t, there was no way he would be able to make any sound with this person’s hand suffocating him.

Kicking and clawing at the assailant’s arm seemed to do nothing, but that didn’t stop Dan from trying. Tears ran down his face, but he didn’t stop fighting, his mind chanting over and over again, Get away, Get away.

“Settle down, princess, you’re going to get us caught.” 

Hearing the man’s voice (because that was definitely a man holding him) only made him struggle more, aiming kicks and punches as best he could while being held from behind.

Get away, get away, get away.

“You’re not going nowhere, princess, calm down.” The man grunted, his grip around Dan’s waist tightening and causing momentary petrification as the teenager imagined how easily this pirate could break him in half. “Calm…down.” He seemed to be having trouble holding Dan still. “We’re gonna have lots of fun together; you’re gonna love it.” He could practically hear the grotesque smile that was more than likely awaiting him if he managed to turn around.

Dan had definitely heard the man’s voice before, but his mind was in to much of a frenzy to work out who it was. He fought and kicked and screamed even though no sound escaped his lips until finally, he got his elbow jammed right between the man’s ribs and the grip around him loosened. Instantly, he aimed another punch at the man, managing to somehow knock him back half a step and without bothering to look back, Dan ran.

Get away, get away, get away——

He heard heavy breaths behind him but he didn’t stop, didn’t look back, didn’t even think, as he ran.

Dan found himself at Phil’s door and in his panic, didn’t even bother knocking. He threw the door open and ran inside, slamming it behind him and collapsing against it, breathless, stunned, and scared.

“What—Dan?” 

Looking up, Dan noticed a very concerned and confused looking Phil, making his way towards the scared teenager, still in his clothes from the day. “What happened? Are you alright?”

Shaking his head, Dan was up and into Phil’s arms, holding him tight and trying to erase the feeling of the other man’s hold around him. 

Phil’s arms went around him, tentatively at first but steadily growing more sure. It was such a relief to be held so gently. “Dan, talk to me. What happened?” Phil sounded genuinely worried, but Dan could barely make out a sentence.

“Someone….” He pulled in a breath, trying to even out his breathing pattern but it didn’t seem to help. “Someone grabbed…couldn’t see who….they….” A shudder ran through him as he remembered the scratchy voice and the strong arms. “I don’t know who.”

Suddenly Phil was gone, pulling away from the teenager and bolting from the room, the door standing wide open behind him. Dan shivered, stepping away from the door and never taking his eyes from it. His mind helpfully supplied images of someone else other than Phil coming back for him and as the back of his legs hit the edge of the couch, he jumped like he’d been shocked.

He stood frozen on the spot, his eyes fixed on the door and his arms wrapped around himself as if they could somehow protect him. Was Phil trying to find whoever it was who had attacked Dan? He was taking a rather long time in doing so. Maybe he wasn’t even coming back. Shaking his head, Dan pushed the thought away. Not only because it was illogical to think, but also because half of him didn’t want to think about having to be alone at the moment. If the man came back, would he be able to fight him off again? Or would he only panic?

Finally, footsteps sounded outside the cabin door. The lights in the room were too bright for Dan to be able to see past the door frame and he tensed, his shaking hands curled into fists, his arms still crossed over his stomach. He felt slightly sick with apprehension. It felt like years until Phil’s silhouette was visible and Dan let out a breath of relief, almost collapsing when his whole frame relaxed all of a sudden. 

The captain looked frustrated and genuinely angry and for the first time, Dan wondered if maybe going to Phil for safety hadn’t been the right decision. As the door slammed shut, Phil growled out a, “Couldn’t find them. The bastard.” Dan tried to take a step backwards but tripped over the edge of the couch, dropping down and watching Phil’s eyes turn towards him.

Maybe he’s mad at you. You did interrupt him just now and you kept him up until early morning and——

“Dan, are you okay?” Phi crossed the room and knelt down in front of the teenager, one hand resting on Dan’s knee and the other gently cupping Dan’s cheek, bringing his face up so that they were forced to meet each other’s eyes. Phil looked concerned and surprisingly sincere, and when Dan shook his head, he had only seemed to up the worry factor. 

Tears began to fall and he numbly thought back to the last time he cried in this very room and how Phil had held him and made him feel safe——

“Dan?”

The concern in the captain’s voice was what made Dan actually move and he dropped from the couch into Phil’s arms. Phil was safe.

“I…okay.” Phil knelt on the floor and held the teenager, an unsure hand running up and down his back as he attempted to calm him down. His other hand tangled in Dan’s hair, gently combing through the curls, and for a brief moment, Dan relaxed. He had forgotten how nice it felt to have someone play with his hair. After a few moments, Dan pulled back, his head down but Phil lifted his chin, his eyes searching. “Dan, are you hurt?”

Dan shook his head, wanting to make Phil understand without actually having to say anything. 

“You’re not hurt.” The relief was evident in the captain’s words. “That’s good. Are you okay?”

Dan didn’t like when Phil sounded worried. It was too opposite to how he usually was that it was making Dan nervous, so he began to nod. He was okay. Nothing had really happened. He had just gotten scared.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Phil didn’t seem to want to sound like he was pushing the question, but the urgency in his eyes betrayed him. “Dan?”

Again, Dan nodded, his throat closing up as he fought to keep as calm as he could. He told Phil everything and the more he spoke, the more angry Phil seemed to get. Not at Dan though, which provided a great relief to the teenager. There wasn’t much to tell, really. Dan didn’t know who had grabbed him, he didn’t know what the man was planning on doing. All he knew was that he never ever wanted to hear that voice again.

Princess.

Dan shivered as he remembered the rough voice and coarse hands that were everywhere and seemed to surround him.

As Dan finished talking, Phil moved up on to the couch next to him and gently pulled him closer, tucking Dan’s head beneath his chin and bringing them into a hug that Dan didn’t bother fighting. 

“You’re safe, I’ve got you.”

Dan had never thought that a pirate captain saying “I’ve got you” would be so reassuring.

 

Their hands found each other’s and Dan frowned when he felt Phil’s hand shaking. Surely he couldn’t be this shaken up about something this small? He pulled their entwined hands closer to himself, studying them until he realized that it was his hand that was shaking, not Phil’s. In fact, it seemed like his entire body was shaking and he found himself leaning more towards Phil, curling up against his side. Phil didn’t seem to mind though, his free hand rubbing soothing circles against Dan’s back. Dan half wished he would continue to run his hand through his painfully unruly curls, but Phil’s hand stayed on his back.

The captain was saying something, his voice low and comforting, but Dan didn’t bother listening. Instead, he finally allowed his arms to completely unwrap themselves from around his own waist and instead used them to pull Phil closer, still holding on to one of Phil’s hands with his own. 

He must have fallen asleep there for at least a little bit, because when he opened his eyes, the lamp nearest to the couch had been blown out and a blanket now covered his shoulders. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was nearing four in the morning, making him frown for a second. There wasn’t a clock below decks.

Gentle, sleepy arms around him pulled him closer and a steady heartbeat pounded against his own and Dan breathed a sigh of relief. Right. Phil.

The two were so close together, Dan was practically on top of Phil, curled up the captain’s chest with his head resting against Phil’s shoulder and his arms wrapped around his neck. Dan hadn’t had this comfortable of a sleeping position in months.

One of Phil’s hands found it’s way to Dan’s hair, slowly and sleepily combing through while simultaneously holding him against his side. Dan fought to keep his eyes open for a moment, before he realized that there was really no reason for him to be fighting sleep, especially when he had someone to sleep with.

Before he could bother remembering what had happened to cause this new sleeping position, Dan had laid his head down against Phil’s chest and found his hand to hold again, intertwining their fingers together. 

He was asleep in seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. That was a heck of a lot of cuddling. Let me know what you're thinking so far, I love hearing from all of you!! Or just let me know how you're doing. Or your dog. Or how your day was. I really like hearing from you!!  
> tumblr: phailingphantastically


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop sorry about last week! I was away at a summer camp and was unfortunately away from the internet for 6 days so I was unable to post a chapter :\ BUT HERE WE GO I'M BACK ON TRACK GET READY FOR THIS ANGSTY FLUFFY MESS OF A CHAPTER!

When Dan opened his eyes, all he felt for a moment was confusion. 

Why was he in Phil’s room?

He lay curled up on the couch, a blanket covering him and a strange feeling of emptiness at his left side. Sunlight glowed through the window, forcing Dan to squeeze his eyes shut and open them slowly so as not to blind himself. As he sat up with the blanket still held around his shoulders, everything from the night before hit him like a freight train.

Staying up late with Phil, leaving alone, the man grabbing him from behind——

And then suddenly his mind was filled with the memories of him holding Phil’s hand, and falling asleep on him, and how he was now painfully aware of the lack of someone sleeping by his side.

“No, no, no, no…” Standing up quickly, Dan almost lost his balance. “No, no, no, shit.”

Glancing around the room, his eyes landed on the clock that stood on Phil’s desk, it’s thin hands pointing out that it was eight am. Much later than Dan had woken up in months.

“Shit.”

The sunlight filtered through the window, lighting up the cabin and Dan’s sorry figure, still wrapped in a blanket that wasn’t his. This wasn’t supposed to happen. In the light of a new day, everything that had happened the night before seemed so different. Yes, it was terrifying that he had been attacked, but now that he had time to think about it, Dan couldn’t help thinking that perhaps he had overreacted slightly. Phil must have thought he was crazy, barging into the room all panicked and scared and the fact that Dan had fallen asleep on him….

Groaning, Dan raised the corner of his makeshift blanket cape to cover the obvious blush in his cheeks as he thought about the night before. He had fallen asleep holding Phil’s hand, for fucks sake.

“Dan?”

Whirling around, the teenager still held the blanket around himself, his eyes wide as he noticed Phil entering the room. 

The man looked as if he had been up for hours. He probably had, Dan realized, He probably woke up right on time, regardless that he had stayed up until three am calming me down.

Phil smiled, but his eyes sported dark circles underneath them and he looked tired. He looked apprehensive, his weight shifting from foot to foot and Dan realized that Phil was just as nervous as he was. “You’re awake then.”

Dan nodded, his eyes downcast. What do you say to someone who you accidentally spent the night with? Nothing had even happened; The two of them had shared a sleeping space in the most innocent way possible and yet Dan still fought to hide a blush that threatened to take over his entire face. Oh god, he had made a complete fool of himself. At that moment, Dan wanted nothing more than for the floor to open and swallow him whole. Anywhere was better than having to force his way through a conversation with Phil.

Neither spoke for almost a minute and Dan didn’t look up to check if Phil was watching him or not. 

“I should probably…” Dan started the sentence strong, but by the third word, his confidence had fizzled out and he trailed off, wondering what exactly he should ‘probably’ do. 

“I mean, if you’d like you could stay—” Phil sounded as nervous as Dan felt and it was a new side of the captain that the teenager had yet to see. “Until, we, you know, find out who…”

Right. Find out who had tried to do god only knew what to Dan last night.

Phil seemed to gain a little confidence. “I’m not letting him get away with this, whoever it is. I’m going to find out who it was and——”

Dan tuned Phil out, not wanting to know exactly what Phil was planning on doing once he caught whoever was responsible. Maybe he should just stay in the cabin. Maybe they would figure out who it was within a day and he could go back to life as normal. 

Then he shook his head. What kind of person would he be if he stayed hiding the whole time? “I’m not going to hide.”

“Dan, you could have been seriously hurt.” Phil sounded vaguely annoyed. “Do you really want to risk it again?”

Shrugging, Dan replied, “I won’t go on deck after dark. I’ll make sure I’m always with Chris or Peej if I need to go somewhere and I sleep surrounded by most of the crew.” He offered Phil a ghost of a smile. “It would be practically impossible to get me alone. I’ll be fine.” 

Phil was obviously unsure about the decision, but as it wasn’t his to make, he nodded. “Right. We’ll continue our training today, unless you’d prefer to skip?”

Dan shook his head, “No.” He didn’t want to make the whole situation any more than it already was. “Normal day.”

Dan was a lot more nervous than he let on. To be completely honest, he did want to keep hiding. He wanted to stay holed up in Phil’s cabin until he felt safe to go out after dark again but he knew that it was illogical. One could only hide for so long when trapped in the middle of the sea among a numbered crew. He shivered when he thought about how he must have exchanged at least some conversation at some point before with the man without even knowing it.

*****

‘Normal’ was definitely not how Dan would describe how the rest of his day went. 

From the moment he saw Chris and PJ after spending the night in Phil’s room, the two of them refused to leave his side. Chris was convinced that Dan had gotten laid, while Peej on the other hand, saw straight through Dan’s lies when the teenager told the two that he and Phil had simply lost track of the time and had spent most of the night talking.

“You couldn’t have been talking all night, though.” Peej reasoned, “Phil would never lose track of time like that.” Dan suspected he knew something about what had happened that night.

“He would if he was occupied with someone else, if you know what I mean.” Chris muttered, winking and watching gleefully as Dan turned a lovely shade of red. “I mean, in that position, anyone would have a hard time keeping an eye on the clock. I don’t blame him.”

“Chris, Dan and Phil didn’t sleep together last night.” Peej sighed, sounding annoyed, but apparently Dan was the only one to pick up on it, as Chris didn’t seem to care.

Dan’s eyes stayed on the floor.

“Right, Dan?” PJ said imploringly, and Dan nodded hurriedly.

“Right.”

Chris raised an eyebrow, “But if you did, you’d tell us, right?”

“Why on earth would he tell us?” Peej threw his hands up in frustration, “Why on earth would you want him to tell us?”

Shrugging, Chris chewed on his thumb, “I dunno. I worry about him.” He spoke as if Dan were a toddler learning how to walk. “He’s like a pathetic little kitten that got stuck in a tree; the kid is basically helpless without us.”

“I’m right here, you know.” Dan spoke up, but neither Chris nor PJ seemed to hear him.

“Right, like Phil would ever do anything to hurt him,” Peej jerked a thumb in Dan’s direction, “You’ve seen the way he looks at him. Phil would sooner give up the ship than put the kid in danger.”

Blushing furiously, Dan ducked his head to hide the smile that was stuck on his face. He didn’t want to admit that the comment had made a storm of butterflies erupt in his stomach.

As Chris and PJ continued to bicker, Dan slipped away from the two, making sure that he was completely visible as he climbed up the rigging to escape their arguing. The rigging was safe. There was no way that anyone could get him alone up here and even if they could, he would be able to be seen by anyone on deck.

Tangling his arms in the thick, weathered ropes, Dan let himself hang for a moment, looking down over the ship’s deck and at the surrounding ocean. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back against the ropes, letting the smell of the crashing waves against the hull of the ship surround him.

It had been almost half a year since he had last seen his home and his parents. Almost half a year since he had sturdy, unmoving ground beneath his feet. Almost half a year since he had worried that he would never go on an adventure.

He almost laughed out loud at that thought. If someone had gone up to Dan half a year ago and told him that he was going to begin the most terrifying and amazing six months of his life in only a few days, he would have thought they were crazy. He would have never believed that he would have his own hammock on a pirate ship, had somehow managed to keep his ass from being skewered in a battle,or had taken to actually enjoying life on the ship. It sounded crazy.

Not to mention the fact that he had somehow developed a crush on the pirate captain himself.

Remembering his predicament, Dan opened his eyes, scanning the decks below to see if there was any sign of the captain. He was slightly nervous about their upcoming training session. Would Phil bring up what happened? Should Dan? Maybe they could both just go on living life as normal and never mention it again. Maybe Dan’s assailant would fess up and they could lock him up, and it could all be kept on the down low so that the entire crew didn’t need to hear about it. 

He’s still out there, His mind supplied, helpfully, He could have been anyone.

Glancing down nervously, Dan’s eyes followed a few members of the crew doing their daily chores. Chris had disappeared, leaving Peej leaning against the rail and carving something with the blade of his knife. Occasionally, his eyes would flick up to Dan, checking to make sure that the teenager was still there. Dan wondered if Peej had heard what had happened. It seemed like he did.

A few other members of the crew milled about, talking, joking around with each other. It was hard to believe that one of them might have been the one to grab Dan the night before. 

What if it wasn’t only one person behind it? Dan shivered as he tried to push away the thought. He could barely handle the idea of one person out there who was after him, let alone multiple.

Shit, now he was even more nervous.

His hands tightened around the ropes, holding himself more securely among the nets and tilted his head back, breathing deep and trying to calm down. It could have been the man he had sat next to during breakfast two days ago. It could have been his night watch partner last month. It could have been the man two hammocks down who sometimes talked in his sleep. It could—

“Dan!”

Jerking his eyes open, Dan looked down at the deck to see Peej waving to him, gesturing for him to come down. Nodding in acknowledgment, Dan began his climb back down to the deck. It was a difficult climb, but Dan had gotten quite used to it over the past few months.

“Phil said he wanted to start training early today.” Peej was saying, “Something about getting back before the sunset?”

Nodding, Dan pretended that he didn’t know why Phil would say something like that. “Right. Okay.” For some reason, he couldn’t bear to have Peej or Chris or anyone knowing about what happened.

*****

“Listen, I know you don’t want to talk about what happened, but I can’t teach you anything if you’re being this difficult.”

No matter how hard Phil tried to get through to Dan that he needed to learn self defense ‘just in case’, Dan refused to cooperate, his mouth set in a grim line and his face a subtle shade of pink.

“I’m not being difficult. This is stupid.”

Sighing, Phil dropped his face in his hands. “Look. I’m not asking you to do anything huge. I get that it was horrible to experience and that you’re uncomfortable with talking about what happened and that’s fine. This is how I expected you’d react. But it happened once and you never know if it’ll happen again. I’m only saying—”

“You’re only saying that what I’ve learned isn’t good enough and that you’re going to be the one to teach me how to defend myself and——”

“Yes! What’s wrong with that?!” Phil sounded so genuinely frustrated that Dan almost considered backing down. Almost.

“It’s demeaning! I can defend myself perfectly fine!” Dan knew that it wasn’t true, but he wasn’t in the mood for arguments. Especially when the argument was over something like this. He just wanted everything to be back to normal.

Phil had demanded that they put sword fighting on hold and begin hand to hand training instead. It had started out fine, with Dan learning how to dodge and sometimes even block a few blows, but once Phil had brought up the night before, it had all gone downhill from there.

It was embarrassing what had happened, and Dan didn’t want to talk about to anyone, much less to Phil. Once Phil had started saying, “You don’t have to be embarrassed” and “You can talk to me if you’d like”, Dan had started to build up his walls. Maybe Phil was only trying to help, but he was doing a pretty shit job at making Dan feel any better. He hated this patient, ‘I know best’ version of Phil and he hated that he had been the one to bring it on. 

“Dan, you know that’s not true. If you were able to defend yourself ‘perfectly fine’, then whatever happened last night wouldn’t have happened at all.” Phil had a certain talent for always sounding reasonable. It got on Dan’s nerves.

“I don’t see why you’re so worried about this! I can handle myself fine!”

“Dan, I’m worried about this because I’m scared it’s going to happen again!”

“Why does it matter to you?!” Dan shot back, upset to the point where he didn’t even care what he said, “Why should you care—”

“Because I don’t want to see you hurt like that again!” Phil burst out, and Dan flinched, his frown turning more concerned and confused than petulant. “You were scared Dan, you were terrified! And I couldn’t do anything to help! I just…” He trailed off, his shoulders slumping in defeat as he dropped his head in his hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.”

Dan said nothing, his eyes wide. Phil had sounded so angry when he had remembered how scared Dan had been. The teenager hadn’t thought it had affected the captain all that much, but apparently he was dead wrong. 

Slowly, quietly, Dan made his way to where Phil had dropped on to the couch and sat himself gingerly down beside the captain. 

Phil kept his eyes on the floor, his chin resting in his hands, and Dan watched him. 

“I just want you to be able to defend yourself,” Phil said softly, “ in case, you know, something like this ever happens again…”

“Which it won’t.”

“Which it won’t because we’ll catch whoever it was.” Dan couldn’t tell if Phil was trying to reassure himself or Dan. “I’d just feel better if…” He didn’t finish.

The two sat quietly, side by side without speaking. Phil watched the floor and Dan watched Phil, taking the opportunity to openly observe the man without having to worry about being noticed. Phil was the kind of person that you could look at all day and never get tired of watching. His eyes alone were fascinating; A mix between blue and green and gray—the exact color of the ocean, Dan realized. His sharp cheekbones stood out among his features and his gentle lips curved downward into a small frown, which Dan knew he was responsible for putting there. His surprisingly soft looking hair was pointing slightly at the ceiling from where Phil had run his hands through it and Dan found himself wanted to reach out a hand to fix it.

Phil sighed, turning towards Dan and the teenager blushed, jerking his gaze away to hide the fact that he was openly staring. “I’d just feel better if I knew you could defend yourself properly in case anything were to happen.”

Dan nodded, looking up to meet Phil’s gaze, but either he or Phil must have moved closer, because there was no way that there had been this little space between them before. “Okay.” His voice came out in a whisper, but even that seemed to be too loud. His eyes widened as their gazes met and he felt something pulling them closer together, eliminating the space between them. His eyes subconsciously flickered down to Phil’s lips, stunned to find them so close to his own.

His mind raced at a mile a minute, watching in fascination as they leaned towards each other, Phil’s eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks and Dan fought to keep his own eyes open. 

This is happening, this is happening, this is happening, oh god, what do I do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ......So what'd you think? Good? Horrible? Are you sharpening your pickaxes because I left ya'll on another cliffhanger? Let me know!! :)   
>  tumblr: phailingphantastically
> 
> OKay okay okay I need to talk to someone about that picture that phil tweeted today OMG it's like it's 2009 again!! SO cute and cuddly and domestic and AH! I'm not okay.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops i'm a day late  
> Sorry for that cliffhanger last week, but all shall be resolved now :) Thank you all SO much for all the positive feedback, not only for this last chapter, but for this entire fic so far!! Ya'll are the best and you keep me smiling :) Enjoy!!

Dan lay awake in his hammock, his eyes glued to the wood above him and his thoughts running circles in his head. 

He couldn’t remember when the last person had gone to sleep, the few straggling words fading out what seemed like hours ago. For all Dan cared, it could have been days ago. His mind was trapped in an endless cycle of replaying the last few minutes in Phil’s cabin, over and over again, analyzing every detail.

They hadn’t kissed.

But they had gotten pretty damn close.

Dan groaned as quietly as he could, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes and cringing at the memory.

They had been so close to each other, literally moments away from touching, but Phil had pulled away. Or more accurately, had turned his head so that Dan’s lips had ghosted embarrassingly across Phil’s cheek, instead. There had been a silence after that, one that Dan would have rather be tossed overboard than have to endure it again. Neither knew what to say and both sat still, waiting for the other to speak.

Dan had known that he was red down to his toes, and even Phil was sporting a prominent shade of pink among his features as the two avoided eye contact for as long as possible.

“I should go.” Dan had been the one to break the silence, and Phil only nodded, his eyes still downcast. “I’ll um, see you…” He didn’t add on the usual ‘tomorrow for training’, because now he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to face Phil again after this. He’d left it at that, leaving the room and Phil behind as he rushed back to his hammock. He had avoided all conversation with Chris or PJ and had instead, curled up in his hammock, doing his best to pretend that he didn’t exist. 

Now, hours later, he was almost completely sure that he was the only one still awake. His eyes stayed open and glued to the ceiling as he thought about the almost kiss for hours.

It wasn’t the greatest thing to be thinking about right before bed, but it beat thinking about the alternative. Less than 24 hours earlier had been the attack and Dan would be lying if he said that he wasn’t still freaked out about it. As he listened to the people around him sleep, he couldn’t get the thought out of his head that one of them had been the one to grab him the night before. He hated thinking about it, but he couldn’t help it. 

There was no happy medium between the two thoughts and he instead went through the night switching back and forth between them, unsure which was worse to think about at night.

Needless to say, he didn’t get any sleep that night.

*****

When Dan arrived at Phil’s cabin the next evening, he didn’t argue when Phil didn’t bring out the training sabers and instead proposed that they begin hand to hand combat. Dan decided that their lesson the day before didn’t count, as they had barely started before he had started arguing, and he dubbed this one their ‘first lesson’. 

He found it hard to look Phil in the eyes and Phil seemed to be having the same problem, as most of their conversations during the day were aimed at the floor or out the window. After all, who’d want to face the man he’d almost kissed the night before? Who’d even want to admit that it had happened?

Dan began to realize that they were beginning hand to hand training at the most inopportune moment, what with their already built up tension only heightened by the past few nights. Had it only been a few nights? It felt like years since he and Phil had stayed up together, unwinding their stories to each other in the safe veil of night.

Phil didn’t bring up the night before and neither did Dan, both happy to pretend that it never happened. Phil was a good teacher, Dan found out, and he felt guilty for putting on such a show of being reluctant to learn. The Captain was patient and continued to keep that gentle smile on his face, even when Dan got in an actual blow and created a large, bluish bruise on Phil’s forearm.

The next few days progressed similarly, with Dan showing up early and Phil making sure to end the session before the sun went down. Dan’s skills grew and after a few weeks, he was able to hold his own against Phil. Not attack yet, but he could definitely defend himself for a decent amount of time, which he proudly counted as a win.

Each day brought them closer and closer together, physically as well as metaphorically. Dan would find himself trapped in extremely close quarters with Phil, and even as they fought, he found himself unconsciously glancing down at Phil’s mouth, his bottom lip caught between his teeth in concentration. This would inevitably lead him to lose against the captain and earn himself another brief lesson on how important it was to never get distracted. Dan didn’t mind these lessons all that much.

Although the rational part of his mind told him that he was being ridiculous, sometimes he would swear that he saw Phil getting just as distracted as Dan was. Sure, Phil always blamed it on something else, but Dan liked to think that he wasn’t imagining the blush on Phil’s cheeks after they had gotten particularly close during a fight. He liked to think that the lingering touches meant the world and that Phil’s eyes sparkled just for him. 

Maybe it really was just his imagination that Phil’s eyes followed him around the room. Maybe he was only fooling himself into thinking that Phil smiled a little brighter when Dan made a joke and maybe he was only hoping that that same smile faded a tiny bit when he saw that it was time for Dan to head back.

It took a considerably long time to convince himself that it meant nothing when Phil started walking Dan back from his cabin in the evening and tousling his hair a little bit when they said their good nights before Dan climbed back up to his hammock. 

As the days went on, the lingering touches became more and more intentional and the smiles shared between Dan and Phil grew. When caught watching each other, they would blush, smile, and look away, no longer pretending that it didn’t happen.

Each night, they would spend a few hours training, while no doubt being distracted by each other and manage to remember to part ways before the sun went down. Phil would walk with Dan, both still in deep conversation, all the way to where they would separate right before Dan went below decks to sleep. After a few weeks of this, Phil proposed that as long as they were walking together, why not extend the training sessions a little later.

“For your educational purposes, entirely.” He would say, and Dan would nod along, his face as serious as he could manage.

Before long, two months had gone by and Dan was finding it harder and harder not to just lean over and kiss that smile off of Phil’s face. 

It wasn’t fair for someone to hold so much power over your heart, especially if you are unsure if they are even aware of it.

“I swear, the kid’s gone mad.” Chris complained to Peej once, after Dan had spent a good hour pretending to be asleep. Both Chris and PJ had hammocks nearby Dan’s, and with Chris’s stage whisper, he was able to hear every single word. “Half a year ago he was literally jumping ship to get away from here and now he’s all chummy chummy with the Captain?”

Peej mumbled something that Dan couldn’t hear, but he derived as much as he could from Chris’s response.

“Yeah, but I thought we were the ones that made him feel safe. What’s wrong with us?” Chris sounded so indignant that for a moment, Dan felt a pang of regret for neglecting to spend very much time with the two of them. 

Did Phil make him feel safe? More than Chris and Peej did?

Phil did have a way of calming down Dan’s racing thoughts in only a few words and the touch of his hand against Dan’s was no doubt, extremely reassuring. But safe?

“It’s been almost a year.” He heard Chris mutter, his voice dropping so that Dan had to strain his ears to hear, “If he’s not trying to get home now, I’m not sure he ever will.”

Peej said something that Dan couldn’t make out and there was the light sound of Chris leaning over his hammock to sock his friend. “Of course I don’t want him to leave. I’m just worried, you know? What if his family comes looking for him?”

There was a pause.

“I guess so. Poor kid’s been on one hell of an adventure.”

*****

“Pistols?” Dan could barely hide his excitement as Phil told him that their days of hand to hand were over. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to shoot one of these.”

Phil smiled wryly, holding the weapon above Dan’s head. “We’re not training with these yet. I wouldn’t put it past you to accidentally shoot yourself in the knee.”

Rolling his eyes, Dan did his best to hide a smile. Since when did simple sentences like that give Dan butterflies?

“Stance is first.” Phil launched into a speech about proper stance when firing, how to take the kickback from the weapon and how a sturdy foothold can make all the difference in a stand off. 

Dan listened intently as Phil rambled on, not even minding now that he would probably not even hold a gun for at least a few weeks. 

A few hours before Dan headed back, Phil actually had him stand, adjusting Dan’s limbs to the proper stance, and the teenager tried not to notice how abnormally close the two were standing. He held his breath as Phil moved, doing his best not to move a muscle once Phil had arraigned him. Who knew pistols would be what eliminated the space between them? 

Phil walked Dan back as per usual that night, but didn’t only stop at ruffling Dan’s mess of curls. This time, he wrapped an arm around the boy’s shoulders, pulling him close to his side for a moment and smiling a quick goodnight, Phil disappeared.

Dan was stunned.

It took him a few moments to remember that there was a reason why Phil walked him back to the sailor’s quarters every night, and he hurriedly entered the room, a ridiculous smile on his face.

“——I said to him, who’re you to—oh.” PJ’s eyebrows raised slightly in surprise as he ran into Dan, Chris towed along by his side. “Dan, you alright?”

The teenager nodded, sure that it would be impossible to hide his smile from his friends but he gave it a valiant try anyways.

Chris gasped softly. “Oh my god you and Phil——”

“Chris!”

Dan shook his head violently, his eyes wide, “No, no nothing happened!”

“Exactly what one would say if you really did——” His words were cut off by a vicious elbow ramming into his ribs, courtesy of Peej. “Rude.”

“You seem rather cheerful.” PJ said, his eyes twinkling and Dan began to suspect that Peej knew a great deal more about everything than he was letting on. “What’s going on with you?”

Dan shrugged, “Good mood I guess.” Shouldering his way past his two friends, Dan made his way to his hammock. As he lay down, his face hidden from the people around him, he covered his mouth with both hands, knowing very well that his smile would be obvious, regardless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed some happy smiley Dan for once. This fic has been an emotional wreck so far, so kudos to all of you who continue to read it. As always, I LOVE LOVE LOVE hearing all your comments! It doesn't even have to be about the fic if you don't want. Just tell me about your day or your dog or your crush or whatever :D  
> tumblr: phailingphantastically


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst. ANGST.
> 
> I'm sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyyy thank you all so much for the happy nice comments, ya'll made me all smiley!! :D Welp. Sorry to be that guy, but this chapter is an angsty mess i'm sorry it's sad and painful and yikes please don't hate me :P Enjoy! Oh yeah, and this is Phil's POV in this chapter. Srry i'm bad at remembering to put a heads up before chapters. :)

“I’m definitely going to show this off to my dad when I get home.”

Phil internally flinched at Dan’s words, offering a painful smile to the teenager as Dan showed off his newly acquired skill with the pistol. It wasn’t loaded of course. Phil didn’t want to have to deal with any injuries, lest Dan accidentally shoot his own knee.

“He always said that he’d teach me, but he never really had the time,” Dan continued, oblivious to Phil’s discomfort at his excitement. “I wonder if he even knew how. Mum never let me touch guns like these.” He changed his stance, aiming the barrel out the back window, “She said they were dangerous.”

Phil smiled wryly, “Well, I can’t say I disagree with her.”

Rolling his eyes, Dan dropped the gun to his side. “She’s gonna see how wrong she was about me.” He grinned, “I’ll have so many stories to tell when I get back home, and I won’t hold them all in like dad does.”

“Oh?” Although uncomfortable, Phil raised an eyebrow at Dan, imploring his friend to continue.

“Dad never tells about anything from when he was on a ship. Says he’ll tell me when I’m older, but hell, I am older. Sometimes I wonder if he still thinks I’m twelve. I’m practically an adult.” 

“How old are you, Dan?” Phil asked, mostly for Dan’s benefit. 

“Eighteen.” Dan answered, “Nineteen in June.”

Phil nodded. “Dan, it’s August.”

Dan frowned. Then he lifted his chin defiantly and said, “Then why was I always treated like a kid? I swear, they’re not even going to recognize me back home.” He smiled at the thought and Phil fiddled with the edge of his shirt.

“I’m going to tell them all about everything. I can show them how I learned how to fight and properly use a pistol and——”

He continued to go on about how great it would be when he got home and inside, Phil was a mess.

None of this was supposed to happen, He reminded himself, He was supposed to be gone in a few weeks and yet here we are, a year later.

“I could show them that I can handle myself and that I was able to fight alongside all of you——”

I should have never kept him on board. I should have passed him off at the nearest port. I should have avoided that fateful port altogether.

“I won’t be working at that Inn anymore, that’s for su—”

“Dan.”

Dan looked up, a smile evident on his face still, although it faded when he saw the somber expression that Phil wore across his features. “What?”

“You’re not…” Phil sighed, rubbing a hand across his forehead. He wished he never had to say the words. “Dan, you’re not going home. You can’t.”

“What do you mean?” His smile faded more.

“I mean you can’t go back home. You’ve seen too much, you know too much.” Phil didn’t look up to see how crushed Dan looked and frankly, he was glad that he didn’t. He wasn’t sure he could handle any more guilt. “If you went back home, you could tell everyone about us. You’ve seen out maps long enough to memorize them. You know our battle plans, you know our strengths, you know our weaknesses. If you told anyone that information, we’d all be done for.”

“Yeah, but…” Dan was at a loss for words, “I wouldn’t.”

Shaking his head, Phil looked up and immediately regretted it. Dan didn’t look crushed. He looked utterly shattered. His eyes were wide and wet with the beginnings of tears that he was holding back surprisingly well, and his lips were parted in a small ‘o’ of surprise. The pistol hung from his fingers, forgotten along with any daydreams he had entertained only a few minutes before.

“Dan, I’m sorry——”

“You know I wouldn’t!” Dan stressed, “I would never give you away!”

“I don’t know that!” Phil said sharply, “And I’m not willing to risk it. You’re not going back.”

The pistol dropped to the floor. Straightening his shoulders gave Dan a small advantage in height, but only so that he and Phil were eye to eye. 

Hurt, and terror, and worry, and overwhelming grief swirled in his eyes, each one just as obvious as the last and Phil did his best not to look away.

“I’ve been through a lot of shit Phil,” He growled, and Phil figured he could actually be intimidating someday, with enough practice. “I’ve done everything anyone has ever asked of me. I’ve been willing to help out, willing to fight, and now you’re saying that I can’t ever go back home?” His voice cracked a the last word, but didn’t break. 

“There’s too much at risk,” Phil tried to reason, although he knew it would do no good, “It’s not——”

“I didn’t ask for this!” Dan yelled, stepping close to Phil until they were mere inches away from each other, “I never wanted to be kidnapped by fucking pirates, I never asked to be taken away from home and held as a hostage!” They were right in each other’s faces, neither backing down.

Phil wanted more than anything to just stop. He hated Dan yelling at him, and he hated yelling back. Why did he have to open his mouth?

“I trusted you, Phil!” Dan yelled, and Phil frowned. “I fucking trusted you more than I did anyone before and I can’t believe that you’re saying that you’re never letting me leave! I didn’t ask for this!” He said again, “I want to go home, why can’t I go home, I didn’t ask for this!”

“I didn’t ask for this life either!” Phil burst out, and Dan flinched back, stepping slightly away, but not so far that he gave up his stance. “I never wanted any of this to happen but life doesn’t give you a choice! You think you can decide what happens to you? You think you’re the one who makes the plans?” 

Dan stayed silent.

“You don’t get to choose, Dan, you don’t get to decide where your life will take you!” Phil was genuinely upset, his eyes glowing with ferocity and his shoulders tense. “You’re trapped with no way out and you just have to learn to live with it! It’s unfair, but nothing is fair really, so get over it! I won’t bring you back and I never will, and as long as I’m alive, you’re never leaving this ship!” His fist came down on the table top, upsetting a few trinkets that stood balanced on the map and the piles of letters. The entire cabin seemed to freeze in time and suddenly Phil felt as if something inside of him had snapped. 

What was he doing?

Looking up at the teenager, he felt as if he were looking at Dan for the very first time. Phil’s eyes went wide as he saw his younger friend with his arms crossed over his chest, his head ducked down and his feet backing up away from the man, distrust obvious in his eyes.

Oh no.

What was Phil thinking?

Dan didn’t look scared, per se, but he looked distrusting, apprehensive, disbelieving maybe, as if he couldn’t believe that Phil would snap like that. Phil didn’t want to believe it either. He hated the way that Dan was looking at him, worry apparent in his eyes. He hated that he had put it there.

“Phil?”

The captain hadn’t heard Dan speak in such a quiet, hesitant voice since the first few days that they had met and it was something that he had never wanted to hear again.

Phil didn’t answer for a second, terrified that he had broken whatever connection they had built up together with only a few words. He had yelled at Dan. Something that he had promised himself he wouldn’t ever do.

“Phil?” Again, Dan spoke and this time there was a little more of Dan’s usual voice, now paired with concern. “I’m sorry?”

Shaking his head, Phil wished that he could reassure Dan without having to talk. He was worried that his own voice would scare his friend away, maybe never to talk to him again. “Don’t apologize.” He swallowed thickly, trying to get the right words out, “You have nothing to say sorry for. I should never have yelled at you.” He hated the fact that Dan had tried to apologize in order to pacify Phil’s momentary fit of anger. He hated that he had scared Dan to provoke this reaction.

Dan nodded slowly, his eyes flickering up and down Phil, obviously trying to figure out what had caused the scene. “What...what happened?”

Shaking his head again, Phil dropped into his chair, feeling his heart ache when he saw the way that the sudden movement had made Dan flinch. He dropped his head down into his hands, trying to regulate his breathing. “Nothing. I’m sorry.”

Phil was met with silence. What had he done? He not only felt for sure that the easy conversations and smiles that they had built up over the past few months were suddenly shattered, but he had scared Dan by yelling at him and forbidding him to ever go home. 

He was on the verge of tears when he felt a gentle hand rest against his arm. Phil jumped from surprise and he felt Dan’s hand flinch, but he didn’t move it, instead gently rubbing his thumb against Phil’s arm. Slowly, he brought his free hand up and rested it softly over Dan’s hand, holding it there for reassurance.

“Are you okay?”

Phil nodded. “I’m so sorry.”

“Okay.”

The two stayed still for a moment, before Dan’s fingers threaded through Phil’s and slowly led him to stand. Phil kept his eyes downcast as he allowed himself to be led towards the couch where they had stayed the night together before. Dan and Phil sat, their hands still held between them.

Glancing up every once in awhile, Phil took in Dan’s appearance while Dan kept his eyes on where their hands were locked together. His dark chocolate eyes were gentle, worried, and scared, somehow reassuring in how familiar they were and the small curve of his lips were turned down in a frown. The rest of his face was carefully blank, not letting Phil in to see what he was thinking.

 

“Are you really going to keep me here forever?” Dan finally whispered, and Phil felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.

“No,” He whispered back, his voice already shaky from holding in tears, “I don’t know, I’m so sorry, I don’t know.” 

Dan’s thumb rubbed gently over Phil’s hand, back and forth, back and forth. It matched their heartbeats.

They were scared. Both of them. Neither knew what to say or what to do and frankly, when you don’t know what to do, it is rather terrifying.

The silence of the evening air washed over them, the faint orange light at the horizon filtering in through the windows as the sun lit the sky on fire, like the grand finale of yet another day. Water splashed below the window, rhythmic waves acting as something to match their breathing to.

Dan and Phil sat, hand in hand, until Phil finally found the courage to speak.

“I’m sorry.” The words sounded to insincere and false, even though Phil meant them with his entire being. “I’m sorry, Dan.”

Dan nodded, but he didn’t answer, instead gently squeezing Phil’s hand in his to show that he had heard his apology.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you. I didn’t mean to say any of that…”

“But is it true?” Dan murmured, “That you’re never going to let me leave?”

Phil swallowed. “I don’t know.”

“You bloody well should know,” Dan said, matter of factly, “It is up to you, isn’t it? Whether I stay or go?”

Phil shrugged and nodded. 

“Then let me go.”

Again, Phil nodded, then shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Well, why the hell not?” Dan sat up indignantly, his hand letting go of Phil’s, but his fingers still rested on the captain’s hand. “It’s really not that hard. You know I would never tell anyone about you and the ship. Just let me go and everything will go back to normal.”

Phil remembered normal. He hadn’t liked it much. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Dan huffed, slumping down beside Phil again, his fingers tapping impatiently against Phil’s hand. “You can’t just answer everything with ‘I don’t know’, Phil. It’s not fair.”

The two watched the forgotten pistol that lay on the rug in the center of Phil’s room.

 

Phil wished he had stuck to training Dan with swords. Maybe then they would have never had to deal with this whole mess. He knew he was only hoping though, as there was no way that they could possibly avoid having the conversation, no matter what form of weapon he had chosen to train Dan with.

“Do you miss your home?” Dan asked softly. His fingers had stopped their incessant tapping and instead had taken to exploring Phil’s hand with both of his own, threading their fingers together and tracing the lines on the palm of Phil’s hand. “Do you remember your home?”

“The ship is my home.” Phil managed, trying not to lose his breath as he felt Dan turn his hand over to examine it more closely. “It’s all I’ve ever known.” It was a lie, of course. He remembered his home back on land, even though he had only spent a few years of his life there. 

Dan shook his head, “Sometimes you talk as if you’re running from something. Somewhere. Are you running away from home?”

“The ship is my home. I don’t remember living on land any more than I would living on the moon.”

“You do remember, don’t you? Does thinking about home hurt?” Sometimes, Phil forgot how observant and smart Dan really was. 

Phil paused, then nodded.

“Will you tell me?” Dan implored, “Tell me about your home, I want to be able to imagine it.” He leaned back on the couch, bringing his feet up as well and locking one arm around his legs. Phil considered saying no.

“Alright.” Although Dan was probably only asking to hear about Phil’s own home to guilt him into letting him go free, Phil wanted Dan to know. Maybe he would understand him more.

Phil leaned back as well, his hand staying so that Dan could still hold it and as he crossed his legs, he settled in. “It’s a long story.” He warned, and was rewarded by a small, albeit nervous, smile.

“I have all night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowza. Dan needs a hug. So does Phil. So do I. Let me know what you thought!! I love hearing from you!!!  
> tumblr: phailingphantastically


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii!!! Thanks for all the lovely comments on the last chapter you're all so nice :) Here's another one for ya! This chapter is in Dan's POV (i really need to start to say that before each chapter it's getting confusing)

The waves crashed as Phil told his story.

“Years ago, my mother had lived on a small farm with her family, destined to be trapped in a marriage that she didn’t want, most likely to some bloke on a farm and staying stuck out there in the county forever.” Phil had obviously heard the story himself many times over, “I could say that she ran away and never looked back, finding a new story for herself and leaving everything behind, but I’d be lying. Sometimes, life turns out exactly as you’d expect it to. She ended up with a man whom she had grown up with and although it was the exact fate that she had despised, the man was good to her. They had a little farm house and a garden and even though she was living the life she hadn’t wanted before, she was happy.”

“Sounds nice.” Dan smiled softly, only half meaning it. He wasn’t completely sure how much he wanted to trust Phil. Never leave the ship? Surely he had to be joking.

When Phil had exploded, Dan had stopped denying that he was scared. What if he never did leave? What if he never got to go home again and was forced to live out his entire life on the ship like the rest of the crew?

He still had his fingers threaded through Phil’s, figuring it was the closest he was willing to get to the man, at least for the moment. 

“She died when I was born. I never got to know her in person, everything I know about her, I heard from my father. You see, my father was a pirate himself. He worked on this very ship and walked these floors. Someone to be admired, my dad was. For a while, at least.  
“At a port, many years ago, the crew got leave for a few weeks, which was far longer than any of them expected. He and my mum found each other and one thing led to another. They were both young, still new to the world and it’s many, horrible tricks that it pulled. My mother was still married at this time, still with that farmer and a potato crop that was getting her nowhere. Dad must have been exciting, I guess.  
“A well traveled man with stories to tell. Must have sounded fascinating to someone who had never left port before.”

Dan couldn’t help thinking that the Phil’s mum’s reasoning sounded an awful lot like Dan’s when he had first met Phil.

“She ran away with him, only for a few weeks until he had to come back to the ship at the end of his leave. She never saw him after that. I guess a few weeks of adventure was enough for her, because she went back to the farm and back to her husband and didn’t even tell him that I wasn’t his.” Phil shrugged, and his shoulder brushed against Dan’s. Dan didn’t move away. “I’m told that she died in childbirth, and that I was left in the care of a man who wasn’t even my father. He raised me until I was nine.  
“He wasn’t a bad father. He taught me how to tend crops and care for animals and cook my own meals, and even though I wasn’t his, he never treated me as someone else’s son, because he didn’t know.” Phil smiled sadly. “When I was nine, my real dad came for me. He told me it was because he wanted to get to know me and raise his son, but I knew that something was wrong. He had landed himself in some trouble with the crew, but he never told me what it was that he had done. They allowed him to take me along with him, but it was only because he was forbidden from setting foot on land ever again and he would be unable to ever see me again if he didn’t take me with him right then and there.  
“I didn’t want to go, of course. Nine year olds are very stubborn. I wanted to stay with my step father, who had been all I had ever known. If a pirate had shown up at your house when you were nine years old and told you that he was your real father, would you go with him?”

Dan shook his head, “No, of course not.”

“Exactly. Only nine year old me didn’t have much of a choice. My step father told me that he loved me, but he let me go. He let a pirate take me away.” He sounded bitter.

Dan scootched slightly closer to Phil, enough so that their arms pressed against each other from their shoulders all the way down to their interlocked hands. Although Dan wanted to stay mad at Phil, he did want to hear the pirate captain’s story. 

“My dad was being held hostage, in a way.” Phil explained. “He wasn’t allowed to leave the ship, but he was allowed to work on it and get fed and have a place to sleep. It didn’t matter what I did on the ship, either. My father was a prisoner, but I was seen as a passenger. I climbed the ship along with the rest of the crew and went on land with them as well during stops at different ports. My father never came with me, and it wasn’t until I was older when I realized exactly why he didn’t.  
“I guess I can’t complain, though. He wasn’t a bad father, really. He taught me all he could, and the rest of the crew filled in what he couldn’t. I missed my step dad though, and I missed the farm. Still do, actually.” He smiled softly, his head tilting back to rest against the headrest of the couch. “Silly, isn’t it? The captain of a pirate ship misses his potato crops.  
“I worked just as hard as the rest of the crew, once I grew old enough. The Captain told me that I could earn my way by staying with the crew when I was old enough to get an apprenticeship at a port. Of course I didn’t want to leave my father behind, no matter how much he tried to convince me to go. He didn’t want me to be trapped in the same way he was, but when I was young, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to leave behind all I had known for years.”

Dan pulled up his knees to sit on his legs, turning halfway to watch Phil tell the story, instead of gazing off at the room around them. They were close enough that Dan’s knee rested on Phil’s leg but neither moved, only shifting to accommodate the new shared space between them.

Phil didn’t speak for a moment, his eyes trained on the pistol that still lay on his rug, his lip trapped between his teeth.

“I could have left when he died.” He said softly, “I could have run away and never looked back and I could have avoided this entire mess.”

“Why didn’t you?” Dan asked, and they were so close together that they barely had to whisper to hear each other.

“Because I was scared.” Phil said simply, “I knew what would happen if I stayed on the crew and it was more reassuring than running off and beginning all over again. It didn’t take much to convince the captain to let me stay, and I already knew most of the crew from living with them for so long. I figured it wouldn’t be a bad life.”

“Was it?” 

Phil shrugged. “A lot happened in the years following and it wasn’t all bad. I worked until I was promoted higher and higher until I became Captain and since I already knew my crew, it wasn’t hard to lead them.”

“But do you enjoy being captain?” Dan wanted to know.

Phil paused for a second. “It’s hard to enjoy watching yourself become the person that you used to hate.” He let go of Dan’s hand, instead resting his arm along the back of the couch and Dan didn’t hesitate to re secure his hold of Phil’s hand with his other one, leaning against Phil’s side.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’ve become who my father hated. The Captain who held my father captive is no different from the Captain who is now holding you against your will. I’m no better than he was, and believe me when I say that that man was horrible.”

“You’re only partly horrible.” Dan told Phil, elbowing him gently in the ribs. “I promise.”

Phil laughed a short, humorless laugh and shook his head. “I’m more than just partly horrible Dan,” He said softly, “I’m just glad you don’t know exactly how much.”

Dan felt like his ‘meant to be cheerful’ comment had done nothing. He sighed, “Look, I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you.”

“You should.”

“Maybe, but that’s for me to figure out.” He smiled softly at Phil, his mind racing as he noticed how close they were. Obviously, guilting him by making him talk about his own home wasn’t working. Perhaps…?

He chewed his lip. Did he really want to go as far as making a move on Phil to get away? Was it worth it?

He leaned closer and smirked to himself as Phil’s eyes dipped to watch Dan’s lips, but it was quickly replaced by a shaky breath as his nerves attacked him. His heartbeat was so loud in his ears that he was astonished that Phil couldn’t hear it. They were so fucking close.

If he somehow made Phil feel guilty enough to let him go, that would be the end if it all. No more pirate ship, but it also meant that Dan could go home. Home. Never had he thought that going back to his parent’s inn would bring him such joy.

“Dan…” 

Dan shook his head minutely, feeling Phil’s hand let go of his and instead slide to rest at the base of Dan’s neck. “If you don’t want——”

His words were cut off as Phil surged forward, connecting their lips and simultaneously pulling Dan towards him.

It was magic.

Electric.

Stunning.

It took Dan almost five seconds to actually realize what was happening and kiss back. 

Phil was an excellent kisser. His lips were all soft and sure and precise, pressing gently against Dan’s and effectively wiping away any thought of manipulation from the younger boy’s mind. Dan felt Phil’s gentle and firm hands at his waist and cradling the back of his head, holding him right where he wanted him and Dan couldn’t complain. One of his own hands found purchase against Phil’s shirt, none too gently grabbing the fabric to pull himself closer and his other arm snaked around Phil’s neck, his hand running through whatever he could reach of Phil’s surprisingly soft hair.

Dan’s touch in Phil’s hair seemed to remind the captain how Dan had reacted the last time he played with his hair, and within seconds, both of Phil’s hands were tangled in Dan’s mess of curls. Dan practically melted, kissing back with all he had and doing his best not to completely fall apart in Phil’s hands.

This is definitely not going to plan, His brain reminded him, You’re the one who’s supposed to trick him.

But the rational thought was quickly extinguished by a small bite at the corner of Dan’s mouth and once again, he was lost.

It felt like only seconds until Phil broke them apart, his pupils blown wide as he looked down at Dan. Shaking his head, almost in disbelief, Phil dropped his hands from Dan’s hair, pulling back farther and farther and farther away.

“Phil…?”

The head shake became more sure and a frown made it’s way onto Phil’s features. “No, I shouldn’t be….no, Dan.”

“But you—”

“I said no!” He pulled Dan’s hand from where it was caught in Phil’s shirt and the captain stood up, holding his balance against the armrest of the couch. “I need you to leave.”

“What?” Dan was still half lost in the feeling of Phil’s lips on his own, “What do you mean?”

“I can’t deal with this right now, I need you to leave.” He glanced out the window, noticing how dark it was and he deflated slightly, his shoulder slumping. “If you don’t feel safe walking back right now, I can offer you the couch if you’d like?” The question was obviously out of politeness only, and Dan shook his head, standing slowly.

His mind raced. What had happened? Why had Phil stopped? Why had he started in the first place? This plan was to distract Phil, not himself….and yet how had Dan managed to become so lost in the feeling of Phil’s touch against him?

He made his way to the door in silence, not looking back once as he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOWZA! A KISS! That took long enough sheesh sorry to keep you waiting for so long. Leave me a comment telling me what you thought, I TRULY love hearing from you!!! :)  
> tumblr: phailingphantastically


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT WHAT UPDATING TWICE IN A WEEK WHAT IS THIS???
> 
> Alright alright. I had this chapter sitting there for a while and I really wanted someone to read it so here ya go! Also, we're kind of nearing the end (???) I think. We'll see how this goes. Anyways, thanks for the lovely comments again!!! Seriously ya'll make me so happy :)  
> Told in Dan's POV  
> No beta, sorry, all mistakes are my own. :)

Dan hadn’t had the nicest wake up.

He was jerked from his dreams by PJ, who none too gently shook Dan’s hammock from side to side, almost knocking the teenager from where he lay. “Dan, Phil needs you in his cabin. Now.”

Still bleary eyed with sleep, Dan mumbled how he didn’t want anything to do with Phil this early in the morning. As a matter of fact, he didn’t want anything to do with anybody this early in the morning. Was it even morning? It felt like he had gone to sleep only minutes ago.

“Dan, this is serious.” Peej sounded no nonsense. “We think we found your guy.”

Your guy.

His attacker?

Dan stilled his futile movements to get away from PJ’s continuous, bothersome voice and instead lay, unmoving.

“We need you to see if it’s the right guy.”

Dan nodded, his voice gone. 

We? Was PJ working with Phil to find the guy? 

As Peej waited for Dan to get up, he filled the silence with words, “I know you didn’t get a good look at him, but we were hoping that voice alone would help you identify the man. We’d feel better once we knew the man was locked up and I think you could agree with that.” He put on a smile that looked like it hurt.

“I didn’t know you knew.” Dan said, half quietly. He didn’t know why he bothered. The entire crew probably knew what happened. Did Phil tell them?

PJ stopped fake smiling and shrugged slightly. “I’m sorry it happened.”

Dan hadn’t been looking for an apology, but he didn’t bother arguing. He pulled his shoes on and followed Peej out the door and on to the deck. 

It was still mostly dark outside, reassuring Dan that he was indeed right about it being far to early to be awake. What the hell were Peej and Phil doing up at this time? Promising himself to think about it further at a different time, Dan followed sleepily behind Peej, yawning and doing his best not to fall asleep on his feet.

It wasn’t until Peej knocked on the door to Phil’s cabin that Dan realized that he would have to look his attacker in the face, possibly within the next few minutes.

The thought woke him up considerably and he found himself crowding against Peej.

His friend didn’t hesitate to open the door after he knocked, shouldering it open and calling out, “Phil, ‘m back!”

Phil poked his head up from his desk, where he was furiously writing something with his pen and ink, the nib of the writing instrument ceasing it’s scratching on the paper as the captain looked up. Immediately, his eyes lit up when he saw them, but his mouth stayed stuck in a grim line. “Dan.” He nodded a little in greeting, and Dan could feel the tension between them, thick enough to cut with a knife. 

“Hi.” They hadn’t spoken since two nights prior, which was when Dan had gone and screwed everything up by trying to kiss Phil. The fact that he had succeeded was unimportant. “Um, where is…?” He didn’t want to sound scared. He shouldn’t be scared. The man he was acquiring after was probably locked up, under guard, and incapable of doing anything at all to Dan. Still, his nerves shot higher as time passed.

“Below decks.” Peej said, “Should we go now——”

“Sit down, Dan.” Phil cut in, offering a weak smile and gesturing to the couch. “You look near petrified.”

Dan tried to laugh it off, because he indeed felt nearly petrified at the moment, but the laugh died in his throat and he instead did his best not to choke on it.

“Phil,” Peej started, “The sooner we——”

“Ligouri, would you like to take a seat as well?” Phil’s words were polite, but there was an air of chilliness to them. 

Peej sat.

“Dan, I’m sure PJ told you about what’s going on?”

Dan nodded.

“Good. Now, I know that you never got a good look, but we were hoping that you’d be able to identify the man by his voice, do you think you can do that?”

Dan wasn’t listening. There was a little spot of ink on Phil’s left cheek, probably from where the man forgot he was holding a pen and brushed against his own skin.

“Dan?” Peej elbowed Dan in the ribs, and Dan shook his head a little, looking up at PJ in surprise. “Are you paying attention?”

Dan shook his head and Phil sighed. “Look, I know it’s late—” he glanced at the clock. “early, whatever. And I know that you’re hesitant about hearing this man’s voice again, but once this is over, it’s over. Okay?”

Dan nodded this time, eyes still on the ink spot, but he was listening. “Okay.”

Phil exhaled, “Okay.”

“You’re going to stay with me while Phil talks to the man.” Peej explained, “If it sounds like him, let me know.”

*****

It felt like a lot longer walk down below decks than Dan remembered. 

PJ and Phil talked quietly to each other as they walked, so quietly that Dan had trouble making out more than two words out of ten. They were deep in conversation, their heads ducked together and Dan fought down a twinge of jealousy. 

Now is not the time, He reminded himself, Besides, they’ve probably known each other for years. Probably just very good friends.

Dan wondered if Chris was still asleep. Did he know about any of this? Dan kind of hoped he didn’t. He hoped no one but Phil and Peej knew about it and even then, that was pushing it. 

A gentle hand at the small of his back made Dan jump, and he only relaxed when he heard Phil say softly, “He can’t do anything to you.”

As they climbed down the ladder into the dark room, Dan shivered, suddenly remembering how thankful he was to have an actual place to sleep now. Peej grabbed his hand though, before Dan could make his way through the dark room, and pulled him behind a stack of crates while Phil moved on. Holding a finger to his own lips as a gesture for silence, Peej pointed out to where Phil was still walking towards the cell at the back of the room.

“Listen. And be quiet.” PJ’s voice was so soft, Dan had to strain to hear it and they were standing literally inches away from each other.

They listened, hearing only Phil’s footsteps and Dan’s heart stuttered when he heard them stop.

“So.” Dan held his breath as Phil spoke. “How’ve you been?”

There was a grunt in reply that could have easily have been made from an animal.

“Right, right.” Phil continued as if the man had answered his question with perfect politeness, “Can you tell me again what happened with Howell? I need to hear your side of the story.”

“You and me both know that you’re gonna favor that kid over me, so why should I bother?”

Dan shuddered and PJ looked at him, eyebrows raised.

“I don’t favor anybody,” Phil sounded annoyed, “I write down each person’s accounts and I leave the judging up to the judges. Speaking of, we’re heading towards port soon.” There was satisfaction in his voice, “We can settle this all in court once we get there.”

Dan was feeling more unnerved by the second. Court? Judges? He didn’t want to get involved in all that.

“I won’t get a fair trial and you know it,” The man growled, “’Specially after that last port. You tell ‘em about that and I’m as good as dead.” 

Dan tried to tune out the man’s voice, but it wasn’t working.

“What you did was wrong—”

“I know that, Lester!” The man cut Peej off, “Jesus. You’ve had it out for me since day one, haven’t ya?”

“I’ve had it out for you since you’ve been attacking members of your own crew.” Phil sounded ice cold.

“That kid’s not a part of this crew! You know it as well as I do that he’s just some hostage who won’t sell for anything even if you tried!” The words were spat. “He’s just some kid you picked up and now you can’t let him go because you’re just too damn scared.”

“Shut your mouth.”

“You’re scared that he’s going to be your downfall. Isn’t that it?”

Dan didn’t like where this was going. He felt like he shouldn’t be listening to the two argue and he didn’t like that this guy was getting under Phil’s skin.

“Let him go and he’ll squeal on all of us. Bring the whole castle down.” There was a sickening grin that could be heard as the man spoke and Dan shivered. “Once you’re found out, you’re as good as dead. They know who you are. Just can’t find you yet.”

“I should have forced you to leave years ago.” Phil gritted out.

“Ah, but you didn’t. And that’s where you went wrong. You’re too nice, Phil.” He sounded sympathetic. “You’re too understanding. You’re too peaceful. You’re too scared.”

Dan willed Phil to answer with some great one liner that would shut the prisoner up, but only silence followed. PJ’s hands fluttered to where Dan knew he kept his knife.

“Howell’s gonna be the death of you.” The prisoner said simply. “And all because you couldn’t bear to leave him behind. You’re a dead man, Phil. Once everyone finds out about your secrets, it’s straight to the stocks with you.” There was a grin that was practically audible. “Maybe once you’re gone we can have a proper man in charge.”

“If anyone finds out about us, it’s straight to the stocks with all of us.” Phil sounded strangely calm, but by the way PJ’s eyes were widening as he heard Phil’s voice, it wasn’t a good thing. “You’re not going to be saved and we’re all going straight to hell. ‘The best kind of pirate is a dead pirate’, and all that. We’ll be some fucking amazing pirates, now, won’t we?”

“You can’t handle the thought of paying for what you’ve done.” The man said in mock disbelief, “You think you can hide forever?”

“As long as the kid stays with us, yes, I think I can. I’m invincible with him around. Don’t think that anything is going to stop me.”

The words seemed to pack a physical punch against Dan’s stomach, almost knocking him backwards a step.

No. Surely, Phil couldn’t mean that. Could he?

“Dan.” PJ whispered, his voice breaking through Dan’s thoughts. “Come on.” He gently guided Dan towards the ladder, his face a mask that Dan couldn’t read.

They climbed in silence, still hearing the faint sound of the two arguing, and it was only until they made it back to Phil’s cabin that Dan relaxed. He sat perched on the edge of the couch, unsure of what to think and trying to make sense of the questions that swirled in his head. What had Phil done?

“Was that…?” PJ nodded to the door, eyes questioning, and Dan nodded.

That was definitely the same man.

PJ didn’t try to initiate conversation after that, and Dan was grateful. Peej sat at Phil’s desk and Dan half lay on the couch, his eyes studying the ceiling with much more interest than he had ever before. He didn’t want to think about what Phil had said, about how he was only using Dan to hide. He didn’t want to think at all. Instead, he focused on the wood grain above him. He admired how well built the room was. He noticed the lighter, faded wood where the sun shone through and the deep, dark wood where no light hit.

He didn’t know how long he lay there. He didn’t care.

He felt empty, as if someone had reached inside of him and pulled out anything that could possibly feel. He felt used and broken and defeated and angry at himself for ever even trusting Phil.

Eventually, he closed his eyes to continue his thoughts on the structure of the ship. The waves rocked him back and forth and the small, almost silent scratching of pen and ink filled the cabin. Peej was writing something.

It doesn’t matter, Dan reminded himself, Focus on something else.

He listened to the waves. He counted the seconds between creaks of wood as the ship settled. He finally allowed himself to fall asleep.

*****

The sound of the door banging open was as loud as a gunshot, and in seconds, Dan was awake, although he didn’t move. Someone, probably PJ, had covered him with a small blanket and he lay curled on his side, one of the small, hard, throw pillows digging into his lower back. The room was partially hidden from Dan’s view, thanks to the blanket, but he listened. 

“Where’s the kid?” Phil sounded angry, but exhausted. Dan stayed still, letting his chest rise and fall evenly and hoping that he looked convincing.

“He passed out about half an hour ago, keep it down.” Peej sounded angry as well, but he was at least keeping his voice low. There was a pause, in which Dan felt Phil’s eyes on him. “Phil, you’ve fucked up.” No one else among the crew ever spoke to Phil like PJ did. As if he were simply an old friend, instead of captain.

Phil let out a breath, long, tired, and knowing. “Yeah. I figured.”

The edge of the couch depressed slightly and Dan knew that Phil was sitting near his feet, and he did his best not to jump when he felt a hand resting lightly on his ankle. Phil dragged his thumb gently over Dan’s blanket covered ankle, back and forth, back and forth, and Dan might have thought it felt nice if it weren’t for the circumstances. He hated that his heart spiked with nerves at Phil’s gentle touch, hated that all they had built up was gone.

“What did he hear?” Phil sounded worried, and Dan tried not to snort. Hell yeah, he should be worried. 

“What do you think he heard?” PJ’s bitter words surprised Dan, and he heard the sound of a pen being thrown down on the desk. “He came back here and stared at the ceiling for hours looking completely fucking lost until he finally fell asleep.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“Didn’t mean what? For all of this to happen? Or just for him to hear it?”

“Peej…”

“The kid’s a mess, Phil.” PJ sounded defeated. “You’re breaking him.”

“It got out of hand. I was only trying to get him to talk, I didn’t think he could actually get a rise out of me.” Phil pleaded, “I didn’t want him to hear that.”

Peej sighed, “He was going to find out at some point. At least it was from you and not someone else. I just wish it had been face to face and not overheard. You need to tell him everything.”

“I can’t,” Phil said softly, “He’ll hate me.”

“And what if he already does?” 

Dan peeked up at Phil through half closed eyes, watching as the captain dropped his head in his hands. “I know.” He said miserably. “I know.”

Dan closed his eyes again. He didn’t like seeing Phil like this, all broken down and defeated. It felt wrong, somehow. He turned slightly, shifting around and letting out a small sigh as he pretended to wake up.

Peeking one eye open, he looked up to see Phil sitting at his feet, an expression on his face like the one Dan’s father had once used to tell him that his grandmother had died. 

“Dan? You awake?”

He nodded, still rubbing sleep from his eyes and stretching his limbs slightly. At least he didn’t have to fake that part. He was glad to be rid of that goddamned pillow digging against his back. “What time is it?”

“You slept for about half an hour.” Peej told him, still standing at the desk. His eyes were still on Phil, but Phil only watched Dan, pointedly ignoring his friend’s gaze. “It’s about 5:45.”

“Dan?” Phil again. It sounded as if he were about to add on a ‘sweetheart’ or ‘honey’ like Dan’s mum would when talking in that tone of voice. “We need to talk.” His thumb still ran nervously over Dan’s ankle.

Peej nodded approvingly. “I’ll see you both later.” He made his way towards the door, pausing briefly at the couch to ruffle Dan’s hair and to shoot one last, dangerous look at Phil. Dan and Phil both watched as he left the room, the door closing without a sound behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowza ANGST! But if you've read any of my other stuff, you'll know that I have a problem with not writing angst. :P Let me know what you thought, I really love hearing from you! :) Thanks for reading, ya'll already know that I think you're the best, but again, YOU'RE GREAT!   
> tumblr: phailingphantastically


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YIKES sorry I'm a day and a half late. Guess what. I'm sick!!! Yayyyyy. This is kind of a filler chapter, as we're setting up for some pretty interesting stuff woohooo. Thanks to everyone who commented, you lil rays of sunshine!!  
> Dan's POV

The “talk” hadn’t gone the way that Dan had expected it to.

First of all, he had planned on staying mad at Phil for as long as he possibly could, maybe even until he somehow managed to escape the ship. Unfortunately, Phil seemed to have mastered the art of looking extremely apologetic, miserable and pitiful and even Dan, with his self proclaimed heart of stone, couldn’t even manage a frown by the end of the talk.

By the time Dan had finally left Phil’s cabin, the sun had already been up for hours and the crew was already working hard. He had worked with Chris, enjoying the easy banter, as Chris didn’t seem to have a clue about what had happened and frankly, Dan was grateful for the break. Being with Peej and Phil for so long had sent him into such a somber mood that the laughs and jokes that he normally only tolerated with Chris, seemed like a blessing. 

He avoided PJ’s eye as much as possible and as far as Dan knew, Phil had yet to leave his cabin. There was a tension on board, although none of the crew had made any comment on the missing member, perhaps not caring of his lack of presence. Dan was thankful, glad to not have to think or talk about the matter any more than he had to, although it was odd to have a normal day after the trials and ordeals of the night before. 

He had assumed that he was going to sleep better, knowing that the man was locked up, but as the day moved onward, the thought of it stayed in his mind more and more. Perhaps knowing exactly where the object of his nightmares was at all time wasn’t a good thing. Perhaps he had been better off not knowing.

Dan managed to keep himself busy for most of the day, distracting himself with other thoughts and ideas, allowing himself to daydream of home, pushing away the thought of never getting back there. Meals went by, as did chores, and he threw himself in to routine that helped keep him sane throughout the day. It wasn’t until the sun had gone down that he finally let himself think back on the events of the morning and the night before.

He walked alone on the deck, letting the dim glow of the moon to light his way as he wandered over to the railing. Resting his forearms against the rail, he leaned over the side to watch the dark waves rushing against the side of the ship, alive and restless, matching his mind.

Instead of the yelling and fighting that Dan had imagined to follow after Peej left the room, there had instead been a quiet, long conversation that had ended in more of a confession than a fight. 

Dan and Phil had sat side by side on the couch, neither really looking the other in the eyes as they talked and listened, neither really having the courage to face the other. 

Phil had told Dan all about what had happened for him to become captain.

“It wasn’t really a choice.” He had said, “I didn’t have anywhere else to go. My dad had died and I couldn’t go back to my step father. News had gotten back to me years prior that he had passed away.” He shrugged, although Dan could tell that he was a lot more bothered by this than he was letting on. “So I took over. Wasn’t really that hard at first. Forge a few records saying that I was in line to be captain, make sure that I had never been seen as a slave of the ship by anyone other than the crew.”

It all seemed rather elaborate to Dan. Sure, being captain sounded cool in his fantasies, but in reality, the magic was gone. “Why would you choose to stay on board the place that you were held captive on? On board where your father was a slave?”

“I didn’t have another home.”

“You could have just made one.” Dan didn’t understand how Phil wasn’t seeing his reason. “Step off the ship and you could have started over. You said you could forge records, so why not destroy the old you and create another? Change your name, your age, your parents and your past and you could have left.”

“I was scared, Dan.” Phil said, simply, “ You would be too if you were in the same situation. I was only nineteen. I was your age, and I didn’t want to have to start over. As horrible as it sounds, I had made my own family out of the pirates who had held my father as a slave. I got to know them and they knew me, to the point that they didn’t even argue when I said I would step up. Basically, I felt at home with my own kidnappers.” He ran a hand through his hair, making it stand up in a quiff for a moment, before smoothing it back down . Dan fought the urge to fix it himself. “I was everyone’s kid brother; me and the other ship’s boys.”

Dan shivered. This was getting far too close to his own experience. If he didn’t have his own home to return to, would he stay as well? Make himself a ‘family’ out of the crew? 

“I was only a kid,” Phil continued. “I didn’t know what I was getting myself in to. I didn’t know what I had signed up for. Peej tried to warn me.” He said the last part softly, as if remembering how much he regretted not listening. “He said that I didn’t want this life and that I should get out while I could.”

“You worked with Peej when you were little?”

“He was a ship’s boy when I lived with my dad on here.” Phil nodded slowly, “He and I got along from the moment we met, and I helped him do most of his chores.” Smiling fondly at the memory for a moment, Phil shook his head, as if putting the image away to look at later. To remember later. “Anyway. I didn’t listen to him, obviously. I didn’t want to leave him and the rest of the crew behind, as much as I wanted to leave. I didn’t think it would be that bad.”

“It doesn’t sound that bad.”

Phil smiled wearily. “No, it doesn’t. Not when you just daydream and imagine it, at least.”

“What happened?”

Phil hesitated. This didn’t seem to be a story that he told often. “When I became captain, everything from the previous captain was transferred to me. Debts, penalties, death sentences, everything that he had ever done was now becoming everything that I had done. And...”

“And?” Dan prompted, wanting nothing more than for Phil to just continue his story.

“And I’ve done nothing but add on to the pile of debts and sentences. Yes, I’ve cleared some. I’m no longer a wanted criminal in some places, but I’ve made mistakes of my own. Some that more than warrant a death sentence, and I’ve been too scared to turn myself in.”

“Well why would you? No one really wants to die.”

“Guilt is a very underrated form of punishment.” Phil said softly, his lip trapped in his teeth. 

“It can’t be very hard to hide in an entire ocean.” Dan reasoned, “You can go anywhere.”

“They recognize the ship.” Phil dropped his head in his hands, his shoulders tense. “It’s a lot harder to hide an entire ship than just a single man. I can’t get rid of it, not with this many people relying on it for money and a home and especially not when I’ve spent so much time aboard.”

Dan frowned, “I can’t imagine not getting rid of a ship after it practically selling you out.”

“Let’s put it this way.” Phil turned halfway to look at Dan now, instead of simply turning his head. “Would you burn your inn if it meant that it would ensure your safety, although there was no promise of you ever being in danger?”

“Well.” Dan shifted, “Probably not, but—”

“It’s the same thing. We wouldn’t destroy our homes, even if it meant our own safety.”

“So you’re living with the chance of death always on your back?”

Phil smiled slightly, but there was so much sadness packed into it that it barely counted as one. “No one is going to live forever. We’re all trying to outrun death, and some of us just run faster than others.”

“So, why am I still here?” Dan hadn’t forgotten why they were having the conversation in the first place. “Why do you still keep me here?”

Phil winced. “It’s complicated.”

“Don’t say that,” Dan tilted his chin up, in the hopes that he could manage to look at least a little menacing. “Tell me the truth at least this once. You owe me that much.”

“As long as you stay on board,” Phil obviously didn’t want to explain, “I’m safe. You can’t sell me out and you can’t tell anyone where we are and what our plans are.”

“But I told you, I wouldn’t ever sell you out!”

“Dan, I know you mean that right now, but there are people willing to do anything to get to me. They’d do anything to get to you, if it meant leading them to where I am.”

“I wouldn’t tell, even if they were offering me all the money I could imagine.” Dan said, stubbornly, and Phil smiled softly.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t.” He replied, “But it’s not just rewards that you’d be offered. I’ve known many a man who has been killed for information, and I don’t want you to become another.”

Kill him? This was a lot more intense than Dan had originally thought.

“So you’re keeping me here for my safety?”

“For both of ours.” Phil corrected. “You can’t get caught, I can’t get caught. It all should have worked out.”

“Right.” Dan said, a hint of bitterness in his words. “’Should have.’ You just didn’t think that I would ever want to go back home?”

“You told me that you didn’t.” Phil protested, “You told me yourself that you never wanted to work there and that you always wanted to get away. I thought you’d want to stay here.”

“Not when I can’t ever go home!”

“Is it really that bad to stay here?”

Dan didn’t answer. He could feel Phil’s eyes on him but he didn’t meet them. If he did, he might start to think that he really did want to stay on board. To be completely honest, staying on the ship for longer than he had to didn’t actually sound that bad. It was only the thought of never going back home that swayed him.

“Are you keeping me here for my safety, or your own?” 

Phil hesitated. “Both.”

Dan raised an eyebrow.

Phil sighed. “If you’re caught, you’d be questioned about me which if what I’m trying to keep from happening to you. If they find out about me, then I’m dead. All of my crew would be dead. It’s safer for both of us.”

“But if you had a fair judge——”

“Pirates don’t get a trial, Dan.” Phil sounded so tired, “It’s straight to the stocks with all of us, and you can bet that we’re going to be buried in a nameless cemetery, while the ship gets burned.” He gestured towards the door. “These people trust me to get them back home, and I can’t betray them like that. Ever. Believe me, I’ve done all the research that I can possibly do. I’m trapped.” 

Dan nodded along, while his mind rushed a mile a minute. Phil was so unlike any pirate captain that he had heard rumors about back home. All of the stories that he had grown up hearing were dead wrong. They described a crude, rough, violent, monster of a man, who stopped at nothing to get what he wanted and threatened anyone who got in his way. They told of a man who was selfish and dangerous and ruthless, and Dan used to think that they were one of the most unstoppable forces on the face of the earth. 

Meanwhile, here was Phil, who liked to keep a cactus in his cabin and who walked Dan back to his hammock almost every night. Phil who was different and nice and thoughtful and kind. Phil who liked to stay up late and talk. Phil who stuck his tongue between his teeth when he laughed. Phil whose eyes Dan could get lost in.

But he wasn’t any less dangerous than any stereotypical pirate. 

“But you didn’t do all that stuff.” Dan tried to protest, “I’m sure if people just listened to you—”

“Who’s going to listen to me, Dan? Let’s be honest, I don’t look like someone who you could trust. I don’t look like I’m even worthy of getting a trial.” He sighed.

Dan tried to think back to when he didn’t trust Phil. It hadn’t been that long ago, really, but it felt like years. “But you’re so…” He didn’t know what he was trying to say. “There has to be some way that you and I can both walk free.”

Phil flinched at the implication that Dan was a prisoner, his prisoner, even though the young man had meant no venom in his words. “I don’t know. I want to let you go, but…” He trailed off, leaving his words hanging between them. 

“You’re scared.” Dan observed with a hollow voice, and Phil straightened, pushing his shoulders back.

“I am not!”

“You are.” Dan insisted, “And you have a right to be, I guess.” He ran a hand nervously through his hair, frowning in annoyance when he found tangles. When had his hair become so long? “I’m scared as well, and that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be looking for a way out. You’re allowed to be scared, but you can’t let it consume you like this.” Dan gestured weakly to where Phil sat, his shoulders hunched and his head down. “It’ll kill you. You have to face it.”

“But I don’t know how.”

“Neither do I. Do you think that has ever stopped me?” Dan smiled softly, “Listen. If there’s a chance that we can both get out of this alive and safe, what’s the point in ignoring it?”

“You’re willing to help me walk free?” Phil asked, disbelieving, “Even though I’ve done so much to earn your hatred?”

“I’ve told you before.” Dan said, “ I don’t hate you. I’m going to find a way out for myself, and if you want to ensure your own safety, you should as well.” He was glad his voice sounded more sure than he felt. If he couldn’t convince Phil to help him, Dan knew that his chances were headed down the drain. “Phil, I’m not letting myself be trapped forever.”

Phil nodded, hesitant at first before becoming more sure. “Alright.” He smiled. It was weak and shaky, but Dan figured he couldn’t really be picky, considering the circumstances. “I’m in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo angst! I'm still trying to figure out a good way to end this, so bear with me!! I bet you all hate me for dragging this story on for so long. Thanks for sticking with it so far, I'm with you til the end of the line!   
> Make sure to comment and let me know what you're thinking so far or just to say hi. Yes, I'm pathetic and I seek validation from strangers. :)  
> tumblr: phailingphantastically


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20 wow! I can't believe I started this back in May. Right, so this is the last chapter I had stored for when I don't have time to write more so I'll do my best to keep up this schedule. I think we're nearing the end of the story, but hey, I know about as much as you guys do. :P Enjoy!  
> Phil's POV

Phil was still awake hours after Dan had left and he knew that he wasn’t going to sleep at all once the sun had come up, so he just decided to wait it out. Dan had gone back to his hammock a while ago, leaving only his words to replay themselves in Phil’s mind as he did his best not to crumble under the weight of his own guilt. Dan wanted to go home, and the only thing keeping him from going back was Phil’s on sense of self preservation and his fear of what he knew was waiting for him. 

He had tried multiple times to tell himself that he was keeping Dan on the ship because he wanted to protect the younger boy. If Dan went back, Phil knew that there would be officials swarming him, trying to find a way to get to Phil, and as much as Dan promised that he would never talk, Phil knew that the promise was hollow. The people after him had ways that would make even the hardest criminal talk and although Dan was strong, Phil knew that there was no way that he would be able to keep his mouth shut.

Sighing, Phil leaned his head back against the back of the couch, one of the uncomfortable throw pillows hugged to his chest. 

He felt helpless.

He couldn’t get the image of Dan’s wide, scared eyes out of his mind, hearing the teenager’s voice repeating “what do you mean I can’t go home” over and over again until Phil thought that he was going to go mad. Dan didn’t deserve this. Any of this. It wasn’t fair to force him to deal with Phil’s problems, but what was there to do? On top of all that, Phil could almost feel Dan’s lingering touch against his arm, even though he tried his best to block it out.

If it weren’t for Dan’s incredible ability to make Phil fall head over heels for him, the whole mess would have been a hell of alot easier to deal with. If he hadn’t cared for Dan in the slightest, then maybe he would have actually just dropped him off at that port like he had been planning on doing when they first accidentally kidnapped him. Phil’s plan had gone completely down the drain from the second he had looked Dan in the eyes.

Initially, when he had heard from PJ that they had accidentally kidnapped a teenage boy, his mind had already begun to formulate a plan to get rid of the kid as soon as physically possible. It was always better to never have hostages, and since the ship was already out of the port, there was no way to go back without being caught. Peej had been the one to suggest leaving the kid at the next port and it had seemed like a perfect plan. Get the kid off the ship, don’t let him see anything important, and be rid of the whole problem.

The only problem with the plan, though, was that Phil had seen Dan.

The kid’s bright, defiant eyes were enough to make Phil stop in his tracks. Although being stared down by the crew and being completely tied up, he had a look of anger, defiance, and fear that Phil had immediately recognized, and from that moment, the entire plan was thrown off. He had been captivated with the boy’s eyes from the moment their eyes locked together.

At first, Phil had simply made excuses to try to slow down the ship’s course, even though he wasn’t entirely sure why. Sure, Dan was cute and he definitely reminded Phil of someone, but was that the only reason? When the ship had been attacked and thrown off schedule, Phil was thrilled. 

It wasn’t until he and Dan had started training together that he realized exactly why he had been so distracted by the teenager. 

The boy was almost exactly like Sadie, from his sense of humor to his ability to make Phil feel like he was completely lost when they were apart.

Phil remembered staying up the entire night when he realized this, and he frowned when he noticed that tonight was probably going to be the same.

Standing up from the couch, he paced back and forth in front of the window, trying to get his thoughts together. Ever since they had parted, Phil hadn’t allowed himself to think about Sadie. It hurt too much. 

But the more time he and Dan spent together, Phil had found out that thinking about the girl had become easier. It was easier to think about her when she and Dan were so similar that they were practically the same person.

Phil remembered the day he had met Sadie like it was only yesterday. He remembered the wide look of defiance and fear in her eyes, and how she stood up so tall when she was speaking, and how even though she had been practically starving for two weeks, she still looked like a goddess, her chin raised as the crew tried to decide her fate.

Sadie had been a stowaway on the ship, sneaking below decks when they landed at a port and living off of the supplies that were stored in the ship. She had stayed hidden for two weeks before being found out and by that time, there was nowhere to drop her off and get rid of her. When she was found out, she was forced to stand in the middle of the deck while most of the crew surrounded, yelling out punishments that should be dealt out or some even trying to defend her.

Phil had been there. He had watched in silence as she stood and took the insults hurled at her. He had thought that she was the bravest girl he had ever met.

Finally, the captain had emerged from his cabin and the crew was sent back to work as he and his first mate figured out what to do with her.

Phil had gone back to work, but it was impossible for him to get the girl out of his mind. He couldn’t figure out why she would want to stowaway on a pirate ship of all places. If he had the chance, he liked to play with the idea that he would run away and leave the ship behind.

When the girl emerged from the cabin again, it was declared that she was to be kept in the cell below decks until the ship reached its next port. From there, she would be forced off and left behind to survive. Although the punishment was fair, Phil was upset by it. Of course, it was a lot better than being shot or thrown overboard or sold as a slave on some island, but throwing her in the cells was no way to treat a girl, especially one as beautiful as her.

While upset, Phil did nothing to argue, as there’s only so much that one can do when you’re 16 and have absolutely no ranking on a pirate ship. The most he did at first, was smile. She had caught his eye as the captain announced her fate and he had offered her a smile that in no way summed up his complete infatuation with her, but it seemed to be enough for her to gain a little more confidence. The girl had pushed her shoulders back and her head was held high, looking almost confidant in the face of a whole crew of pirates.

From there, Phil made sure to visit her every chance that he got. He would sneak below decks to where she was locked up, and the two the them would talk for hours, letting their imaginations get the better of them as they fantasized about running away and leaving the ship behind. She was the kind of person that Phil had always wanted to be: Strong, determined, understanding, and incredibly smart. She had thousands of ideas that she would tell Phil as they stayed up late in the night, describing how she was going to live and how she was going to escape and who she wanted to be. Phil listened in rapture and amazement, astounded that he and her had even become friends.

Sadie seemed impossible. Unbeatable. Unreal. She seemed like one of the mermaids that the crew sometimes told stories about, incredibly beautiful and smart, able to lure a man to their death with only a look. Phil sometimes wondered how long it would have taken him to throw himself overboard if Sadie had asked him to.

Their connection was unlike anything Phil had ever known or had even hoped to know. It had been perfect.

Frowning now, Phil stopped his pacing as he did his best to block out any memory of Sadie after that. There were things he didn’t want to remember. Since his connection to Dan was so similar to the one he shared with Sadie, Phil was scared, no, terrified, that it would end the same way. It was the reason why he had kept himself away from the boy for as long as he could, forbidding himself to fall for the kid out of the fear that history would repeat itself.

Glancing at the clock, Phil sighed when he saw that it was nearing sunrise and he hadn’t slept a wink. His body was exhausted, but his mind wouldn’t shut off, having decided that it was the perfect time to go over all of the memories that he had tried so hard to suppress for the past years. Phil threw himself down on the couch again, not having the energy to make the walk back to his bed and instead lay and watched the wood of his ceiling. Unsure of what he was looking for in the whorls and knots of the wood, he let his mind wander back to the thoughts that he had done his best to hide from for years. 

He remembered his and Sadie’s first kiss, and how it was the only time he had ever seen her nervous. They both were, neither of them having done it before, but it had still been the brightest moment in Phil’s life at the time. They were always so easy together, and they knew each other so well at that point that a kiss had just felt like second nature. It was shy, awkward, and perfect, leaving them both breathless and smiling, the promise of togetherness fresh in their minds. In that moment, nothing could have stopped them. They could have done anything, and they would be invincible to whatever trials came their way.

Idly, Phil’s mind switched over to his and Dan’s first kiss together and a smile found it’s way to his lips. It had been different, of course. Phil hadn’t kissed a boy before Dan and he hadn’t really thought that he would, but once their lips had met, any doubt in his mind was gone. The shy, tentative smiles had disappeared from their faces as the kiss had heated up and Phil sighed when he remembered Dan’s hands on him and how he had melted in his arms when Phil had put a hand in Dan’s hair. Dan was a good kisser. He knew exactly what to do to make Phil’s head spin, but the more he thought about it, the more Phil wondered if it was even on purpose. After all, the teenager had seemed just as, if not more, nervous than Phil had been.

If it hadn’t been for the memories of Sadie that had come to mind during the kiss, Phil wondered how the night would have ended if he hadn’t sent Dan away. 

He wondered what Dan would have looked like leaving the cabin, had he not have been wearing a look of utter confusion and hurt when Phil had told him to leave.

Maybe Phil would have told him that he loved him.

The thought made Phil shiver, imaging himself actually saying the words out loud. He wondered what Dan’s reaction would have been. He remembered Sadie’s.

She hadn’t said it back at first. She had smiled, kissed him, and changed the topic, and Phil barely even noticed. She tended to have that effect on him. It wasn’t until hours later that she returned the words. They were sat side by side, their backs against the railing on the side of the ship and their knees pulled up to their chests, hiding together from the light of the moon. 

The words were whispered.

Handed to Phil so softly that he was afraid he’d drop them.

She had said, “I love you.”

She had said, “I can’t live without you.”

Phil had frowned, thinking, That’s not right. I’m the one who can’t live without you.

The words seemed unfitting for Sadie. They weren’t strong and protected and careful. They were soft, unsure, defenseless. 

He remembered the last time she had said the words to him. 

I love you.

He hadn’t been able to say it back. His eyes had been trapped on the red stain that grew across her stomach, his mind racing and his heart stuttering. He couldn’t say it as she had traced a gentle, shaking hand against his cheek. He couldn’t say it when she had held tight to his hand with hers, purposefully ignoring the wound in her abdomen. He couldn’t say it as she sighed out his name and went still.

He said it after she was gone.

Small, broken words. They didn’t mean anything at that point. Small, broken, useless words.

They didn’t matter if no one was around to hear them.

Phil’s mind rewound the memory and he lived it again, urging and begging his younger self to just say the words back. He never did.

Again and again and again and again and still nothing.

“I love you.” She whispered again, and Phil’s eyes widened in horror.

It wasn’t Sadie in his arms anymore. 

It was Dan.

“I love you.” Dan said, and still, Phil could say nothing.

Nothing as the boy’s voice faded. Nothing as his weight dropped in Phil’s arms. Nothing as his eyes flickered closed. 

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, noth——

Gasping, Phil awoke, his eyes shooting open so fast that they stung. 

Oh no, god no, not Dan, please not Dan….!

Slowly, Phil’s mind caught up with him and he gasped for breaths, his arms wrapped around himself as if in comfort, maybe in an attempt to ward of the memory. 

“Dan is fine.” Phil was shocked when he heard tears in his voice as he reassured himself. “Dan is safe, he’s okay, you’re okay.”

His breathing calmed and although his heartbeat still pounded in his chest, Phil was able to bring his panicked mind back into focus. 

A nightmare. Only a bad dream. Not real.

He didn’t believe himself.

He hadn’t been asleep for long. The window betrayed the endings of a sunrise, the blue of the night almost completely faded in to a light orange as the sun made it’s proud ascent. Standing shakily, Phil made his way to the window, pressing the palms of his hands against the cold glass. 

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t keep Dan on the ship forever, trapped and destined to die the way that Phil was. He couldn’t let the boy share the same fate as Phil’s friends, or his father, or Sadie. Dan never deserved this.

Sighing, Phil tilted forward, leaning his forehead on the glass and shutting his eyes, listening to the sound of the waves and forcing the image of his nightmare from his mind. 

Losing Dan in the same way that he has lost Sadie was too much, Phil decided, and although terrified to admit it to himself, Phil knew he had to let Dan go. No more hiding. He had to turn himself in if he wanted to keep at least one of them safe, even though there was little chance of him getting off with his life.

Phil squeezed his eyes closed tighter, his hands forming fists where they touched the glass and he focused on keeping his breathing steady. 

It wasn’t that hard. 

If he turned himself in, then maybe the crew could get off a little easier. Maybe they wouldn’t even be harmed. Maybe they could all get off with a warning.

He sighed.

Maybe the ship would grow wings and fly them all to the moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk about feels. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT!! Also, don't worry, the next chapter should be an exciting one. Thanks to everyone who's stuck with it so far, I still can't believe that some people are still interested in this???? Thank you??? Anyways, leave me comments and kudos because i crave validation from strangers on the internet. :P  
> tumblr: phailingphantastically


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooowie I've been busy. Are any of ya'll actually still interested in this?? I mean wow 21 chapters of pirate nonsense. Anyways, I'M REALLY GLAD IF YOU DO LIKE IT!! You're awesome. Not just because you're reading this. You're just awesome. Accept it. :) Also, this chapter is angsty af.  
> Phil's POV (i promise Dan will get a chapter next)

One would think after years of training and living on a pirate ship would help soften the blow of seeing someone die. 

Phil tried not to think about it as he swung his sword, shouting orders above the deafening sounds of a battle. The ship’s deck was packed, filled with his own men and more that he could not recognize. The level of noise ringing in his ears would have been enough to drive him crazy, had it not been for the focus that he was using in order to stay alive. A whirlwind of thoughts rushed through his mind, but for now he ignored them, his arms moving on their own accord, not even having to actively think about what to do next. He was on autopilot, with his arms moving faster than he could have actively ordered them to without surrendering to his instincts. 

The fight had started out of nowhere. It had been silent, the only sound being that of the water splashing up against the sides of the ship and the slight creak of the wood as the ship settled against the waves. Phil had been well on his way to sleep when the panicked sound of the alarm bell had jerked him from the beginnings of his dream and had him on his feet in seconds. Some ship had come up upon them in the darkness, using the veil of night to creep up and the alarm bell had almost been too late in warning the crew. By the time Phil had gotten out of bed, gotten dressed, and was out the door, most of the crew had already been up and running. 

From over by the main mast, Phil spotted Peej, his jaw set as he took on three enemies at once. That man could handle himself, Phil realized, I wonder where——

Dan.

Where was Dan?

Frantic, Phil turned a complete 180 as he surveyed the frenzied deck of the ship, scanning the ever moving crowds for a glimpse of Dan’s curly hair. There was no way the strong willed boy had decided to sit out the fight, especially not now that he had some training, but Phil knew for a fact that he also wouldn’t be able to handle himself in a fight of this magnitude.

The deck was packed, an ever moving tide of people crashing in to each other as they fought, never ceasing in their movements and never slowing down. The clanging of swords and the occasional crack of a pistol drowned out the shouts of both sides of the fight, making it near impossible to be heard, even while shouting. Normally, Phil would be fine with the chaos; he had practically grown up with it all his life, but Dan hadn’t. He didn’t know that all rules went out the window during raids, and how there would be absolutely no second chances to get his stance correct. God, Phil hoped that Dan was hiding out somewhere, or at least with Chris or another crew member. 

Fighting his way through the sea of people, Phil could feel his heart pounding from apprehension as his mind helpfully supplied every single worst case scenario in which he could find Dan, effectively bringing his breathing rate up to match his heartbeat. 

Finally, his eyes caught Chris from across the deck and he breathed a silent sigh of relief, partially allowing himself to be distracted from the fight around him as he searched for the now easily recognizable mess of curls that he knew belonged to Dan. Dan, Dan, Dan…..where was he? Phil’s searching was for nothing, as there was no sign of the boy nearby.

“Chris!” Phil needed to yell to be heard, even though the two were right next to each other, “Chris!”

“Captain!” Chris happily yelled back, a manic grin on his face as he hacked away at his attackers, “Okay?” Chris had always seemed to enjoy fights like these far more than he probably should.

“I’m fine!” Out of breath now, Phil had to gasp in order to get the words out of his mouth, his desperate mind running in overdrive, “Dan!”

“Who?!”

“Dan!”

“Where is he?!”

Groaning, Phil wished he could roll his eyes, but the constant attack on all sides of him made him refrain from doing so for his own safety. “I don’t know where he is! I thought he was with you!”

Panic rolled on to Chris’ face as he realized what Phil was saying. “Thought he was with you!”

“Damn.” Phil was sure Chris couldn’t hear him, but that didn’t matter. Shoving himself away, he forged forward into the crowd, fighting off pirates left and right and doing his best to ignore the dead stares of his crew members as they lay on the deck, drowning in their own blood. Too much, this was too much right now. He needed Dan, he needed to know that he was alright, but the boy was nowhere to be found.

Panic filled the captain’s mind as he fought, sure that he had gotten a few more scratches and cuts to his skin but he didn’t feel them. He didn’t feel anything. 

He didn’t remember how the rest of the fight went. He didn’t remember fighting any of it. In his mind, he was with Dan and both were safe and sound, back in the quiet, soft evenings that they had shared together in the dim light of the lamps. He focused on seeing Dan, alive and well, instead of everything that his mind was screaming at him to imagine. 

Because honestly, how long could an untrained kid last in an actual raid?

Finally, there was a shout of retreat and it wasn’t from the mouth of one of Phil’s crew. The other men began to filter back to their own ship, still fighting, but obviously defeated and Phil felt a surge of pride as his own crew chased the men until they were back on their ship, still shouting obscenities and threats until the other ship was fading away on the horizon line. It was only then that the crew began to relax, slumping against the railings or going to the many bodies that lay on the deck, pitifully shaking for any chance of life. 

Phil felt sick. Normally, the sight of a dead member of his crew had his throat tightening up at the loss, but now that he was imagining each of them as Dan, he felt physically sick. Surely the boy had to be around somewhere? He left the rest of the crew to clean up, making sure to watch his step as he wandered around the ship. 

“Peej!” 

Pj wasn’t looking that great, with a gaping cut above his eye and a large red stain on his arm. His clothes and skin were littered with cuts and bruises of all shapes and sizes, but Phil had seen him with worse. Momentarily, he felt guilty that he was only going to check up on his friend in search of Dan, until he realized how much worse of Dan would look if Peej was looking this bad. “You don’t happen to know where the kid is, do you?” He did his best to keep the panic out of his voice.

Frowning, Phil shook his head, reaching up to wipe away the blood from the cut that was seeping into his line of sight, “Thought he would be with you, to be honest.”

“Yeah. That’s what Chris said too. Damn.” He fidgeted with the ripped edge of his shirt, noticing how it was soaked in blood, and he wondered if it was his own or somebody else’s.

“I can help you look——?”

Phil just about cried with relief at the words, managing out a nod as the two of them began to search.

It wasn’t a large ship, but it wasn’t exactly small either, and it took longer than Phil would have liked before Dan was found. There, right at the bottom of the ladder that led to the holding cells, lay the boy, completely unconscious and covered in someone’s blood. Phil didn’t want to know who’s.

“Peej!” Phil’s voice cracked, but he didn’t care, “Peej, down here! Oh god, oh god, oh god…..”

Images flashed through his mind, showing off the perfect mirror image of Sadie’s body next to Dan’s. It was almost exactly alike, from the bloodied shirt to the striking black eye that painted their faces……only Dan’s leg seemed to be facing the wrong way.

“Dan!” The boy didn’t move as Phil climbed down the ladder, landing next to him softly and pulling the teenager in to his arms. “Dan? It’s Phil,” He gently shook the kid, his hands shaking to the point where he almost dropped him. “Dan, please, I’m right here, please be okay.” Hand coming up to automatically run through the boy’s hair, Phil held him tightly, still murmuring encouragement to wake up.

Peej arrived, sucking in a breath at the sight of Phil gently cradling Dan in his arms, but he said nothing of it, only crouching down to help carry the boy back up to the captain’s cabin. Phil was numb, his voice having ceased to work and his mind running on an endless loop of ‘protect Dan, keep him safe’ as he and Pj lifted the boy up to the deck. 

Dan was motionless the entire trip, only moving once they were safely back in Phil’s cabin and having been gently placed on the bed. It wasn’t much, a vague whisper of Phil’s name and a tug of a smile on the corner of his lips that broke Phil’s heart, before Dan passed out again.

“Peej, where’s Harker?” Phil asked urgently. The doctor always seemed to be everywhere when he wasn’t needed, and yet gone when he was. Phil decided they might need a new doctor on the ship. “Peej!”

“Relax, we don’t need Harker for this.” The curly haired man was leaning over Dan, examining his face and chest where he had torn the shirt open, “It’s not as bad as it seems. Blood’s not his.”

You should be able to handle this, Phil chided himself, You should be able to tell what’s wrong, why’d you freeze up?

“Broken leg it seems.” Pj continued, gently touching over where Dan’s leg was twisted. “And…..” He gently pressed against Dan’s side and the kid let out a groan of pain. “Probably a broken rib, and some injury on his back. I’ll call Harker in when he’s free, I don’t trust myself with fixing a hurt back. Other than that, he’ll be okay.” He watched Phil curiously as the captain dropped down on to the bed, letting out a long breath. “Phil? I said he’s going to be fine.”

“I know.” Phil sighed, “I know.”

His mind was with Sadie. He wished the words ‘going to be fine’ would apply to her as well.

“I’m going to check how things are going out there.” Peej, level headed as always, gestured towards the door. “I’ll let you know how it’s going.”

Nodding again, Phil kept his eyes on the floor, silently thanking Peej for knowing exactly what to do. “You’d be a better captain than I am.” He muttered to the floor, knowing his friend was still listening. 

“Perhaps, perhaps not.” The door shut behind him and Phil was left alone with Dan. 

Immediately, he reached out a hand to touch to the side of Dan’s face, then gently combing through the boy’s mess of curls. “You scared me.” He said softly, and was surprised to see a faint smile cross over Dan’s features.

“Sorry.” The boy mumbled, the word said carefully around his split lip, “Didn’t mean to.”

Phil laughed quietly, ignoring the lump of relief in his throat when he heard Dan speak and continuing to comb his hand through Dan’s hair as he felt the other leaning in to the touch. “You’re gonna be okay,” He assured Dan and himself. “Just a few cuts, you’ll be fine.”

Dan smiled softly, but it quickly turned into a grimace of pain, “Ah, ah leg.” He managed, his teeth gritted and his eyes squeezing shut. 

“Right, and maybe a dislocated knee .” Phil amended, getting up from the bed. He didn’t mention the rib or back yet. “Have you ever dislocated a bone before?” Finally, the panic from before had ceased and Phil was able to once again think logically.

Dan shook his head, “I broke my arm when I was nine.”

“Good, this will hurt a lot less than that did.” Phil assured him, pulling out a knife to cut off the leg of Dan’s pants, knee down. His knee was definitely dislocated, but thankfully, nothing Phil couldn’t handle. He knew it would hurt like hell, though.

Grabbing the strongest rum he could find in the cabin, he quickly and neatly poured a generous amount to a small glass, handing it off to Dan. “It’ll distract from the pain, trust me.”

“We’re doing it now?” Dan squeaked, taking the glass but looking faintly ill. “Can’t we wait for a doctor?”

“What, you don’t trust me? I’ve done this loads of times.” Phil smirked, “Drink your rum.”

Dan did, grimacing and choking as it went down. “What the hell is that!?” He yelped, and Phil chucked, “It tastes like….like….”

“Death?” Phil supplied, “Yes, but you get used to it.”

“I don’t ever wanna get used to that.” Dan mumbled, but the tension in his shoulders was slowly easing up. “Ugh.”

“Alright, here.” Phil handed Dan a thick, leather belt and motioned to put it between his teeth. “So you don’t bite off your tongue.”

Dan couldn’t seem to tell if Phil was joking or not, but he did so anyway. 

“On three, ready?”

Dan shook his head as Phil put his hands on Dan’s leg.

“Relax, I’ve done this before. One.” He saw Dan shut his eyes, “Two, three!” He pushed and there was a pop as Dan’s knee was placed back to where it should be, and Dan yelled, the belt doing almost nothing to quiet him. “There we go, see?” Phil stepped back to admire his handiwork. “All better.”

The boy was almost doubled up in pain and Phil guiltily remembered the broken rib and hurt back. Shit.

“Okay, okay, lets see that.” Gently, he sat Dan up, doing his best to ignore the shallow breaths and grimaces of pain. He poked around Dan’s ribs for a while until he felt one of them give and Dan practically collapse against him. “Alright there we go, calm down.” He didn’t like seeing Dan in pain. “I have bandages here somewhere.” Wandering around the cabin, Phil mentally patted himself on the back at his calm, cool demeanor. Good job Phil. 

“What’s a bandage gonna do?” Dan managed, his posture oddly straight so as to put the least amount of pressure on his rib, but leaning slightly to his left against the pain in his back. “It’s on the inside.”

Rolling his eyes, Phil came back to the bed, bandage in hand. “It’s not like there’s much else we can do.”

He made quick work of bandaging up the boy, doing his best to ignore their proximity and how he could feel Dan’s pounding heart as he finished up. “You okay?” He asked, and Dan, trooper that he was, offered a smile. “Not really, no.”

Phil’s eyes widened, “What’s wrong, does it hurt? Maybe I did it wrong….”

“No, no bandages are fine.” Dan assured him, fighting off a yawn. “Just a little spooked, is all.”

“How’s your back?”

Dan hesitated, obviously not wanting any more help than he was already being given, but he sighed in defeat under Phil’s intense gaze. “It hurts. A lot. If I don’t move, then it’s okay.”

Sighing, Phil nodded. “Tell me if the bandages feel wrong or something.” He stood, “The doctor will be in later, I need you to be honest with him so that he can help, okay?” Dan nodded. “Good. I need to check up on the rest of the crew, I’ve been away long enough.” He guiltily glanced over at the window where he could see at least an hour had passed since he and Pj had brought Dan in. “I’ll be back soon, will you be okay?”

Dan nodded, sinking back into the pillows a little. “I’ll be fine. Go do your captain stuff or whatever.” He yawned. “Thanks for, y’now, fixing me.”

Phil chuckled softly, “Anytime, Dan.”

By the time he left the room, Dan was already asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST FEST!!! Hope you liked, we'll be getting a whole lot of hurt/comfort in the next chapter so look forward to that. Thanks for the lovely feedback, as always, I LOVE hearing from you! :)   
> tumblr: phailingphantastically  
> Also, anybody out there thinking about doing NaNoWriMo?? If you are hmu, we can be writing buddies!!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH my god, SORRY I disappeared!! I've had a busy past two weeks, plus I'm trying to plan for NaNoWriMo and school YIKES. Anyways, here's another chapter, sorry it's kinda short, I wrote it in like, half an hour. Thanks for sticking with this!!!

It had been a few days since the fight. Dan was still trapped in Phil’s room, or, more specifically, in Phil’s bed. The captain had insisted on taking the couch, as Dan had found it painful to even move; his back acting up whenever he so much as stood up. 

“Phil, I’m fine.” Dan had insisted multiple times that he could easily sleep in the hammocks with the rest of the crew, but Phil was sure that it would make the injured back even worse. Once Pj had reluctantly agreed with the captain that Dan should have a still surface to sleep on, Phil had been impossible to convince otherwise. “I’m not going to die. Besides,” He shuffled around a little until he was able to sit up against the pillows. “I’m bored. There’s nothing to do here and I’ve left Chris to work by himself. I should probably go help him.” He made a move to get up, but Phil only watched him with an unamused stare from where he sat at the desk, simply waiting for the inevitable rush of pain that standing up would cause. It wasn’t the first time Dan had tried to escape.

“If you injure yourself further, you’ll have to stay there longer.” He reminded the teenager simply. “Besides, it’s too dark outside for Chris to be doing anything, much less needing your help.” He went back to work, ignoring Dan’s determined effort to leave the bed until the boy eventually gave up and sunk back against the pillows, defeated. “Did you hurt your back?”

Dan shook his head, obviously lying as he shifted around, trying to get comfortable. “What the hell am I supposed to do? I’m not tired enough to fall asleep.”

“Read?” Phil suggested, not looking up but pointing to the small pile of books by the bed. “Not talk?”

Dan scowled, spreading his arms out so that the tips of his fingers hung off the bed. “I’m going to die of boredom.”

“You do that.” Phil murmured, not even listening. “Have fun.”

“Phiiiiiiiil.” Dan wished he could get up so that he could pester the man more. Doing so from a few feet away just wasn’t cutting it. “Talk to me. I’m bored.”

“I’m busy.”

“You’re just writing.”

Phil sighed, placing the pen down on the desk and tilting his chin up at the teenager and resting his cheek against two fingers, obvious annoyance on his face. He didn’t say anything, only watched Dan with a deeply unamused expression until Dan grumbled and went back to picking at the blankets, a frown etched into his features. 

Silence took over for a while before Phil rolled his eyes, getting up and making his way over to the bed and sitting down with an annoyed huff. “Look, Dan, I know you’re frustrated that you’re stuck here, and I’m sorry. I really am, I never wanted you to get hurt like this, especially not on my watch.” He didn’t meet the teenagers eyes, instead choosing to study the thick woolen blanket that covered the bed. “I’m sorry.”

“What? Phil you have no reason to apologize to me.” Dan was incredulous. “Are you kidding?”

Phil looked up, his features morose. “No? I should have been looking out for you.”

“Shit, do you really think I need looking after?” Frustration shone through his words, “Phil, I’m not a child, I can take care of myself.”

“Obviously.” Phil looked pointedly to the bandages on Dan’s chest and the boy had the good grace to blush. “Listen. It may or may not be my fault what happened to you, but I feel guilty nonetheless.”

“You feel guilty!?” 

Phil flinched.

“I took your bed, you idiot! I’m stuck here and I’m bugging you because I don’t have anything to do and you’re stuck with it until I heal up!” Dan paused for a breath, “I feel bad, is all. I’m annoying and it’s obvious that you pity me.”

“What?” Smiling softly, Phil sat up straighter. “Is that what this is all about? You think that I pity you?”

“You do, don’t you?” Dan knew he looked petulant, his brows furrowed and his arms crossed, but he didn’t care. “That’s why I’m here and not the sick bay.”

Phil blushed. “You’re here because your wounds were more serious than some of the other patients.” It was an obvious lie, but he pushed onward. “Look. I don’t pity you, Dan. Nor am I doing anything because I feel bad for you. Is that good enough for you?”

Dan nodded slowly, his eyes staying on the captain. 

“Good.” He made a move to stand, but Dan’s hand immediately shot out and grabbed his arm and Phil raised an eyebrow. 

“Yes?”

“Could you, uh,” Dan dropped his hand, instead reaching up to play with his hair as he struggled to finish his sentence. “Could you stay?” He didn’t meet Phil’s eyes.

“Stay?” Phil was obviously confused, “With you?” 

Damn, Dan thought, he does not sound pleased.

“I mean, only if you wanted to. I-I know the couch isn’t that comfortable and I feel bad for taking your bed.” He shook his head and swallowed, “Never mind, I’m sorry, I’ll shut up.”

“Wait, Dan.” Phil smiled softly. “Calm down, of course I’ll stay with you.”

Glancing up, he watched as Phil stood up from the bed and went to the other side, sitting down on top of the blankets and reaching out a gentle hand to take Dan’s. “Okay?”

Dan nodded, unable to speak with his heart in his throat, and shifted until he was more comfortable, not letting go of Phil’s hand once. Phil felt safe, like the solidarity of holding onto something still while being tossed around in the waves, and it wasn’t until their hands were intertwined that Dan realized how very much he liked the feel of it. Turning on his side, he shifted closer, holding Phil’s hand tight in his and pressing it near his chest. 

This. This is what true happiness and security must feel like, Dan reasoned. Vaguely, he felt a gentle hand begin to run through his hair and after that, it barely took a few minutes for him to fall asleep, the feeling of safety holding him close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowza how cute. THANKS FOR READING!! I hope you liked it. Thanks again for sticking with this for so long, I can't believe this is still going on. I'll need to hurry up and finish it soon if I want to get it done before nano. Anyways, love you all lots!! and thanks for all the nice comments that you've all left, you all make me really happy!!   
> tumblr: phailingphantasticly


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys look at me uploading a chapter on time!! It's pretty much pure fluff, so enjoy!! Also, I have something to ask you all as to where this story is going to stick around for the end notes!!

Phil wasn’t entirely sure as to why he was currently being held, but he had no objections to it.

The person in his arms burrowed closer and Phil reciprocated, his own arms tightening around the sleeping form until he finally opened his eyes. It was Dan in his arms.

As the memories from the night before came back to him, the scenario at hand began to make sense. Why Phil was half under a pile of blankets that were being hogged by Dan and why there was a very comfortable, warm, attractive person in his arms, and Phil didn’t really mind the wake up all too much. 

Leaning back, he gazed down at the sleeping Dan, taking in his unruly mess of curls that the teenager had taken a knife to a month ago when they got too long. He smiled as he watched the dim light of the sunrise light up the boy’s face, his long lashes creating shadows that crossed over his high cheekbones and a faint, barely visible tug of a smile at his lips. If Phil thought of Dan as attractive normally, waking up beside him in the morning sun made Dan a god, almost too good to look at. 

Unfair, Phil thought to himself, smiling fondly down at the boy. Not even Sirens can be as beautiful as this. 

Dan shifted a little in his sleep, and Phil took the moment to press a small kiss to the side of his forehead, taking advantage of the fact that he wouldn’t have to deal with the awkward repercussions. It wasn’t like the two of them hadn’t kissed before. It had happened on a few occasions, although neither had spoken about it afterward, so Phil was left at a loss when it came to what he meant to Dan.

Did Dan feel the same tug in his chest whenever their eyes met? Did his hands shake with the need to hold the other close whenever they brushed against each other? Did he lose sleep when it came time for bed, wishing against everything that they were together?

Phil sighed. He had fallen for Dan and he had fallen hard, even more so than he had with Sadie, and the thought disturbed him. 

You’re supposed to be an unmovable, unstoppable, captain of the high seas, He chided himself, You’re not supposed to fall in love with your hostages.

Fall in love?

Was he in love?

Beside him, Dan curled ever closer, his hand sweeping across the pillow and Phil threaded his fingers through Dan’s, gently rubbing his thumb over the boy’s fingers. 

Was this love?

Phil imagined waking up to this every morning, imagined falling asleep to the even sound of Dan’s breathing, imagined sharing everything with each other——and he couldn’t think of anything that would make him happier. Is that what love was? Contentment with just being near each other? 

“Phil?”

Startled out of his thoughts, the captain shook his head, realizing that he had been staring aimlessly down at Dan. The latter was still waking up, his eyes squinting closed against the sunrise and his lips already curving into a small smile.

“Morning.” Phil squeezed Dan’s hand in his own and the boy frowned at their hands. “How’d you sleep?”

He shrugged, “As good as you can sleep with an injured back.” He grimaced, “And leg. And countless bruises.” He shifted a little, although he didn’t let go of Phil’s hand. “Were you watching me?”

“Um,” Phil blushed, “I wasn’t meaning to…”

Laughing a little, Dan rolled over so that his face was mostly hidden in the pillow, only his eye peeking out. “It’s okay. I like watching you too.”

The words, although as simple as anything, meant the world. Phil’s chest felt full and he leaned closer to lay his head on Dan’s pillow as well, their noses close to touching. “Yeah?”

Dan nodded, still hiding, but there was an obvious dusting of pink on his cheeks and his eyes were crinkled with a smile. 

For that little moment, Phil could’ve sworn that the planets had aligned or some shit, because never in his life had anything felt more right. He was acutely aware of how close he was to Dan, of how his disarray of curls cast shadows over his cheeks, of how their legs were tangled together under the blankets——everything felt so goddamn right that it was hard to believe that he had gone for so long without feeling this. It hadn’t been like this with Sadie. Sadie was everything fast and strong and powerful, never slowing down, never stopping for anyone. It had been wonderful and exciting and forbidden, but this was something completely different. Where Sadie was rough and forceful, Dan was soft and kind. Where she was adventurous, he preferred late night talks over tea and biscuits. He was fragile and strong simultaneously, the perfect balance of snark and kindness, and Phil was lost in him. Completely, utterly, and wonderfully, fucking lost in him.

“Phil?”

“Hm?” 

“You’re squeezing my hand really hard.” Dan was amused, but there was a sliver of concern in his eyes that made Phil’s heart melt. “I mean, um, don’t let go, but I’m kind of losing circulation, you know?”

Phil loosened his grip on Dan’s hand, watching in fascination as the smile on Dan’s face grew. 

God help him. He was so screwed.

“Are you alright? I kind of lost you for a moment there.” 

“I’m good.” Phil really was. “I’m better than good.”

Satisfied with the promise, Dan turned on his side to now face Phil instead of hiding in his pillow. Hair smashed upwards on one side and half his face red from being pressed into the pillow, Phil swore he had never seen anything more beautiful. He was filled with an odd pang of regret at his complete lack of artistic talents, wishing that he could capture the moment in it’s wonderful, raw, loveliness. He made up his mind right then and there that he would do absolutely anything in his power to make sure that Dan was always be safe and cared for. He couldn’t stand the thought of someone or something ever making that soft smile go away.

“You’re beautiful, Dan Howell.” He said softly, only noticing that he had said the words aloud when Dan’s cheeks went a furious scarlet and his eyes widened considerably.

“What?” Dan was incredulous. 

Surely he had to know. How could someone so stunning not know that they were?

“I said,” Phil swallowed, realizing that there was no way he could take back what he said and mean it. “That you’re beautiful.” He smiled as Dan’s lips parted into a small ‘o’ of surprise. “I could get lost in you, I think I already have, to be honest, and I never want to be found.” 

“Mmnot beautiful.” Dan mumbled, not meeting Phil’s eyes and Phil doubted he had ever seen someone blush as much as Dan.

“You are though.”

“No.” He rolled over, hiding his face once more from Phil, but his bright red ear was still visible. “I’m not. Stop calling me that.”

Leaning closer, Phil pushed Dan’s hair away from his face so that his forehead was partially visible. Slowly, he pressed a tentative kiss to the boy’s skin, his hand still running through the mess of curls. 

Dan froze. 

Putting his face right next to Dan’s, Phil managed to squeeze another kiss right on top of his cheekbone. As Dan finally turned to face Phil, the captain smiled and pressed another kiss to Dan’s nose. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Dan’s response was considerably softer than Phil’s. 

Wetting his lips, Phil watched in amusement as Dan’s eyes tracked the movement with intense concentration. Fuck, he was so beautiful. 

“Dan?”

“Mm?” He was distracted.

“Can I kiss you?”

Finally looking up to stare Phil straight in the eyes, Dan nodded. The gap between them felt miles wide, but within less than a second, it was breached.

Fireworks didn’t even begin to describe it.

This, Phil thought, This is love.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t kissed before. Late nights when they had been awake for far too long, an accidental brush of the lips when they got too close while training—this was nothing like any of them. It was sure, slow, and completely intentional, and Phil wondered why it had taken them this long to actually getting around to it. His focus was locked on small details, the way one of Dan’s hands was clutching tightly to Phil’s shirt or how they were still laying down and kissing in the most uncomfortable position or how the sunrise streamed through the window, setting the whole room aglow.

Finally pulling back, Dan gazed up at Phil, amazement in his eyes. “Oh my god.”

Phil laughed, “Yeah, that about sums it up.”

He reached out a hand to gently brush over Dan’s forehead, sweeping away his curls and the younger closed his eyes to the touch, leaning into Phil’s hand. 

“Hey, Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“You can call be beautiful if you want to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyy what'd you think? Okay, question time. Sooo I started this fic and I thought it would be like, three chapters long. As you can see, that did not go to plan. Much longer than I expected it to be. Oops. Anyways, this meant I had absolutely no planning and (in case you haven't already noticed) this fic is full of plot holes. I have an ending mapped out, but it doesn't completely tie up all the loose ends so I'm not sure anyone would be completely satisfied with it. It would probably happen in about three chapters (the end I mean). OR I can write more, make this monster of a fic even longer, and do my best to fix plot holes and actually write some sense into this mess. Tell me you guys think!! If you're sick of this and want it to end, tell me!! If you are actually enjoying this, tell me!!  
> As always, ya'll are the best and I love you allllllllll!  
> tumblr: phailingphantasticly


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating a day early today yay!!! I'm going to be gone all week so next week might be a day late as well oops. This is Dan's POV (I keep forgetting to say that before each chapter) The chapter is kinda short, please forgive that. Busy week. ENJOY!!!

Love was a strange thing, Dan realized, peeking up from where he sat with Chris, cleaning out the cannons. Phil was on deck by the wheel, deep in conversation with Pj and completely oblivious to Dan’s gaze. Love made Dan want to constantly be with Phil, and even when they were together, he wanted to be closer. Love made him lose sleep, dejectedly wishing that he was injured again so that he could go back to sleeping with Phil in that unnecessarily comfortable bed. Love made him unable to focus on mundane tasks, such as his chores, when Phil was anywhere nearby.

Chris wasn’t oblivious. 

“Howell!”

“Mm?”

“Jesus, Dan, I’ve been talking for ten minutes, did you hear a word of what I said?”

Dan nodded slowly, hoping that Chris wouldn’t ask him to repeat any of his rant. He didn’t remember a word. “Yes.”

“No, you haven’t,” Chris sighed, “I haven’t been talking, dimwit.”

“Right. Sorry.” Dan squeezed his eyes shut in annoyance at himself. Honestly, this was becoming ridiculous. He was constantly distracted, and he had no one to blame but himself. “I’m just—”

“Yeah, I know,” Phil made doe eyes at Dan, pouting his lips, “Phil’s just so handsome and strong and I can’t keep my mind off him!” 

Dan went bright red.

“Oh Phil, lets run away together! Our love can withstand anything!”

“Chris!”

Pj had approached without either of them knowing and Dan looked around frantically to make sure Phil was nowhere nearby. 

“What’s up, Peej?” Chris asked happily, feigning nonchalance 

Pj looked annoyed, “Get back to work, lazy asses.” He scowled at the half cleaned cannon. “Honestly, I don’t see how you can take this much time to finish up a single task.”

“Sorry,” Chris didn’t sound sorry. “I was doing all the work myself. Heart eyes Howell over here hasn’t done a thing.”

Dan opened his mouth in protest, a defense already coming to mind, but he closed it when he realized that it was true. “Shut up.” He mumbled, beginning to scrub away at the cannon again. “I was working.”

“Mhm.” Pj obviously didn’t believe him. “Listen, once you’re done with this, I need you to get to to work on the ropes by the crows nest.” He jerked his thumb upwards at the mast. “That is, if you’re done staring at the captain at that point.”

Chris snorted and Dan internally scowled down at the cannon, his cheeks aflame. 

“I’ll get right on it.” He growled, not looking up at either of them as he continued his work.

“Leave him alone.” Chris laughed, “Can’t you see he’s obviously working? Let him do his job.”

“Alright, alright.” Peej clapped Chris on the shoulder, all previous annoyance with him gone. “Get to work, the both of you. Don’t think I’ll go easy on either of your asses because I like you.”

“You like me?!” Chris was on his feet in an instant, grabbing Pj in both arms and craning his neck to press a kiss to his lips. “I never thought this day would come! I do, Ligouri, I do!”

“Get the hell off me!”

Dan laughed, relieved that the subject had moved off of him, at least for the moment, and watched his friends wrestle with each other. Friends. Never did he think that that word would apply to pirates, and yet here he was. 

When Pj finally won, he straightened his jacket, leaving the two of them behind with a ‘grow up’ muttered under his breath. 

*****

“Hey, Phil?”

“Hmm?”

“What were you and Peej talking about today? By the wheel? It looked serious.”

Dan was lying on the couch in Phil’s room, reading one of Phil’s books while the captain stressed over the papers spread over his desk. They had taken to spending evenings together whenever Dan didn’t have a night watch and Dan would be lying if he said that it wasn’t his favorite part of the day. The calm, relaxed, domestic feeling that filled the room was enough to keep Dan smiling far after he had gone back to his hammock later that night. 

Phil looked up from his papers, his eyebrows raised in a way that he had only just heard Dan’s voice. “I’m sorry?”

“You and Peej.” He fiddled with the worn out pages of the book. “You were talking about something today and it looked serious.”

“Oh.” Phil blinked and then realization flooded his features as he remembered. “Oh! Yes, we were talking, but it was of nothing of importance. Just some captain-y matters.” He smiled at Dan, a fond smile that instantly filled Dan with warmth. “Don’t worry about it.”

Dan nodded, chewing on his lip because Phil wasn’t a good liar, and something in his words felt off to Dan. If he wasn’t suspecting anything before, he definitely was now. Although he wanted to push Phil for more information, Dan didn’t say anything. The calm, friendly demeanor of the room was too perfect to mess up now; he’s ask later. 

Instead, Dan put his book down. “Hey Phil?”

Again, Phil looked up. “Yeah?”

“Come here?”

Eyebrows furrowing, Phil put his pen down and stood, “Are you okay?”

Dan rolled his eyes, “Yes, I’m fine. Just come here.”

As soon as Phil was close enough, Dan stood up so that their noses were practically touching. “Hello.” He smiled happily at the immediate brightening of Phil’s features. Leaning forwards to eliminate the space between them, Dan pressed a chaste kiss to Phil’s lips, moving away before the other man even had time to kiss back. “You looked stressed.” He said, as a way of explaining himself. “Also I missed you.” 

The next kiss was ruined with smiles.

*****

Dan and Pj were friends. 

At least that’s what Dan was hoping for as he approached the man, a single question on his mind.

“Hey, Peej?” 

The man turned, an unreadable expression on his face that quickly made Dan regret his choice of people to talk to. “Yeah?”

“I…um…how are you?” Pleasantries. Way to go, Howell.

“I’m….good.” Peej was frowning. “How are you?”

Dan nodded, swallowing, “I’m good.”

Silence took over and Dan felt himself die a little bit inside. 

“Was there a point that you were going for here?” Pj was obviously confused. “Because if not….”

“Phil!”

“I’m Pj.”

“No, I know,” Dan took in a breath. “I just wanted to know if Phil ever talks about me?” Sweet Jesus, this was coming out all wrong. “I—I mean—”

Pj laughed. “Calm down Howell, I get it.” He glanced around before leaning closer, “Phil doesn’t talk to me about you kid, but I’ll tell you one thing.” He offered a friendly smile, “I haven’t seen him this happy in years. Honestly.”

Dan’s heart swelled. “Really?”

Pj nodded. 

“Oh.” 

“You’re making him better, Howell. I don’t know what you’re doing or how you’re doing it, but it’s working. Phil’s been through alot and it means a lot to see him smiling this much.” He messed up Dan’s hair, “You’re doing good kid. You’re doing good.”

He walked off, leaving Dan standing with eyes wide and a heart full of something he couldn’t quite place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooOOOOOOoooOOOOOOoooo huh? huh? Thoughts? Anywho, THANK YOU GUYS so much for all the wonderful comments they literally make my day and I think about them all week. Sorry if I don't respond to them all, but I do my best!! I think you all are wonderful and I love you and you're awesome. Have a good week!!  
> tumblr: phailingphantasticly
> 
> Guess who still doesn't have a plot line for NaNo.  
> Yep. Me.   
> What's a writer to do??


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it's TECHNICALLY still saturday, so I'm not late!! Also, I'm frikkin exhausted. My family got home from a week long cruise today and I went to a writing kick off for NaNoWriMo and I'm SERIOUSLY lacking in sleep. Anyways. Here's another chapter. Dan's POV for this chapter. Enjoy!

It was a cloudy day. The clouds were frustrated—not yet angry, but stewing with the consideration of a storm. 

Dan had been recruited by Chris to help out with repairs around the ship, something that he had no interest in, but agreed to for lack of anything else to do. He trailed behind his friend, listening to the constant stream of conversation that he was in no way a part of and did his best to not look too bored, lest Pj find him something else to do. He preferred mundane work with a friend to something done on his own, perhaps a more exciting job, such as climbing the rigging to check for frayed ropes. 

“—of the cells was damaged,” Chris was saying, waving a small sack of tools so that Dan could see them. “Got it?”

Dan nodded, although he hadn’t been listening. He was getting good at figuring things out on sight, as he tended to get lost in his thoughts for most of the time. “Got it.” 

“Now then.” Chris stood in front of the line of cells that took up most of the space in the room. “I mean, they all look pretty messed up to me, but I think the main focus is the one back there.” He pointed to the back of the room where a single cells stood, the door practically hanging off it’s hinges.

Oh.

Oh.

Suddenly, Dan remembered the last time he had been down in the room. Phil. The man. 

Oh god, where the hell was he?

“Dan?”

Dan hadn’t realized that he was on the floor until Chris was crouched in front of him, the bag of tools long forgotten on the floor nearby. All Dan could see was Chris, which he was grateful for; he didn’t think he’d be able to look at the empty cell again without panicking.

“Dan? What happened?” Chris knew nothing about what had happened, of course he was worried. 

Dan shook his head. “I tripped.” He knew it wasn’t believable, but Chris only nodded. 

“Alright.” He moved to stand up, and as he did, the cell became visible again and Dan flinched. “Woah there, not alright.” He helped Dan stand up, guiding him towards the ladder. 

“Chris, ‘m fine.” Dan muttered, feeling relief wash over him as he felt the light from the sky touch his skin. 

“I know you’re fine.” Chris hadn’t taken his hand off the small of Dan’s back as he climbed the ladder. “We’re just going to see Phil to make sure you’re fine, because I feel like I don’t know what’s going on here.”

Right. Phil. Phil could help, right?

They made it to the captain’s room, and Chris knocked on the door, his other hand still providing a reassuring touch to Dan. “Calm down, you’re okay.” 

The door opened and Phil’s smile quickly turned into worry when he saw Dan. “What happened.” It wasn’t a question.

“We were doing repairs.” Chris explained, “He saw the cells and freaked out, fell down and everything.” To a stranger, one wouldn’t be able to tell that Chris was worried, but the slight tremble of his hand against Dan’s back and the wideness in his eyes gave him away. “I don’t know what happened.”

Dan was angry. Phil had to know about this, but why hadn’t he said anything? Shouldn’t Dan have been the first person to tell when Phil had found out?

“Thank you, Chris. I can handle this.” Phil sounded deathly calm, and Dan’s heart rate jumped. Why was he so nervous? It was just Phil.

Nodding, Chris finally let go of Dan. “All good, right man?” He was worried.

“All good.” Dan managed out, before Phil pulled him into the room and shut the door behind them. 

“Dan—”

“What the hell, Phil.” The words were out before Dan could stop them. “He’s been missing for how long, and you didn’t even think to tell me?!”

“Dan, calm down.” 

“No! Where the hell is he?”

“I don’t know.”

“You have to know!”

“Dan…”

How long has he been free?” He ignored the gentle hands that Phil had reached towards him. 

Phil sighed, dropping his hands. “Since the fight.”

Dan’s jaw dropped. “Since the fight?! That was ages ago!” His hands found his hair, pulling roughly even though it hurt. His mind was a maze of thoughts and he didn’t want to get lost. “Why. Didn’t. You. Tell me.” 

“If you’ll calm down—”

“Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Because I didn’t want this to happen!” Although he yelled, there was no anger in Phil’s voice. At least none that was aimed at Dan. “I knew you’d freak out, and I did my best to prevent that.”

“Well, you did a pretty shit job there, I gotta say.”

“Please, calm down…” Phil looked so tired. He looked older too. “Listen. He got away during the fight. Since I’ve had the ship searched and we haven’t stopped for port since then, he must have gotten away on the other ship. It’s the only explanation.”

Dan deflated. 

Of course there was nothing he could do. What had he been expecting? Feeling Phil beside him, he allowed himself to be guided to the couch, where he was pulled tight in Phil’s arms. He had gotten away. How had someone so horrible been able to get away that easily?

Phil’s hand came up to pet Dan’s hair, soothing the tangles and effectively slowing the harsh breaths of his panic.

“I’m sorry.” Phil said softly, pressing his nose against Dan’s temple. “I should have told you right away.” 

They were so tangled together, limbs over and under each other and heartbeats held together. 

“I’m sorry,” Another kiss, this time to his cheek. 

The massage through his curls continued, gently taking away the tension that was trapped in Dan’s mind. 

Another kiss. On his jaw.

Dammit, Dan had been planning on staying mad at Phil.

Now one on his lips.

Who was he kidding, there was no way he could stay mad at Phil. Not over something like this. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” 

They were messy and tangled and sorry and forgiving and it was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh??? Thoughts??? I actually kind of liked the end of this chapter tbh. To be completely honest, I had forgotten about the whole incident with Dan and the other guy until someone commented saying how they were wondering what happened to the guy. Anywho. I love you all dearly and you're super wonderful and great and loved!! Also, NaNoWriMo will have started by the time I post another chapter, so to all of you crazy writers doing that this year, GOOD LUCK!! May you write quickly and wonderfully!!  
> tumblr: phailingphantasticly  
> Oh. Guess who just got a physical copy of their short story???? C'est MOI!!! It's not huge but it's a start. I got a short story published in the NaNoWriMo anthology this year!! It's called Dear Stranger if any of ya'll happen to have it lol. Idk. I'm happy. OKAY BYE!!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MID WEEK UPDATE WHAT  
> Okay, so. I already have quite a few chapters written already and I only need to actually write like, two more before it's over so I'm thinking, why not post more this week since this fic REFUSES TO END. Anywho. Hope you like it!! This chapter is half Dan half Phil POV which is new and exciting :D

Dan hadn’t set foot on solid ground in over a year, and when he did, he almost fell over. 

“Why does the ground feel like it’s moving, but it doesn’t when I’m on an actual moving ship?” He asked Chris, doing his best to follow the man as they made their way into town. Since Phil had ordered that none of the crew raid the town or anything of the sort, as they were trying to keep a low profile, he had sent some of the less recognizable members of his crew. This meant both Phil and Pj were left on the boat while Chris and Dan got to go ashore to buy more supplies. 

“You’re used to living on the water.”

“How come you’re walking straight then?”

Chris shrugged, “I’m used to both. Now come on, we have a shopping list.” He had a small scrap of paper, on which was written a list of supplies that the ship had been running low on. “If we get this done fast, maybe we’ll have the rest of the day off.”

“You mean you’ll get the rest of the day off.” Dan corrected, “I only work part time, I’m always getting ‘the rest of the day off’.”

“Yeah, but that’s only cause you’re sleeping with the captain.” Chris shot back, his tone of voice far too cheerful to match his words. 

“What? I—I’m not—” Dan couldn’t get his words out. “I’m not.”

“Mhm.” Chris knew he had won by the flustered blush of his friend. “Anyways. We need flour.”

“I’m not sleeping with Phil.” Dan muttered, knowing full well that there was nothing he could say in response to Chris’ jab without sounding childish. 

“This way.” Chris pointed towards the marketplace. 

*****

People were staring at Dan. 

Everywhere they went, shop owners, people shopping, kids running on the streets—they watched Dan like he was some sort of creature they had never seen before. Eyes followed him and friends pointed him out to each other, and by the time they were halfway through their list, Dan was beginning to regret leaving the ship. 

“Chris, have I got something on my face or something?”

“You’re a adorable as ever.” Chris reassured him, not looking up from the list. “I promise.”

“People keep staring.”

“So did Phil. You’re cute, Howell, face it.”

Dan rolled his eyes, but he still felt nervous. Why was he attracting so much attention?

It took about another half hour before he finally figured it out. 

A poster.

Nailed to the side of an inn, a scrap of paper was left, floating slightly in the warm breeze. It was him. 

A strange mixture of despair and hope washed over him, settling in the pit of his stomach as he reached up to tear the poster off the wall to get a closer look. 

Missing. Daniel Howell, age 18.

A crudely drawn picture of Dan was underneath, a few small details wrong, but it was definitely him. And there was a considerable monetary reward. 

They were looking for him. It had been over a year, almost a year and a half, and they were still looking for him.

“Chris.”

The pirate was a few steps ahead, but he stopped when Dan called his name.

“Chris!”

Chasing him down, Dan shoved the paper into his hands, swallowing hard. They were still looking for him. 

“This you, Howell?” Chris was incredulous. “Who the hell’s still looking for you?”

“They’re still looking.” Was all Dan could get out. “Still. It’s been a year and a half and they’re still looking for me—”

“Hey, kid, calm down. Of course they’re still looking for you. You’re their little pride and joy.” Chris messed up Dan’s hair a little and it stood up, reaching for the clouds. “You know we gotta show Phil, right?”

“I know.”

“You can tell him.”

“It’s been so long, Chris.” Dan told him, desperation obvious in his voice. “It still says that I’m 18. I’ve changed so much since I’ve seen them, I’m so different.” 

“Change is good, kiddo.” The poster was handed back to Dan, who shoved it in his jacket pocket to look over later. “Sometimes it’s needed.” He walked past Dan, clapping a hand on his shoulder as he went. “Let’s go back, yeah? Still got stuff on this damn list.” He flicked the paper in his hand. 

*****

PHIL’S POV

Dan was distracted. 

He hadn’t turned a page in his book in over an hour, even though it was only the night before when he had told Phil that, “Literally nothing could keep me from finishing this book.”. His eyes watched the page, but didn’t move over sentences, didn’t pick out words, didn’t create a story in his mind. 

Before he had left the ship with Chris, Dan had been fine. More than fine, really. His excitement at being on stable ground had been infectious, and Phil would be lying if he said he didn’t want to be with Dan the whole time he was off the ship. 

But the moment he had come back, he was silent. He hadn’t even looked Phil in the eyes until the sun began to go down and he knocked on the door to spend the evening with the captain. Even then, barely a word was spoken before Dan grabbed his book and began to read, effectively shutting Phil out.

Phil had completely given up on trying to be subtle as he watched Dan, realizing that the boy was absolutely oblivious to the world around him. The sun had long since been down, but Dan had made no move to leave, perhaps even without the knowledge that it was dark outside. Phil said nothing, only continued his work in silence as he tried to figure out what was wrong. 

Maybe he was still worried about his attacker being free? Maybe his back was hurting him again? Or maybe…

Phil watched in fascination as Dan’s head slowly lowered, his eyes already closed, as he curled around the book in his hands. Oh. Maybe he was asleep.

Getting up from his desk, Phil made his way to Dan, crouching in front of him and placing a hand on his shoulder to keep him from falling off the couch. “Dan? Sweetheart?” Where had that come from? He hadn’t called Dan that before. “Wake up, it’s getting late. You need to go to bed.”

Dan shook his head. “Mmmno.”

Laughing softly, Phil placed a hand against Dan’s cheek. “You’re falling asleep.”

“I know.” He yawned, leaning into Phil’s hand. “I’ll stay here.”

Phil laughed again, “You never stay here.”

“Don’t wanna walk.” His eyes were closed still and the book lay forgotten in his hands. “Wanna sleep.”

It wasn’t like they hadn’t shared a bed before. 

“Alright.” Phil stood, “I’m not carrying you though.”

Dan grumbled, but stood, kicking off his shoes and tossing his jacket on the couch behind him. “Mean.”

Laughing fondly as he watched the over dramatic boy, Phil kissed Dan’s forehead as he made his way to the bed. “Go to sleep.”

“Are you going to as well?” Dan was waking up more, and was obviously unhappy about it.

“Soon,” Phil promised, “I need to get some work done before.” 

Dan looked hesitant. 

“Just go to bed, I’ll be there soon.” He offered a smile that was apparently convincing enough for Dan, as he was under the blankets within seconds.

“Don’t stay up too late.”

“Yes, mum.” Phil joked, and then seeing the distressed look on Dan’s face, he immediately sobered. “You okay?”

Dan nodded, turning over so that his back was to Phil. “I’m fine. Goodnight.”

Phil frowned. “Goodnight, Dan.”

The silence was unbroken as he went back to work, filling the room with it’s extremely obvious presence. The only motion in the room was the occasional rise and fall of Dan’s shoulder as he slept and the small movements of a pen on paper as Phil did his best to sort out the mess of papers on his desk. 

What had upset Dan so much? Usually he didn’t waste a second of his time with Phil, talking non stop and wandering around the room, asking questions about the ship’s build, the adventures that Phil had experienced, or even the small artifacts that lay on the shelves. 

Where was this one from?

What’s the story behind this?

What even is this?

Although incessant, Phil couldn’t help but smile whenever Dan asked questions, always looking to learn something new in any way possible. Phil hoped he was being a good enough teacher at the moment. The thought shot a pang of regret through Phil’s chest. He wasn’t supposed to be teaching Dan all these things, that was his parents job. Or even a teachers. Although Dan never mentioned it, what if he had a job back home? What if he had school?

Frowning now, Phil continued his work, albeit far more distracted than he was before. Dan had been taken from his home, his family, his life——and it was all because of Phil. All because he couldn’t find it in himself to turn himself in and had instead used a teenager as a shield from his problems. Jesus, he was really screwed up.

A small flash of white from Dan’s jacket caught his eye and Phil stood, trying to figure out what it was. A piece of paper? Maybe a letter? But from whom?

Slowly, he made his way around his desk, plucking out the small slip of paper from Dan’s jacket pocket. He knew he shouldn’t invade the boy’s privacy like that, but maybe it had been what was causing Dan to feel so off. Phil smoothed the paper out, noting how it had been folded open and closed many times, the creases in the paper giving it away.

He was greeted by a crudely drawn picture of Dan, along with the words “Missing” and “Reward”.

Oh.

Guilt flooded over the captain and he collapsed onto the couch, paper clutched tightly in his hand. They were still looking for him. 

Of course they were, He berated himself, Dan never mentioned siblings. He was their only child, of fucking course his parents were still looking for him. And now Dan knew this too and he’d be more insistent than ever to get back home. 

Phil’s stomach felt sick. Glancing over to the bed where Dan lay, he watched in silence as the boy’s shoulder rose and fell with each breath, hypnotizing the pirate captain, giving him something to focus on other than his guilt. He was a kidnapper. He was a pirate. He was hated and terrifying and just as cruel and manipulative as everyone expected him to be. 

He was a monster.

He shouldn’t even be allowed to touch Dan, much less hold him tight or kiss him. He had no right. Dan deserved so much better, so much more than what Phil was and would always be. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered to the quiet room. “I’m sorry.”

If his words were heard, they went unanswered.

“I’m so sorry, Dan, forgive me, I’m sorry.”

Apologies poured out of Phil’s mouth faster than he could even comprehend them. 

What was he apologizing for?

Everything.

He apologized for kissing Dan, for taking advantage of him and of his obvious attraction to Phil.

He apologized for not telling Dan that his attacker had escaped.

He apologized for letting Dan get hurt.

He apologized for hurting Dan.

“I’m sorry.”

They didn’t even sound like words anymore, Phil realized, having not noticed that he had spoken all of his apologies out loud. 

They were useless, really, the words. 

What can an ‘I’m sorry’ do to fix what was already broken?

Perhaps if Dan were awake to hear it?

No, that wouldn’t do anything. 

Phil sighed, blinking hard and trying to fight down the waves of self hatred that flooded his mind. No, there was a way to fix this, in the very least make it a little better. How long until the next port? It didn’t matter. Phil had made up his mind.

No one will get to hurt Dan again, especially not Phil.

And Phil won’t be able to hurt him again if he’s locked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH THERE WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT  
> jk i know what happens next.  
> Thanks for reading!! Okay, time to be sappy. I frikking LOVE LOVE LOVE all of your comments and without all of them, I doubt this would have gone very far (I had planned for this fic to be about three chapters long. Ha. HA!) so thank you so much for your wonderful support and for actually reading this thing, holy smokes!! And like, I've made friends through this??? Wonderful, lovely people who are just fantastic?? So yeah. Thanks!  
> tumblr: phailingphantasticly


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ya'll!! How's your week going? Good? GREAT!! If not, *hugs* I hope it gets better :) Enjoy the chapter!! This is Dan's POV

Dan was still unsure of his decision.

As he stood in front of Phil’s cabin door, his hand raised to knock, a sudden and overwhelming fear came over him and he froze.

Did he really want to do this? He had thought he did during the night, with his mind wide awake his ideas and bravery that would no doubt dissipate in the morning like dew. That’s the problem with nighttime. Everything, even the impossible, seems manageable. Now though, as he stood in front of the door with the weight of what he was about to do on his shoulders, he wasn’t so sure. 

The thought of home had plagued him day and night since the port, the slip of paper still riding in his pocket each day. Home. The inn, his parents, an apprenticeship, safety…he could go back to the life he had always been sure of. And if having Phil leave him at a port nearby to get home by himself would guarantee the captain not having to pay for the crimes he hadn’t committed. Phil could be safe if Dan went home. A few less people wanting him dead.

But the moment Dan would come close to making up his mind about wanting to go home, his mind would be changed as he watched a sunrise from the rigging. When he and Chris would walk the deck at night for the sole reason of Dan’s love for the stars. When Phil held him close and made him feel like everything would be okay. He let himself imagine a life on the ship, never returning home, staying by Phil’s side as they explored the sea together. 

After minutes of internal debate, Dan finally, he plucked up the nerve to let his hand fall on the door. He lifted his fist again, and then dropped it. Lifted. Dropped. Three knocks.

Phil called from inside, “It’s open!” and Dan reached for the knob, his heart trapped in his throat. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt nervous about going into Phil’s office.

The door swung open, heavy on it’s hinges, and Dan stepped inside the room, his eyes landing on where Phil sat hunched over his desk, his pen furiously scratching at the paper.

“Peej, how much longer will we be by this port?” Phil mumbled, his pen still moving across the pace and his hair falling into his eyes. As he lifted his head slightly to dip the tip of his pen into the inkwell, Phil’s eyes landed on Dan. His mouth dropped open into a tiny ‘o’ of surprise, but only for a moment before his eyes softened and a tired smile made it’s way to his lips. “Dan. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Dan flushed a little at the words, chewing his lip to hide a smile of his own. “I…I wanted to talk to you.”

Placing the pen down, Phil folded his hands and nodded towards the couch, motioning for Dan to sit. “Perfect. I’ve been meaning to talk to you as well.”

Dan sat, his hands nervously playing with the edge of his shirt and his knee bouncing up and down on it’s own. Damn. He was a lot more nervous than he thought he’d be. As he opened his mouth, his words got caught in his throat and he stopped. This was way too hard. “Why don’t you go first?” He asked Phil instead, “I’ll go after, what did you want to talk to me about?”

If Dan didn’t know any better, he would have thought that Phil was just as nervous as he was. The man nodded, swallowing discretely and picking at one of his nails. “Right. Okay.” He exhaled softly, offering Dan a worried smile before speaking. “I’m going to turn myself in.”

Immediately, Dan was on his feet, his eyebrows furrowed and his shoulders tense. “What?”

Sighing, Phil pinched the bridge of his nose, perhaps to ward off an oncoming headache. “It’s the only option we have—”

“You’re giving up, just like that?!”

“No! I mean, maybe.” He glanced up at Dan through his eyelashes. “It makes sense.”

“It does not!” Dan was still standing, towering over Phil, his eyes alight with confusion, anger, disappointment. “Phil, if you turn yourself in, then you’re dead. You told me so yourself. I’m not going to let you do that.”

“There are people after me that will stop at nothing to have my head on a silver platter.” Phil defended, “Anyone who gets in their way is nothing but a casualty to them. I can’t let you get hurt because of me!”

“I’m not going to let you die!”

“It’s not really your decision to make though, is it?”

Dan didn’t say anything. Growling in frustration, his threw his hands in the air and turned around, pacing away from Phil with his mind churning with disbelief and anger and worry. Phil couldn’t turn himself in. That would ruin Dan’s plan for getting Phil out safely. And now, Dan could tell that there would be no way that Phil would leave him at a port alone. He couldn’t possibly tell Phil his plan now. 

Although his plan wasn’t perfect, it made a lot more sense than Phil’s did. If all went according to plan, Dan would leave the ship and pretend not to know anything about it. 

I was blindfolded, He could say, I was kept locked up the entire time. I never laid eyes on the captain. I only spoke to one person. I was traded to three different ships over the time I was missing.

Whatever could be said to make people believe him. Sure, the plan had lots of holes in it. What if someone saw through his lies? And even if people did believe him, there wasn’t much Dan could do to stop the manhunt for Phil. Maybe give him a few extra months of a head start if Dan fed the authorities false information. Nothing for sure though. Dan might be questioned, might be tortured, might be bribed, but if it meant Phil’s safety, then he was more than willing to do it.

“Dan?” Phil sounded tense, like Dan was a bomb that could go off at a single harsh word. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Losing you would hurt more than anything else I could ever imagine, Dan thought, but he didn’t say that. Instead, he mumbled out a, “At least try to plead innocent.” He felt a gentle hand at his elbow and he turned, throwing himself into an embrace that almost knocked the both of them off their feet. “Be safe.” It was an unreasonable request, but Dan worded it anyway, tucking his head under Phil’s chin and wrapping his arms around his waist.

He felt Phil nod, murmuring an “I will”, and Dan pressed closer when he felt Phil’s promise through his chest. Phil’s hand came up to card through Dan’s curls and Dan took a moment to hate himself for what he was planning on doing before letting himself get lost in Phil’s embrace once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys aren't too mad at me for the last chapter, I got so many panicked comments, I hope you're all okay. :D This chapter was a little slower paced (and kinda awkward, lets be real) but the next one is sure to bring out all the feels. So look forward to that. Even I teared up while writing it and I have a stone cold heart(i'm kidding i'm a total softie) But I hope you enjoyed this one before it gets dramatic!! 
> 
> This chapter was a little confusing I think because it was written before some plot points and I'm not sure I fixed everything about it but oh well. This isn't getting published. :P
> 
> How are all you NaNo writers holding up? Lots of words? Not a whole lot? IT'S OKAY YOU'RE DOING GREAT AND YOUR WRITING IS WONDERFUL!!  
> tumblr: phailingphantasticly


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOooooooops sorry this is late!!! I've been busy and all that. Anyway. This chapter is long and angsty as HECK so STRAP IN. I have some news so stay tuned at the end notes please!! :D This is Dan's POV

Sometimes, Dan had imagined running away.

From the inn, from his parents, from the pirate ship——each escape planned and executed to perfection. He would leave everything behind with no hitches in his plan and it would be perfect.

Not once had he imagined running away like this.

He didn’t have anything to pack with him, as he hadn’t actually been prepared when he was taken. He had a hammock, which he obviously wouldn’t bring with him, along with a blanket that he would bring, as he didn’t know where he was headed. His clothes he would bring, along with a few extra shirts that he had managed to secure thanks to Chris being a similar size to him, but that was all. He had stolen a small portion of the rations, just enough to get him by for a few days, as he was planning on leaving close to shore. 

All that was left was to say goodbyes, which was what Dan dreaded most about the whole idea. How could he manage to say goodbye to the people he’d been living with for the past year and a half? How could he leave behind the friendship that he shared with Chris and Peej and whatever the hell it was between him and Phil? 

Heaving a sigh, Dan made his way above decks to where he knew Chris was waiting for him, already planning out which chores he would have Dan execute. It would be hard, leaving Chris behind. Out of the entire crew, he had been the first to offer a smile to Dan when he needed it, and he had been the one of the very few reasons why Dan had stopped trying to escape. Chris was a friend, pirate or not, and Dan was going to miss him unbearably. 

“Howell. What took you so long?” Chris grinned up at him from where he was crouched by the side of Phil’s cabin, a bucket and a rough sponge in his hand as he cleaned off the mold that grew along the side of the cabin. 

“Sorry Chris,” Dan knelt down beside his friend, grabbing the spare sponge out of the bucket and setting to work, “Slept late.”

Chris snorted, “Since when do you sleep late?”

Dan didn’t bother answering, as Chris had already moved to another topic, only smiling slightly to himself as he listened to the incessant yammering of the pirate. Chris was his safe place, neutral territory when Phil and Peej had gotten too serious and he needed a break. Chris never failed to make Dan smile, cranking out countless crude jokes that would have made Dan’s mother livid, never stopping until he had somehow coaxed a smile from the boy. Dan wondered who would take his place helping Chris out with his chores, once he was gone. 

“Chris?”

The pirate raised his chin to show that he was listening.

“Do you ever think about quitting?”

“Quitting what?” Chris asked suspiciously, an eyebrow raising.

“I don’t know,” Dan sighed, letting his sponge drop into the coarse salt water that filled the bucket. “Everything. This.” He gestured around them, “The ship. Do you ever think about starting your life on land and settling down and living without the ocean beneath your feet?”

A small smile made it’s way on to Chris’s features. “Nope.” He didn’t elaborate.

“Ever?”

“I’m happy here, kid.” Chris explained, setting back to work, but the smile stayed in place. “I have a place to stay, I have food to eat, I have friends.” He gestured to Dan and Dan did his best not to wince. “I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be than here.”

Dan dropped the conversation, letting silence take over until Chris once again started talking and Dan allowed himself get lost in the conversation, not letting himself think about the fact that this might be their last full on conversation with each other. As much as he wanted to go home, Dan was going to miss the ship, and along with it, Chris.

“Hey, Chris?”

The man nodded, brow furrowing when he heard the tentative voice Dan was using. “Don’t tell me you’re dying or something. If you’re dying, tell Peej, not me, I’m no good with that stuff.”

Dan watched him, incredulously, “You’re a fucking pirate.”

Chris’ chest puffed up, “Seeing it all the time doesn’t mean I like it.”

“I’m not dying.”

“Good.”

“I’m leaving.”

A silence followed, and Chris did nothing but stare at Dan, a look of confusion written across his features, his sponge forgotten in his hand. Dan fidgeted. 

“You’re leaving?”

Dan hadn’t planned on telling anyone of his plan. He didn’t want to run the risk of anyone stopping him or even trying to convince him to stay, but it felt wrong not to tell Chris. Although fairly certain that Chris wouldn’t try and stop him from leaving, Dan was beginning to doubt that as his friend stared at him with the same expression, not even blinking.

“C’mon Chris, you gotta say something, you’re making me nervous.”

Still nothing.

“Chris—”

“You’re leaving.”

Dan nodded slowly, “Yes.”

“When.”

“Tonight.” A shrug, “If I can. Maybe the next night.”

“And you’re telling me this, now?” Chris sounded offended, hurt, confused, and slightly angry, which was what Dan was the most nervous about. 

“Well yeah.” Dan shrugged again. “I didn’t want to risk you trying to convince me to stay.”

At that, Chris’s sponge dropped back down into the bucket, effectively splashing the both of them with the salt water and causing Dan to flinch away. “I’m not gonna do that.”

“Good, cause it wouldn’t have worked.” Dan tried to sound confident, but he was still half convinced that he would have stayed if Chris had asked him to. “Are you okay?”

Smiling, the pirate, reached over, clapping a hand on Dan’s shoulder and forcing a smile to his face. “Didn’t think I’d have to say goodbye to that ugly mug of yours so soon, is all.” He muttered, and Dan forced a laugh, feeling a rush of relief at Chris’ supportive words.

“You’re one to talk,” He smirked, bringing a hand up to cover his friend’s. 

Chris laughed, smiling over at Dan like he was some kitten who had just learned to walk. “I’m gonna miss you, kid.” He half heartedly set back to work, scrubbing the side of the cabin, “You stay safe out there, okay? And if you ever find yourself out on the seas again, you come looking for me, you hear?”

Dan’s smile faded, the realization that he was probably never going to see his friend again hitting him hard. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words caught in his throat and he only managed a nod, blinking furiously and grabbing his own sponge, swallowing whatever words he had been about to say.

*****

Saying goodbye to Peej had been easier. 

Dan didn’t mention that he was leaving, his conversation with Pj held under the ruse that he had a question about the schedule for the night watch. There were no sappy words exchanged, and no heartfelt comments about how they would miss each other, and for that, Dan was grateful. He couldn’t stop himself though, from throwing himself at Peej for a hug, which the man carefully reciprocated. 

Dan figured he had to suspect at least something when he blurted out a, “Thanks for looking out for Phil, Peej.” The words came out too fast, too rushed, but Peej understood.

A frown graced his features, but he nodded. “Of course.”

“I mean, I know you have for a long time, just…” He swallowed, not liking the sudden surge of emotion he was feeling. “Thanks. He trusts you a lot.”

“I’m not the only one, Dan.” Peej had said solemnly, quirking a slight smile at Dan’s reddening cheeks. “Oh come on, I’ve seen the way you look at each other. I’m not blind, you know.”

“Just—” Dan tried to smile, but found it near impossible, “Look out for him, okay?”

“Alright, Dan.” There was a sad tinge to his smile, and Dan wondered if he knew of Dan’s escape plan. “I will.”

A last smile had been exchanged and that was all.

*****

Phil came last.

Although he had most of the day to talk to him, Dan waited until the very last moment to say goodbye. He didn’t want to have to say goodbye, not when he knew how final it would be. He wouldn’t be coming back, he wouldn’t be able to say another goodbye——this was it.

Chris had been walking on eggshells around him for the rest of the day, taking every moment he could to talk to, hug, or tease Dan, but if anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything. Pj hadn’t said another word to him, but more often than not, Dan would catch him staring with this sad, confused look on his face which made Dan even more nervous about talking to Phil.

If he was tearing up just talking to Chris, how the hell would he manage any words at all with Phil?

The sun was deciding to go down when he finally got up the courage to approach Phil’s door, willing his hands to stop shaking as he knocked.

“Come in.”

Dan closed his eyes briefly at the familiar words before shoving the door inward and heading inside the cabin.

“Dan!” Phil smiled brightly when he saw who it was, the entire atmosphere in the room seeming to shift to a brighter mood, the sun glowing through the window and the dusty knick knacks seeming brand new. “What’s on your mind?”

Dan smiled despite himself at the happy words, almost letting himself forget the reason he was there in the first place. He had no plan whatsoever as to where the conversation should go. All he knew was that he wanted to talk with Phil for as long as he could before having to say a goodbye that Phil wouldn’t even recognize. Sure Phil had been forcing him to stay on the ship for over a year now, but if the man had genuinely asked him to stay, for no reason other than staying together, Dan was afraid he would say yes. “Hey Phil, I was wondering about the next port we’re stopping at?” 

Smooth. He chided himself, Talk about the exact thing you don’t want him to know about.

Phil smiled, “Yeah? What’s up?”

Taking his normal place on the couch so that he could easily see Phil without being close enough to be distracted, Dan continued. “Um, well first off, how long will we be staying there?” Might as well get some info while I’m at it.

“Couple days, why?”

Dan shook his head, “Just wondering, and um——” he was out of questions.  
Shifting uncomfortably on the couch, he grabbed a throw pillow, picking at it’s stitching and doing his best not to meet Phil’s eyes. Since when had it become hard to make conversation with this man? “I don’t know if…if…”

“Dan?” Phil stood up from the desk, frowning slightly with his brow furrowed with concern. “Are you feeling okay? You look as if you’re about to be sick.” Crouching in front of the teenager, Phil gently cupped Dan’s cheek in his palm, pressing the back of his other hand against Dan’s forehead. “Do you feel alright?” His blue eyes shown with a fondness that Dan had once thought only existed in fiction, his face alight with concern.

Smiling slightly, Dan nodded, placing his hands over Phil’s and bringing them down to rest in his lap. “I’m fine. Just—” He pulled Phil towards him, going for the front of his shirt when pulling on his hands didn’t work. “C’mere.” Once they were both seated on the couch, side by side, Dan threw his arms around Phil’s neck, burying his face under the other’s chin. 

“Dan?” Although concerned and confused, Phil wasted no time in holding Dan as well, one hand rubbing circles against his back and the other coming up to brush gently through Dan’s hair. “What’s wrong?”

Shaking his head, Dan didn’t answer him, only pulling himself closer. Fuck, he didn’t want to leave Phil.

Gently, Phil moved Dan’s legs until Dan was sitting sideways, his legs stretching out over and across Phil’s lap as he continued to hold on to him. “There we go,” Phil muttered softly, “Now,” He resumed his gentle massage on Dan’s back, “what happened, Dan? Please talk to me.”

Shaking his head again, Dan leaned back a little, although still easily in reach of Phil. “I don’t want to lose you.”

And Phil, being the fucking perfect angel on earth that he was, immediately had an answer. “And I don’t want to lose you either.” He said softly, and Dan frowned. “I hate that this is the only option, but it’ll work out.”

Confused for a moment, Dan leaned away. Phil wasn’t supposed to know about his escape plan, and even if he did know, how the hell was he being so calm about it?

“But I don’t want you getting hurt. I don’t want any of them getting hurt,” Phil gestured to the door, “It’s better if I just turn myself in.”

Oh.

Phil was still planning on turning himself in. He had no idea about Dan’s plan, and finally, Dan relaxed slightly. “Yeah, but I still don’t want you to go. What’ll I do after?” Dan was asking about himself, after he went back home, back to his normal life. What could he possibly do back home that was anywhere near as adventurous and exciting as the past year had been? And how would he be able to rest at night when he knew that the ship and it’s crew were still out on the seas, unknowing if they were safe or hanging?

“You’ll go home. Peej will take over here. Everything will be fine.”

“You’ll be gone.”

“But what does that matter?” Phil’s voice was sad. “The only ones who will miss me are the members of my crew. I’ll admit, I haven’t made much of a difference in this world.”

“I’ll miss you.” Dan said quietly, half hoping that Phil wouldn’t hear, but the sad smile on Phil’s face showed that he had.

“It’ll be okay.” Phil said, in a way that sounded deceptively promising. “You’ll be fine. You can go on and live the life you’ve always wanted, forget about all this. I promise, things will turn out for y——”

“I’m not worried about me!”

A beat of silence followed, before Dan once more found himself wrapped in Phil’s arms, although this time, he hadn’t been the one to initiate the embrace. Phil held him tightly, gently shushing Dan’s gasping breaths and running a soft hand up and down the teenagers back, his own hands shaking as he struggled to control himself. 

“It’ll be alright, Dan.” The words sounded so soft and defeated, so utterly lost, that Dan pushed closer, internally berating himself for getting this worked up. He shouldn’t be near tears at the goodbye of his kidnapper. The idea sounded so ridiculous, and yet there he was, blinking hard against tears and swallowing down his choked breaths.

“Phil?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks.”

Phil chuckled dryly. “For what? Kidnapping you? Keeping you against your will? Or are you simply thanking me for using you as a shield to avoid having to pay for my crimes?”

Dan gently elbowed Phil, half smiling, “Shut up. I mean thanks for being you, you know?”

There was a pause, and then: “I think so.”

“Thanks for making me laugh, and holding me when I cry, and for owning a stupid cactus on a pirate ship—” Dan swallowed harshly, feeling more than hearing a deep chuckle that rose up from Phil’s chest. “And for not, um, killing me.”

“Dan, I would never!” Phil sounded actually offended at Dan’s joke.

“I know, I know,” Dan snuggled closer, “Kidding.”

He let silence take over for a moment, unsure of what to say next, knowing that his time remaining with Phil was extremely limited and not wanting to waste a second of it with the wrong words. 

“I think…” He began, hesitantly, noticing how close the two were. “I think I love you, Phil.” 

He turned to see Phi’s reaction, immediately glad when he did, and even more glad when he realized that he had such a close up viewing to it. The look on the captain’s face resembled something like pure joy, and Dan glowed with the knowledge that he had been the source of it.

“I think I love you too, Dan Howell.”

Smiling slightly, he tipped his chin up so that he and Phil were level with each other, neither hesitant now as their lips brushed each other’s. It wasn’t a hurried kiss—the exact opposite in fact. Their lips met in slow motion, both wanting to savor the feeling as much as possible. 

Moving together like they shared the same mind, they fitted together perfectly, their lips moving in a synchronized, practiced looking dance as they kissed. It felt familiar and new all at once, both practiced and hesitant. Dan’s arms snaked around Phil’s neck and Phil’s hands resting gently on Dan’s waist, both occasionally messing up the rhythm of the kiss when the urge to smile got too strong.

Dan’s heart splintered a little when they finally broke apart, reminding himself that the kiss had been the last of it’s kind, but he did his best not to show his inner remorse at the loss of Phil’s lips.

Leaning close once more, Dan gently bumped his forehead against Phil’s, smiling at the overly fond look in Phil’s eyes that were no doubt mirrored in Dan’s own. “Hey.” He whispered quietly. Speaking regularly seemed too harsh for the moment, as if anything louder than a whisper would break the small bubble of safe and happy that they had created together.

“Hi.” Phil smiled back, pure adoration in his eyes as he leaned in close to press feather light kisses to anywhere on Dan’s skin he could reach. Nose, cheeks, forehead, jaw, throat. “Beautiful.”

Dan blushed.

Sometimes, there are moments that you know will expire soon. You know that there’s a deadline to the happiness and that at some point, the bubbly, carefree feeling that you have will be gone. In moments like these, sometimes the only thing you can do is to enjoy the happy moments. 

Dan did.

Each touch of Phil’s lips to his skin felt better than anything else had before. The smile against a kiss made his heart pound. The feeling had him floating away, leaving behind the memory of the complete heartbreak he would have to deal with the following day. He forgot about the fact that each touch of Phil against him could easily be the last. He basked in the feeling of being called beautiful. 

He allowed himself to forget and become lost in the man he had fallen in love with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi  
> please don't be mad  
> OKAY! What did you think?? Angsty enough for y'all? Let me know i crave validation and love from strangers online.  
> Speaking of, your comments are giving me LIFE and i love reading them so much THANK YOU YOU'RE ALL GREAT!!
> 
> Alright the news. Soooooo there's going to be a slight hiatus for this fic. I have a plan for where it's going so I'm STILL GOING TO WRITE THIS!! It's just with nano and everything, plotting out and writing two (LONG) stories is harder than I thought it would be. I will try to update again before November is over, but no promises. :P
> 
> So I guess I'll be back in a few weeks?? I love y'all and I hope you have a LOVELY rest of november! For the american readers, happy thanksgiving!! And thanks to all of you for reading!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHOS BACK  
> BACK AGAIN  
> Hello everyone! It's been way too long since I've put out a chapter!! I missed it!! NaNoWriMo kicked my butt, but I did manage to finish my 50,000 words, much to the wonderful and ever motivating words of my fellow writers. :D But anyways. I'm back! I have another chapter! It's not very long, but I think it's okay, for now. I have an ending planned and I really hope you'll all like it when I (FRIKKIN FINALLY) get to it. :) So enjoy this for now!  
> Dan's POV

Dan wondered if life would ever go back to being normal.

Whatever the hell normal even was, now.

For over a year, he had spend every day on board a ship—-a pirate ship at that!—- and now that he was back home again, he felt as if nothing would ever be the same.  
He had arrived back home two weeks before, greeted with open arms and promises of love and saying that he was happy to be back would be an understatement. The feeling of his own bed as he slept, the promise of monotony as he waited tables, he had missed it all. More than he had thought he had. 

But as he lay awake in his bed, trying to tell himself that it was normal for the bed to be still beneath him, he couldn’t help but wish he were back on the seas. The ground didn’t move beneath his feet, the view out his window stayed the same, the people who he saw at breakfast were not the same people he saw at lunch——  
Living back home again was going to take some time.

He felt pulled towards the ocean, just as he had before, but this time he knew what was out there. He knew who was out there waiting for him, he knew that he’d be okay out there, he knew everything that he hadn’t a year ago. And yet he still loved the inn. He smiled as he ducked out of his mother’s good morning kisses, he grumbled as he waited tables, he complained as he burned his hand lighting a fire in the fireplace. 

In summary, his mind was a mess of conflicting emotions that he was unsure about, and it was exhausting. 

He was doing his best not to think about the people he missed most of all. Remembering the ship itself was hard enough on his emotions, but once he got to remembering Chris and Peej and Phil———

Oh god, Phil.

For the first few days of being home, Dan had woken up to the man’s name on his lips, the lingering, faint memories of a dream fading away before Dan could grab it. Although he did his best to avoid thinking about the man, Phil somehow found a way into Dan’s thoughts 

“Daniel?” 

His eyes popped open when he heard his mother’s voice, almost tipping out the window from surprise. Once again, he had been daydreaming, dishes sitting unwashed in his hands.

“Daniel, are you down here?”

“Here, mum.” He called, hurriedly scrubbing at the dishes in his hand. He had been caught far too many times with his mind off on the seas and as much as his parents smiled through it, he could tell that they were worried. They had chalked it up to Stockholm Syndrome, thinking that Dan was just feeling sorry for his kidnapper, when in fact, Dan knew he just missed him.

He missed the feeling of the floor moving beneath him, he missed the constantly changing view over the side of the deck, he missed the crew that he had begun to love. 

But explaining that would make him sound insane, he realized. No one would believe him if he told anyone that he had fallen in love with the man who had kidnapped him and held him hostage for over a year, so he stayed quiet about it. 

He told anyone who asked him that he had been blindfolded almost the entire time, never even getting to see the pirate captain’s face during the entire time he was on the ship. 

“There you are, darling.” Dan’s mum smiled as she entered the kitchen, obviously happy to see her son back where he had been missing from for so long. “How are you?”

The question had been asked far more times than Dan could count, in multiple different ways and forms. Everyone wanted to know how he was. How was he holding up? Are you sleeping okay? Do you feel safe? 

Dan normally smiled through the question, not willing to tell anyone how he really felt. He would make up some bullshit about how he was hanging in there, maybe a little nervous about going down to the water at any point in the near future. That particular answer seemed to please his parents greatly. 

“I’m alright mum.” He smiled at her, putting the dish and rag down and turning to face her. “I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will, sweetheart.” She traced her hand against his cheek. “You’re so brave.”

He winced, somehow making it seem like a smile. “Was that what you came to tell me?” He asked, not meaning to send her away, but wondering what her intentions were. 

“Oh!” She threw her hands up in disbelief. “I almost forgot altogether. Look at me, forgetting even the simplest of tasks.” She shook her head, chuckling to herself and pulling out a letter from her apron pocket. “This came for you. It’s from the courthouse.” She held it out to him, unaware of the sudden fear that gripped her son.

“Great.” Dan tried to give her a smile, hoping it wasn’t too shaky and at least a little bit convincing. “Thanks.”

“Of course, dear.” The woman patted him on the cheek one last time and smiled before leaving the room, “Finish up those, dishes, okay?”

“’Kay, mum.” Dan mumbled back, the envelope in his shaking hands feeling like it weighed a thousand pounds. Dream filled his mind as he flipped it over, reading the careful lettering that addressed him.

Phil was okay.

Phil had to be okay.

If they had somehow caught him, they wouldn’t let Dan know, would they?

It took him almost a full minute of staring at the envelope before he figured that he should probably open it. Tossing the dish rag onto the counter, he climbed the stairs that led to his room two at a time, his mind numb in a sort of muted panic that he didn’t want to face.

Phil was fine.

Right?

Dan shut the door behind him as he finally got to his room, immediately making his way to the window sill to open the letter. The sea lay out before him, pulling at his heart and forcing him to look away lest he get caught up in thinking about the ship again. He had enough to worry about for the moment. 

Pulling in a deep breath, he settled against the window sill and carefully ripped open the thick envelope, his mind running wild with ideas that he’d rather not think about. The envelope opened to reveal a letter with far too much information written out in neat, precise handwriting and Dan scanned it in a frantic search for anything that would let him know that Phil was somehow, somehow safe. 

Most of the letter revealed to be a bunch of official greetings and asking how he was doing, which he skimmed over, for the most part. But as Dan made his way to the bottom of the letter, words like “Captured”, “Guilty”, “Trial” and “Hearing” began to jump out at him, filling his heart with a cold dread that chilled him from the inside out.

They had found the ship.

They had found Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm?? What did you think?? Dan's back home but he misses the ship??? and Phil???? Who would've guessed!! I hope you all enjoyed it and weren't too mad about my lack of updating :P For those who follow me on tumblr, yes, I did say this would be up by saturday, but I had forgotten that I was going to be out of town at that point. Oops. But still, THANK YOU for the lovely comments on the last chapter!! They have not gone unread or unappreciated, I promise!   
> tumblr: phailingphantasticly


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me, updating on time. :D  
> K. So. This chapter is kind of longer than the others are and kind of stressful cause Dan's all on edge and yeah. I promise I'll get to the main event soon, THANK YOU guys all for sticking with this so far cause it's frikking LONG but I promise it's almost done. I think. I've said that before.   
> Dan's POV

The court date followed Dan around like a perpetual cloud of dread, reminding him of the retelling of his story he would need to present to the judges and the ever present thought of seeing Phil again. 

The letter had informed him, in the most civil and well mannered way, that the infamous pirate scoundrel, Phil Lester, had been apprehended and was being held in a prison down south. He was to be transported to a larger city nearby the Dan’s parent’s inn and within the week, he was meant to make his way to the city to appear before a judge. He would be asked to identify the pirate, confirming or denying if the man was the same who had kidnapped him over a year before. There had been no mention of the crew when it came to knowing if they were safe or not.

Dan lost sleep, avoided eating, kept to himself to the point of his parents considering to bring him to a hospital. For hours, he would sit in his windowsill and gaze out at the water, locked in a trance like state until brought back to reality with a gentle touch or a reminder to busy himself with chores. 

As far as his parents were concerned, he was only worried about seeing his kidnapper again, perhaps scared of what he might do. Little did they know, they were only half right. 

Dan was terrified of seeing Phil again, worried that upon meeting his gaze, he would throw himself at the pirate and beg to be taken out to the seas again. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle seeing the man he loved again, not when there was a chance that he would be put to death depending on what the judges thought of Dan’s story.

He reviewed it often, the story he would tell the court, going over the exact words he would use as he lay awake at night, eyes locked on the faint ray of moonshine that fitted it’s way through his window. 

I was blindfolded, He would say, I never even laid eyes on the captain, but I heard his voice. This man is not my kidnapper. I’ve never seen him before in my life.

Somehow, he would say that while looking Phil in the eyes.

It hurt to think about, but it was better than the numb feeling of hopelessness that entered his mind when he let himself think about what would happen should he mess up. Phil couldn’t get hurt because of him. That wasn’t allowed.

The whole reason Dan had left in the first place was to keep Phil safe. 

That couldn’t all be destroyed with a single wrong word.

Could it?

******

On the morning of the court date, Dan was in a foul mood. 

He hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep the entire night, his mind having kept him awake until it had been time to get up. He emerged from his bedroom with dark circles under his eyes and fatigue clinging to his figure, knowing that he looked like hell, but not caring.

“Sweetheart, you look awful!” His mother had cried when he entered the room, but he waved it off. 

“Didn’t sleep.” He mumbled back, rummaging in the cabinet in search of food. “Don’t wanna go today.”

His mother sighed, “I know it’ll be hard to think back on everything that happened to you, darling.” She placed a reassuring hand on his arm, and Dan was grateful for it. “But once you get through this, it’s all behind you. No more thinking about it, right?”

Dan swallowed. “Right.” 

Needless to say, the conversation hadn’t made him feel that much better.

He climbed into the carriage with his parents a few hours later, dreading the destination, and trying not to think too hard into his watching the ocean get smaller and smaller behind them as they drove towards the town. 

The countryside raced by beside them, blurring trees and people and mountains as Dan let his focus drift from thought to thought. Although he knew that there was no way to alter their destination, he pretended that they weren’t headed to a courthouse where he would be crucial in deciding the fate of the man he had grown to love. 

He was going to see Phil in only a few hours. 

He was going to be so close, but completely unable to touch him.

Dan hated that idea.

He hated the fact that no matter what the judges chose, he and Phil still had little chances of spending any time together again. If proved innocent, Phil might be let off the hook, but would he most likely be labeled a dangerous man for the rest of his life. If he was proved guilty, Phil would be sentenced to jail time, maybe even to death.

Who would take care of his cactus?

Oddly enough, that was the only thought Dan allowed himself to consider, as whatever else that came into his mind was decidedly more upsetting. 

When they arrived at the courthouse, Dan had to be roused from his thoughts by his mother, as he had been staring out the side window for over an hour. When he looked up to see the stately, professional looking courthouse, his stomach dropped. 

Was Phil already there? Were they waiting for him? No, they were early. No one would be there yet. Still, all he could think about was the fact that in only a few hours, all of this would be over and, with the use of his mother’s words, it was “All behind you. No more thinking about it.”. 

They had arrived early, far earlier than Dan would have liked, as they had to spend at least an hour waiting outside the courtroom on a couple uncomfortable benches, keeping themselves busy with idly conversation. It was torture for Dan, as he had absolutely no interest in the boring conversations that his parents tried to engage him in.

Ever since he had come back to the inn, they had paid far more attention to him than they had before he had left. It threw Dan off, and he wasn’t sure if he should feel glad that they cared, or hurt that they didn’t really before, but he hadn’t bothered to think too far into it. He didn’t need anything else that would bring his spirits down. 

“Dan? Were you listening?”

Dan jerked from his thoughts to see his father watching him with a look of slight concern. They saw that he lost himself in his thoughts more often than not, but neither parents bothered to comment on it. “Sorry? No.” He shook his head and his father sighed.

“I said, Doors open in about half an hour.” The man’s expression made it clear that he had said a lot more than that, but he didn’t bother to repeat it all. “How’re you holding up?”

“Oh.” Dan didn’t want to go into the mess that was currently his stream of consciousness. “I’m okay. A little nervous.” A little. Ha.

“That’s perfectly expected, dear.” His mother assured, “It’ll be over before you know it and if the man they have in there really is the man who,” She swallowed, “took you,” she obviously didn’t like saying that. “After this, you won’t ever have to see him again.”

“I know.” Dan definitely knew. That’s what he was scared of.

When the doors finally opened, Dan nearly had a heart attack. They were among the first of the attendants to arrive, so the courtroom was in no way full of people, but he still had to fight to calm his frantically beating heart. The room was so big, so full of the possibility of a crowd, all of them watching Dan and hanging onto his every word to determine the fate of the pirate. 

He and his parents went to take their seats near the front of the room, his fingers refusing to stay still and tapping an unrecognizable beat against the table with his shaking hands. Too much, this was too much, he couldn’t do this. Not when there was so much on the line.

He glanced around, watching the room slowly fill up with strangers. The jury arrived, along with a considerable group of people who were there just to watch, including a few regulars from the inn that had known Dan’s parents for years. All there to watch him. 

“I don’t think I can do this.” Dan muttered to himself, making sure he was quiet enough that he wouldn’t be heard above the controlled noise of the courtroom, but it felt good to say the words out loud instead of keeping them trapped in his mind. “I don’t think I can——”

“What was that?” Dan’s father leaned over to him, “Did you say something?”

Dan shook his head no, pressing his lips together to remind himself not to say anything out loud again unless needed. He waited and waited, doing his best not to think about what was about to happen and instead letting his mind wander back to what he had tried for ages to repress. He closed his eyes and watched the last rays of sunlight bouncing off the far stretching sea, almost feeling the breeze off the water rushing through his hair, the crash of waves against the side of the boat. Immediately, his heart rate calmed and he found that his breathing had returned to normal. He was okay. He was home. He imagined looking behind him to see Phil’s door, cracked open in an invitation, and he couldn’t help but smile. The shouts of the crew around him and the promise of love only a few steps away brought him to think that maybe leaving the ship was the worst decision he ever made. Should he have stayed? Never come back home to the inn? 

No, that would have gotten him caught along with Phil and the rest of the crew. That would have gotten him nowhere and maybe then he wouldn’t be the one trying to get Phil out of a death sentence. 

Three loud knocks jerked Dan from his thoughts and he sat up straight, his heart rate suddenly climbing when he saw how full the courthouse was. Strangers filled every available seat, their eyes on either him or the judge who had just arrived in the room. 

Dan rose with the rest of the courtroom, his mind feeling miles away as he watched himself move mechanically to match the people around him. God, he wished he could be anywhere else but there at that moment. The judge spoke and people nodded and Dan followed suit. He couldn’t focus on what the man was saying, so he just sat down with the rest of the people when told so. He didn’t feel anything. He couldn’t. The whole thing felt like a dream, and he couldn’t wake up. 

Like a robot, he stood when asked, placed his hand on the bible, repeated the words thrown at him. He was fine. He could do this. 

He told the collective group his made up story. He told his lies like he was supposed to and felt little guilt that he had lied after explicitly saying that he wouldn’t. This was for Phil. This was to keep them both safe. Right?

He could do this if it meant keeping them safe. 

Right?

He nodded along to the sympathetic sighs and murmurs that his story earned, tried his best to put a sad expression on his blank face, tried to believe his lie. He was okay. 

Phil was going to be okay.

Dan wondered briefly if Phil was proven innocent, would he even want Dan along with him again? It had been too long since he had seen the captain. Would Phil forgive Dan for lying for him? Would that be too much?

No, Dan shook his head against the intrusive thoughts. No, Phil loved him. They were going to be okay. 

Vaguely, Dan felt himself being ushered back to his seat, where his father laid a reassuring hand on his arm. It burned Dan on the inside, knowing that he had just lied to an entire courthouse only moments after he had promised not to. Guilt ate him up alive.

For a moment, his father’s grip tightened on his arm and Dan focused as hard as he could on what was happening outside of the mess of his thoughts. What had happened? As he craned his neck to see around the courtroom in case he missed something big, Dan almost missed the opening doors and the man in handcuffs that was being shoved through it. 

Almost.

It took every ounce of self control that Dan possessed to not jump over the table and rush towards the gentle blue eyes that were locked on him. To run into the Phil’s arms like he so wanted to, to hold him close, to be reassured that yes, he would be okay. He ached to be near, ached to touch, ached to just let go and run away and not look back.

“Daniel.” His father bumped him gentle in the shoulder, almost making the boy leap out of his seat in shock. “Did you hear the judge? Go!”

“What? No.” Dan shook his head, his eyes staying trapped on Phil, unable to look away from what was so close for so long. He couldn’t go, not now, not when Phil was so close. “I can’t leave——”

“Dan! Up there.” 

Oh.

Dan stood on shaky legs, holding onto the table for support as he made his way towards the judge and the seat that was reserved for Dan. He could feel Phil’s eyes on his back, but he didn’t turn around, knowing that if he looked for too long, he would give up any motivation for getting through the court and instead run to him. 

“Mr. Howell?”

Dan nodded, keeping his eyes on the floor. “Yes, your honor?”

“This man. Is he the one who kept you hostage for a year and a half?” The words were so blunt that Dan wanted to laugh out loud. 

Well yes, He imagined himself saying, Yes he is. But I love him anyway. How fucked up is that?

“No, your honor.” Dan’s voice shook, but he swallowed down his nervousness. 

“Are you sure?” Dan wished the man would just stop talking. “Take another look.”

Slowly, Dan lifted his eyes to meet Phil’s, surprised to find a gentle smile watching him back. “I—I never saw the man’s face, your honor.” He told the judge, his eyes never straying from Phil’s gaze. “I wouldn’t know if this is him for sure, but I don’t think it is.”

Phil was instructed to speak, in case Dan recognized his voice, but he still shook his head, doing his best to ignore how much he missed Phil’s voice. 

“No, your honor. Not this man.” Tears pricked at Dan’s eyes, but his held them back. Not here. Not now.

“Alright. Mr. Howell, you may take your seat.”

Almost falling over in relief, Dan made his way back to his seat, collapsing down and curling in on himself. Too close. Everything was too close, from the chance of losing Phil, to the people around Dan, to Phil himself——“I want to go home.” 

The inn?

The ship?

Dan didn’t quite know, but he didn’t care. It was too much, too loud, too close, and he just wanted to be away.

“Your honor!” From the side of the room, a man stood. “I have someone who you should meet!”

“This isn’t a meet and greet.” The judge frowned, looking extremely disinterested.

“This will be of interest to you.” The man stepped forward, and instantly, Dan got a horrible feeling. 

“Continue?”

“May I bring forward a friend of mine.”

Dan’s stomach dropped at the sight of the man who entered the room, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Phil stand up straight as well.

It was him. The reason Dan still had trouble sleeping at night. The one person Dan never wanted to see again for the rest of his life. The man who had made Dan scared to go below decks on the ship for months, out of fear of being attacked again. 

So this is where he went, Dan barely had a chance to think before panic set in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOoooooooo!!!! I realized while writing this that I never gave that guy a name, the guy who attacked Dan below decks a few chapters back. Oops. But thanks for reading!! I hope you enjoyed!! If you'd like to leave a comment, I would absolutely love that, I really like hearing what you think! I hope you all have a wonderful week and read lots of nice fanfiction or whatever you do in your spare time. :P  
> tumblr: phailingphantastically


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K guys. We're almost at the end. After this chapter, I think there will be an epilogue and then that's it(!!!!!!). I'll save the emotional thank yous for the last chapter's notes.  
> I wrote this and I really wanted to put it up, so here's an early update hope you enjoy!!  
> Dan's POV  
> Ps i have no idea how courtrooms work and stuff i've never been sorry for this whole scene if it is completely wrong. I'm a simple trash can who makes mistakes like everyone else.

Dan felt panic rise in his chest, almost immediately sinking back in his seat. 

No, no, no, this can’t be happening. Dan was never supposed to see that man’s face ever again, Phil had promised him that. Phil had promised to keep him safe. 

Glancing over at the captain, Dan saw rage burning in his eyes, although it did nothing to calm his nerves. Phil looked scared too, and that was something Dan hated seeing, especially now that he knew that the man before them could easily put Phil behind bars. Maybe even put him to death.

“That man is not innocent.” The lawyer told the court, calmly. “My friend here has witnessed Mr. Lester commit many of the crimes that he and Mr. Howell have denied, and I believe you’ll be interested in hearing his side of the story.” 

As the judge nodded his assent, Dan felt his breath catch in his throat. This man would ruin everything, and judging by the sidelong glance at Dan, the man hadn’t forgotten who he was. 

As the man took his seat at the front of the room and began to tell his lie filled story, Dan could almost see the look of triumph in his eyes. He knew what he was doing. He knew that his well placed lies and false information would help send Phil off to prison and he just seemed so fucking confident that Dan began to lose hope almost instantly. 

Feeling eyes on him, Dan looked up to see Phil already watching him, a worried expression on his face. Damn right he should be worried, this man could easily get him killed in only a few sentences.

‘You okay?’ Phil mouthed across the room to Dan, his eyebrows raised in concern and Dan almost laughed out loud.

Of course he wasn’t okay, but he didn’t want to let on how scared he was, not with so many people nearby. Instead, he offered a minute nod in Phil’s direction, doing his best not to get caught up in the concerned, fond look that the pirate was sending his way. Forcing himself to look away, Dan focused on the table in front of him, finding himself unable to look at both Phil and the man in front of him, who was reciting false stories with a sincerity that Dan feared. Why were more people nodding along to his story than they had Dan’s? Did that mean anything? They would still believe him, right?

As more time passed, Dan felt himself slowly losing hope. There were so many believable lies that the room agreed to, and they never seemed to stop. How could this man have prepared so much? It wasn’t fair.

“Mr. Howell.” The judge turned to Dan. “Are these accusations true?”

“I don’t know, your honor.” He fought to keep up his lie. “I’ve never seen this man before,” He gestured to Phil, not daring to look him in the eyes as he denied their relationship. “I don’t know what he’s done and hasn’t done, but I do know for sure that he was not the man who kidnapped me.” He made sure to sound as scared as he could manage while saying the last part, which wasn’t hard. He had convinced himself that he was scared. He just needed to convince the rest of the courtroom. 

“Mr. Howell are you alright? You look rather pale.” 

Dan nodded. “I’m fine, your honor.” He didn’t feel fine. His mind was a hurricane of thoughts that he wished would just leave him alone, and he could visibly see his hands shaking, although whether it was because of nerves or something else was anybody’s guess. 

“This poor man’s been through a lot.” 

Dan felt sick when he heard the voice, his mind filling with memories of that night when all he had felt was trapped and terrified. 

“Is he really in the position to be defending someone?” he was so falsely sympathetic, his eyes wide and imploring. Dan wanted to throw up. “Perhaps he should leave the important stuff to the grown ups, hm?” 

“Enough.” The judge silenced the man. 

“This will be an easy win.” The man told his lawyer, shooting Dan a grin before being told to quiet down once again. 

Dan felt Phil’s eyes on him, but forced himself to avoid eye contact. He was scared, they both were, and Dan feared that if he saw Phil so close nearby while having to deal with this mess, he would simply drop everything and run to him. Childish as it may be, Dan wished for the security that Phil’s embrace held, and he wondered how he had gone on for so long without it. 

He was okay. 

He was fine.

He could get through this.

The thoughts were futile, but Dan didn’t care. False security was better than none at all.

The court went on, and as much as Dan tried to focus, he found that he couldn’t. His hands tapped the table, his eyes darted around the room, at anywhere but the man with the glint of malice in his eye and the man with concern. The words spoken around him were a blur, and might as well have been spoken in another language for all that Dan understood of them.

This is about Phil, He reminded himself, Phil’s life is on the line. Pay attention.

His gaze caught the captain’s for a moment and Dan couldn’t cried at the look of pure concern and love in the other man’s eyes. How? How, after Dan had left him and run off without a goodbye, did he still look as if he still loved him? Surely he couldn’t have forgiven Dan for what he had done so easily, not after Dan had spent hours and hours with his mind trapped in a spiral of what Phil must have thought of him leaving. Fuck, he was a mess.  
Upon closer look, Dan realized that Phil looked about as bad as Dan felt, his lack of sleep obvious and his shoulders slumped in a sort of defeat that he had never seen on him. The whole ordeal had weighed on him just as much as it had Dan, perhaps more. The man had lost his crew, his ship, his freedom, all in one day and now he was trapped in an argument on the worth of his life, of which he wasn’t even able to be a part of. 

Guilt ate Dan alive.

The judge’s voice rang out in the room and Dan was yanked from his thoughts, which was probably a good thing.

“What did he say?” Dan leaned over and asked his Dad, his mind insisting that the judge had just proclaimed Phil guilty. “What’s happening?”

“We’re taking a recess.” His father explained, standing up and handing Mrs. Howell her bag. “The jury is going to decide and then we’ll hear what happens to this man. To think, I was ready to have a go at him for what I thought he did for you.” He let out a little laugh. “If that other guy hadn’t shown up, the poor guy probably would have just been let go again.”

“Yeah.” Dan felt weak as he followed his parents out of the courtroom, trying to find Phil in the crowd of people. The mess of black hair was nowhere in sight, but it didn’t stop the teenager from searching, just in case. “He doesn’t look like he did all that stuff.”

“Some people look nice on the outside,” his mother chimed in, “And are just plain twisted on the inside.”

“Or sometimes it’s the other way around.” Dan argued, and his father huffed a laugh that wasn’t at all humorous. 

“That accusing guy in there was ugly on the outside and in.” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the almost empty courtroom, and Dan couldn’t help but agree. He was grateful that his parents were there with him through his whole ordeal, even if they did know almost nothing about what had actually happened.

Why was Phil being put on trial when the other man in there had done so much worse than he had? Wouldn’t it just be easier to tell the courtroom about what this man had done and just let Phil off the hook? 

As much as Dan felt like the idea would solve all of their problems, he also knew deep down that he would have to admit that Phil really was his kidnapper, after he had denied so much to the court. That would inevitably land the both of them in hot water, even if Dan’s attacker did get put behind bars. Phil would be tried for kidnapping, but this time, Dan would have already admitted to him being guilty and would probably be used in some way to sentence the pirate he had grown to love. 

So perhaps keeping quiet about the whole matter was the wiser choice, but that didn’t mean that Dan liked it any more. 

Either outcome of the trial would be less than ideal. Dan had realized that a long time ago, as he lost sleep over the thought of the impending court date. Now, with the court halfway over, Dan’s mind wasn’t cleared anymore than it had been for the past few weeks. Phil could be sentenced to death within the next few hours, and as hard as Dan fought, he wouldn’t be able to stop it if it happened. Nor could he stop the judge if Phil was given jail time, and he couldn’t exactly run off with the pirate if he did happen to be judged as innocent. 

He was trapped, and as much as he wished and prayed and hoped, he knew that there was little chance that the day could end on a positive note. 

The crowd around Dan began to shift, people lifting their heads and grabbing their bags and Dan glanced around to see what was happening. The clock showed that half an hour had passed since they had been exiled from the courtroom for the jury to decide on the verdict and he was astonished that time had managed to pass so quickly.

As the crowd filed back into the courtroom, Dan followed along with his head down, his hand tangled in the sleeve of his mother’s shirt as both a way to keep track of where he was in the crowd and form of comfort. He glanced up at the collected jury and tried to deduce what their decision had been by the looks on their faces , but none gave away anything. 

Dan’s heart pounded as he once again listened to the courtroom fill with people, although this time his nerves seemed to climb higher than they were at the beginning of the day. The jury knew what the outcome of the court was and they weren’t saying anything about it and it was driving Dan crazy. 

Where was Phil? He hadn’t returned to the room yet, and Dan was getting nervous. He would be here when they announced the verdict, wouldn’t he? Or would they tell him separately, so that the entire courtroom wouldn’t hear it? 

Dan didn’t think his heart had ever beat quite as fast as it was in that moment. He would be able to see Phil again, wouldn’t he? His shy glances and avoided eye contact from earlier couldn’t have been the last that he saw of the man, right? 

Right?

Just as panic began to fill Dan’s mind, he caught a glimpse of a mess of black hair from across the courtroom and blue eyes met his. 

Phil.

Dan closed his eyes in relief, but quickly opened them and kept them on the captain, worried that each glance could easily be his last. His hands shook and his breathing was uneven and his heart pounded, but he kept his eyes on Phil, hardly allowing himself to blink. 

The pounding of the judge’s gavel brought the whole room’s attention back to him, and the assembly quieted down. Dan’s eyes still stayed on Phil, who seemed to be doing his best to smile back at him. There was a tension in the air and everyone could feel it, the group of people so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. 

“Jury, have you come to your decision?”

The words were simple, but they punched Dan in the gut like a ton of bricks. 

“We have, your honor.” A woman stood up, obviously the representative of the jury and Dan knew that Phil’s life hung on what she would say next. “We have decided that Phil Lester is not guilty for the kidnapping of Daniel Howell——”

Dan felt like he could have cried with relief.

“But is guilty of at least three of the accusations spoken against him.”

What?

The judge nodded, but Dan was lost. What did this mean? What did this mean for Phil? The whole courtroom tittered with quiet conversation, discussing their own opinions until the sharp sound of the gavel cut through the noise.

“I hereby sentence Phil Lester,” The judge gestured to Phil, who stood straight with defiance and fear I his eyes. Dan remembered that one night that felt so long ago when Phil had admitted to him that what he was scared of most was being sentenced as guilty for the crimes he didn’t commit. “To three years prison time for his crimes.”

Dan was stunned.

They couldn’t do that. Could they?

Sentence him as guilty and innocent at the same time? 

Three years in prison is better than the noose, Dan knew this, but still, the verdict had him losing his breath and being unable to get it back. Phil was going to prison. Three years was a relatively small amount of time to be sentenced to, considering he might have been sentenced with a lifelong time, but it seemed all the same to Dan. 

So much could happen in three years, so much could change———

Dan couldn’t calm down. His breathing came quick and his hands shook and the room seemed to spin around him. Phil was going to be gone. For so fucking long.

“Daniel, are you okay?” His mother placed a gentle hand on his arm that might have been reassuring in any other circumstance, but at that moment Dan just wanted her to leave him alone. He wanted to be alone with Phil, wanted to be away from this whole mess, wanted it all to just be fucking over.

“Fine, ‘m fine,” he jerked his arm out of her touch, trying to keep his breathing normal lest he pass out right there and then. “Just…” He shook his head. He needed to get away, out of this place, away from these people, maybe back on the sea. Yes, that sounded good. Being back on the ocean with Phil at his side and the crew that he knew he could trust, standing on the deck as he overlooked the unobstructed sunset that he had grown to love so much. 

Yes. That’s all he needed.

Wrenching his eyes open, Dan forced himself to calm down as he took in the courtroom around him. He was okay. Phil was going to be okay. Desperately almost, he managed to lock eyes with Phil from across the room and the small, smile that he received was enough to reassure him for the moment. 

God, he missed the man, and the three years hadn’t even started. 

‘I love you’, he mouthed at Phil, and earned himself a smile and the phrase mouthed back to him. 

*****

After the court was over, Dan found himself surprisingly calm. Sure, his heart ached with the thought of not being able to touch Phil for countless days, but he had thought that that would be the case when he left the ship in the first place. 

He stood in the hallway outside of the courtroom, watching as people filtered out, spewing their opinions on the case to each other. It didn’t matter that they thought, though. Their ideas of what the outcome should have been were empty and useless, and as Dan overheard how many people had been rooting for Phil to be sent to the gallows, he was thankful that they were.

He had insisted on staying at the courthouse until everyone had left, secretly hoping for one last glance of Phil before having to wait for three years. Three years. Dan wondered if the time would go by fast or just inch along as he waited. Would Phil even still be interested after three years? Would he hate seeing the man who could have stopped the court from sending him to prison for three years? 

Catching a glimpse of black fringe from across the hallway, Dan immediately perked up. 

Phil stood with two guards, talking to them intently, although he didn’t seem to very upset about the verdict of the court. Dan wondered if Phil had been expecting it. He wondered if, deep down, he had been expecting it as well. 

Dan watched as Phil gestured wildly, before offering a sheepish smile to the one of the guards, who only rolled his eyes. 

What on earth? 

The guard nodded, and Phil flashed him a winning smile that made Dan’s heart ache a bit, but he shoved it down as he saw Phil making his way towards him. So close, they were so close and———

Phil walked right by him, not even looking him in the eyes as he made a beeline for the washroom behind Dan.

What the hell——? Oh.

Oh.

Dan’s heart rate picked up speed, but he forced himself to stay where he was for a few minutes before following Phil into the washroom, doing his best to avoid any attention being thrown his way. 

As the door opened, Dan almost cried because Phil was right there and he was so close and he was fucking smiling and——

Within seconds their arms were around each other and Dan was buried in Phil’s embrace for the first time in what felt to him like forever. 

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, Phil, this is my fault—”

Phil hushed him, holding him close enough that Dan could feel the racing heartbeat that matched his. “Shhh, come on, now, it’s not your fault.” He sounded surprisingly calm and put together, which only made the guilt in Dan’s stomach grow. 

“If I hadn’t run off though…”

“If you hadn’t run off then you would have been caught as well and I wouldn’t have had anyone to talk the judge out of sending me off to the gallows.” Phil reasoned, his voice falsely stern. “You know that, none of this is your fault.”

Instead of answering verbally, Dan pressed closer to Phil, allowing himself to forget the whole ocean of bad that lay ahead of them and instead focusing on the feeling of the two of them together again. 

“I didn’t know why you left.” Phil said softly, resting his chin on the top of Dan’s head as he readjusted them to be more comfortable. “I woke up and I couldn’t find you anywhere. I asked Chris and he claimed he knew nothing, but in the end he told me. Did you tell him that you were leaving?”

Dan nodded, miserable. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, sweetheart.” Phil pressed a kiss to the top of his head, and all Dan could think was that he didn’t deserve it. “You thought you were protecting me. It was a good plan too, I just wish it hadn’t been as risky for you.”

“Risky for me?” Dan pulled back, incredulous. “What about you? You’re the one going to…” he trailed off, frowning. “You know.”

“And all I can say is that I’m glad it’s be going instead of you.” Phil gave him a smile that was so genuine and loving that all Dan could do was groan at how far he had fallen for the man and push himself closer. “What did I do to deserve you?”

Phil chuckled. “You managed to get yourself accidentally kidnapped by my crew.”

They allowed silence to take over for a moment, both trying not to think about the fact that they wouldn’t be able to hold the other in their arms for an insurmountable amount of time and just enjoying the quiet. 

“I need to leave soon.” Phil reminded softly, “We’ve already been in here for long enough. Don’t want anyone to burst in to check up on us.”

Dan laughed softly, “I know. Just a little longer, though.”

Phil obliged, carding his hands through Dan’s now shorter and not nearly as curly hair, swaying them slightly from side to side. 

“Okay.” Dan pulled back, taking in a deep breath as he looked up at the pirate. He bit back the prickling of tears at the corners of his eyes, not wanting to ruin their last moments together with crying. “Okay. I’m okay.” 

“Yes, you are.” Phil gently cupped Dan’s face in his hand, smiling almost proudly at him for a brief moment before eliminating the space between them and pressing his lips against Dan’s. It was in no way the desperate, passionate kisses that they had shared out on the ship when there was no one else around, but instead gentle and full of a love that neither ever thought would belong to them. 

As they pulled apart, Dan felt an ache in his chest that he knew wouldn’t cease until they were back together, but he fought through it, offering Phil a smile before pulling him into one last embrace.

“I love you.” He mumbled out, his words hidden by Phil’s shirt, but the tightening of Phil’s arms around his shoulders let him know that he had been heard.

“I love you too.” 

The words were overused and said often between the two of them, but they never got old and they never would. 

As Phil pulled away, he didn’t look at Dan. 

He didn’t look back as he walked towards the door. 

He left without a word, leaving Dan broken and hurting and alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides* plz don't kill me  
> WHAT DID YOU THINK???? Let me know if you'd like, I absolutely love hearing what you think!! I'm probably going to post the epilogue on saturday, so keep an eye out for that :D  
> I'm kinda amazed that this fic has been going on for as long as it has, it's been like 8 months. That's like. A long time. Frick. Anyway, thanks again to everyone who's stuck with it and for people who are just joining now, welcome! Sorry this is angsty as hell.  
> tumblr: phailingphantasticly


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is the end.   
> I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter and aren't too angry at me for leaving it there :P Your comments all made me so happy, as usual, and I'm really hoping you'll like this ending! Read on, my friends.  
> Dan's POV

Dan was happy.

No one could blame him, he had a lot to be happy about. 

He had taken over the inn, a job that he had always thought he would despise, but he had grown to love. He had people working under him, he had an office, he had bar regulars who knew him by name and greeted him on their way in during the evenings. He had loving parents who now lived close enough to take a brief run to visit, but not close enough that they lived with him. He had friends in the town, he knew the neighbors, he knew the regular sailors and merchants. 

Even as he stared out at the sea from his window at night, he was happy. 

Someday, He would tell himself, as he fell asleep in his childhood room after staying up for too late. Someday I’ll be back out there.

And he would. It was what kept him going, what kept the smile on his face, what kept him looking forward to each day.

Someday.

During the first few months of being back home after the court date, Dan had been a mess. The facade that he had put up during the court had broken and he was definitely not okay as he lay on his bed, watching the light of the moon in his room. He hadn’t spoken, hadn’t eaten, hadn’t slept, and it had gotten too far out of hand.

Doctors couldn’t help, because he wasn’t sick. Therapists couldn’t help, because Dan refused to talk. Eventually, he had been left alone, allowed to work through his thoughts on his own. He became known throughout the town, as news traveled fast in the small community. 

He was kidnapped, People said, He was tortured, he was almost killed a total of four times, he doesn’t remember any of it…

And on and on.

The rumors grew until they got so out of hand that no one believed them anymore, and the talk of Dan’s accidental adventure died down. It had taken far longer than he would have liked, but eventually, he was okay. He smiled again. He made small talk at the markets. He regaled the inn’s patron’s children with exaggerated stories of his adventures at sea, with a little bit of truth mixed in, just enough so that he wouldn’t forget it himself. 

He hadn’t forgotten yet, and he promised himself that he never would. The young man looked back on his adventure with fond memories, occasionally allowing himself to think of the more precise memories that sometimes hurt, but they hurt in a good way. Complaining about chores with Chris, learning to fight with Phil…these were the memories that caused him to smile through the small ache in his chest as he remembered. 

Once, Pj showed up at the inn. He was alone. He and Dan had spent hours huddled in a small booth at the back of the inn, talking about old times and making Dan feel like a seasoned pirate as he reminisced about their days at sea. Pj told him that after they had been caught, the crew split up. The authorities had taken Phil, but left the rest of the crew to find other forms of payment. Pj hadn’t kept in contact with any of them, but last he had heard, Chris had jumped aboard a different pirate ship, being unable to part with the sea. 

Dan had smiled at that, trying desperately to ignore the ache in his chest, but somehow managing a smile at the hopes of someday, maybe seeing his friend again. The chances were slim, but Dan liked to hope.

Dan told Pj about what happened at the courtroom and how long Phil had before being released, leaving out the sappy details about their parting. As much as he loved the man, Dan was in no way ready to discuss his personal feelings with him. Pj had left with a promise to stay in contact, although the both of them knew that there was no way to tell for sure if they would ever talk again.

That had been one of the few days that had caused Dan to stay up all night at the docks again, sitting with his feet in the water and watching the starlight on the water as he missed his first real friends. 

Over the years, Dan Howell grew up. He was no longer the little, wide eyed teenager that had daydreamed about running away. The one who complained about his work and his parents and how life was never going to work out in his favor. He knew better now. 

Twenty-two years old. No longer filled with questions, but now with answers that he shared with others. He was in no way an adult, in his eyes, but he was also definitely no longer a child, and he found that he was oddly happy with that realization. 

Dan stood on the docks outside of the sturdily built detention facility, watching the waves against the old, worn out wood, and remembering how constant the sound had been a few years ago. He watched the boats bobbing by the docks, ready to go out and explore, waiting for the promise of adventures. 

Only two more hours.

The water lapped at the edge of the dock, and Dan closed his eyes, allowing his mind to drift to whatever it pleased. He wasn’t nervous, not yet at least, and he relaxed at the familiar sounds of the water. One would think that after three years, the sound would lose its familiarity, but for Dan, it felt like home. 

He had arrived at the front of the prison at eight that morning, unsure of the exact time that Phil would be released, but he didn’t want to risk anything. He had already waited for what must have been three hours, and he was beginning to get restless. About an hour back, he had gone to one of the guards and asked when the regular time for prisoners to be released. He had gotten there far too early, but he didn’t leave. 

He stood at the dock, trying to calm himself down so that he wasn’t a complete mess by the time he saw Phil again. 

After 45 minutes passed with a relatively small amount of intrusive thoughts, Dan found that he couldn’t keep his nervousness at bay.

He was going to see Phil.

The one person he loved more than anything else in the world and he was going to see him again.

There had been no promise that they would wait for each other, no discussion for when Phil was released. There was no plan and Dan was beginning to regret it. Would Phil see him and hate him? Would he despise the fact that, although Dan had fought for him, he had been unable to keep him from three years in a prison? 

Dan fidgeted, not liking the direction his thoughts were taking him.

Would Phil still feel the same about Dan?

Would Dan about Phil? 

For three years, the thought of someone out there somewhere loving him had kept Dan going. He replayed the memories in his head, traced the scars he had gotten from spending so much time in the thick of action for a year and a half, daydreamed about the moment when they would see each other again. But what if it was all just memories and wishing and when they saw each other, they wouldn’t feel the same?

What would happen if they locked eyes and all they saw was a man from their memories and they found that they no longer loved the changed person in front of them? What if there was no spark when they made eye contact? What if only one of them felt the same still?

Dan glanced back at the massive clock on the guard station, groaning to himself when he saw that there was half an hour left before the doors opened. What was he supposed to do for half an hour? He tried pacing, tried skipping stones, tried striking up a conversation with the security guards, who had killed the conversation within seconds. 

Fifteen minutes.

Dan was finding it increasingly harder to find flat stones to skip. His legs hurt from the constant pacing, unable to sit still for a moment. 

He wondered what Phil was doing. Was he expecting Dan to be waiting for him? What was his plan for what to do next?

Ten minutes.

Dan wondered what his plan was. Bring Phil to the inn? Ask him to stay? Find him a boat and send him off with well wishes?

Go with him?

Five minutes.

Dan was pretty sure he looked like a disaster, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. They were so close. He was so scared.

The door opened on the building far inside the gate and Dan could make out three figures walking towards him towards the fence. 

His heart pounded.

As they got closer, Dan managed to get a clear view of the man in the middle who was clearly Phil. He looked so much older. Defeat weighed on his shoulders, but he held his head up high. His pride walked alongside him, visible to everyone.

Dan’s hands started to shake.

Phil still hadn’t seen him, his eyes fixed on the guard station in front of him as he was engaged in a conversation with the two guards that had escorted him out. He nodded, and when the guard gestured towards Dan, he stopped.

Yes, that was a good way of putting it. Phil stood frozen on the spot, his eyes locked on Dan, his hand stuck in mid gesture where he had obviously stopped in the middle of a sentence. They were close, but not so close that they could see each other clearly. Other than the man’s obvious change in age, Dan couldn’t spot any major differences in him and the man from three years before.

“Hey.” He said, and although it was soft and Phil was surely unable to hear it, it was enough to get the man moving.

He didn’t run to Dan, like he always did in Dan’s daydreams. He walked slowly, surely, his face carefully blank as he approached. Dan didn’t know what to think. He stood his ground as Phil got closer, taking in the jaggedly cut hair and the new scar on his jawline and the obvious tension in his shoulders and prayed to whoever the hell could be listening that he hadn’t changed so much that he felt differently about Dan. 

Dan realized that he had forgotten to breathe, and pulled in a sharp breath as Phil stopped in front of him. 

He could reach out and touch him.

Still though, the carefully blank expression stayed on Phil’s features.

“Hi.” Dan tried to say it confidently, but the word came out more like a question.

Phil said nothing.

“I——I missed you.” Dan continued, hating the silence and what it could mean. “It’s been a long three years, but I kept thinking of you…”

He wondered if Phil would even want to hear that. 

Stumbling onward, he desperately tried to fill the silence with an explanation. “Look, I didn’t know if you wanted me to pick you up when you got out or if you just wanted me to———”

“You waited for me.” Phil interrupted, and suddenly Dan could breathe again.

“Of course I did.” He said softly, “I’ll always wait for you.”

There were tears in Phil’s eyes, but that didn’t matter because Dan’s eyes were tearing up as well and before he could say anything else, he found his arms full of Phil’s embrace, almost knocked over as Phil threw himself at him. 

They were so close, fucking finally they were so close, and Dan could feel Phil’s heartbeat pounding crazily against his own and he heard the tears in Phil’s voice as he repeated over and over, “I love you, I love you, I love you”. They fit together so perfectly, like they were built for each other and each other alone, and no one else in the entire world could be better for them than they were for each other. 

Voices were muffled, faces were streaked with tears, hands shook as they traced over everything they could reach, and Dan figured he’d never felt more love for a person before he met Phil. 

“Dan, Daniel Howell,” Phil still had his face buried in Dan’s shoulder, “Why the hell did you wait for me, why didn’t you just move on?”

Dan bit his lip, knowing full well that his eyes were still tearful and not wanting to spoil his answer with a shaky voice. “I can never move on from you, Phil.” His words came out shaky nonetheless, “You’re my whole world.” 

Pulling back, Phil took Dan’s face in his hands, his eyes staring intently into Dan’s own. Although there were still guards watching from a little ways away and they were literally standing in front of a prison, the position was oddly intimate. Phil’s thumbs traced Dan’s cheekbones as he gently held his face in his hands and Dan’s touch never strayed from Phil’s waist. They didn’t speak, only took each other in, allowing themselves to get used to the older, changed versions of themselves that they had yet to meet.

“Well, Lester?” Dan breathed out, watching in fascination as Phil’s eyes darted down to his lips, “Are you gonna kiss me?”

For a moment, it looked like the thought had never even occurred to Phil before, his eyes wide as he watched Dan carefully raise a single eyebrow. Dan only had a moment to wonder if Phil remembered teaching him to do that, before the space between them was gone once again and their lips met in a hurried frenzy. 

They kissed like they were dying, like they were never going to see each other again, and it took Dan’s breath away. For years he had entertained the thought that they would never be able to see each other again, much less kiss, and Dan never wanted to risk that again.

“Hey, hey!” 

The two broke apart, breathless and grinning, not bothering to hide the fact that they were completely and utterly lost in each other.

“You two can finish up your reunion scene somewhere else, yeah?” One of the guards yelled, and Dan almost laughed out loud at the insanity of their situation. “It ain’t all that pretty from our perspective.” The other guard laughed, and Dan ducked his head, feeling Phil press a kiss to the top of his hair.

“Let’s go.” He whispered, and Dan couldn’t help smiling as he felt Phil interlock their fingers together.

“Where?”

Phil shrugged, pulling Dan along with him. “Anywhere.”

Laughing, Dan allowed himself to be led away from the prison, keeping his eyes on the man in front of him. Their hands interlocked and for the first time in three years, Dan felt safe, unstoppable, and fucking happy. There was so much love packed into Phil’s gaze as he looked back at Dan, so much trust, and Dan couldn’t keep the smile from his face, not caring that his cheeks and sides ached from the overwhelming love that filled him.

They were going to be okay.

They always were. 

Sure, they had had a less than ideal first meeting, and yes, literally nothing had gone according to plan, but plans changed, sometimes for the better. 

Sometimes, Dan thought to himself, living without a plan was okay. 

And as he pulled on Phil’s hand to stop him for a moment, he figured that it was more than okay. They stopped at the edge of the water, neither speaking, but not letting go of each other’s hands as they gazed out at the water. 

Would they go back out? Find a new ship and a new crew? Maybe Dan could finally see the world, adding knick knacks to Phil’s now empty collection?

Or would they stay on land? Run the inn together? Settle down like an old married couple?

Dan laughed softly at that thought, shaking his head at Phil’s curious glance in his direction.

It really didn’t matter what they did next, as long as they were doing it together, and Dan promised himself that that’s the way it always would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Let me just say that I NEVER expected to write something longer than 20,000 words on here and look at that! I kind of passed that number up, didn't I? And people actually liked it??? Crazy.  
> Anyway, a HUGE thank you to all of you for reading this and sticking with it for eight months and through all my spelling and plot errors!! Your comments never fail to make my day and like, I've made friends through this fic?? (ily all) In all, I'm a mess who spends way too much time writing fanfiction and doesn't deserve so much love from you all ^-^   
> tumblr: phailingphantasticly  
> I'm always open to suggestions about other fics to write, so if anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear of them! Idk what I'm going to write next oops.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come say hi on tumblr: phailingphantasticly :)


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